Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.
"Do you have to go?" Nick asked. I sat up from his bed, and he knew the answer to the question. Sighing, I let out a stretch.
"Nick, you know I have to go back to Texas tomorrow." I told him. He had been giving me hell about this ever since last week. We weren't dating, no, we were just more like friends with benefits.
"I.. I just don't want this to be the last time we see each other." he whined.
I smiled and put my hand on his, he always said things to make me smile and never want to leave. "I still have one more year of high school, then I think I might come back. Can you wait for me?" I asked him. He nudged my neck with his nose and just laid there.
"Of course, I will always wait for you Lana." he finally said. I smiled and uncovered, it was time for our goodbyes so I could go back to my aunts house and get some rest.
"You can always stay the night." he said as I was getting dressed.
"No, I need to go," I tell him.
After getting my clothes and shoes on, I kissed him passionately one last time. After all, I didn't expect for him to go see me off at the air port early tomorrow.
"See you soon?" I asked.
He nodded and we both smiled, it was hard for me to just leave like this. Walking to his bedroom door, I held onto the knob for the longest time while we exchanged stares, but I finally had the nerve to walk out the door.
"Good-bye.. Nick.." I mumbled and walked out of his house.
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Chapter One
Mom was waiting for me the moment I got off the plane. She hugged me like a bear, "I've missed you." she whispered in my ear. I smiled, I missed her too.
"Lana, we have so much to catch up on." Merissa, my sister, said. I smiled and messed up her hair. She looked so much like mother that it was crazy.
"Where is Craig?" I asked.
I waited for her to reply, she seemed more into her own thoughts when I mentioned his name, frowning, I figured the answer out already. My assumptions anyways.
"Honey, he left me for his ex wife," she finally let out, "frankly, I think I will be just fine."
I felt bad for her and just couldn't even find the words to say.
It seemed to me like nothing can ever go my moms way, at least not in the romance department. We got in the car and I sat in the passenger seat, the ride home was pretty quite, I looked out the window and pushed my scarlet red hair behind my ears; my hair was too long.
"Lan, how was New York?" Merissa asked from the back seat. I smiled. I was glad she was interested, but some things were better off un said.
"It was great. Aunt Renee and Uncle Ryan seem to be having the perfect life." I said, I watched the many trees fly by and heard my sister sigh, really loud. That was her saying she was bored out of her mind.
"Hon, we will be home shortly. Then you can go back and play with Rebecca." Mom told her.
"Yay!" Merissa exclaimed.
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Once we were home, I quickly un packed my clothes. I wanted to go and talk with Melonie, my best friend. She hadn't texted me all summer so I knew she had plenty to spill.
"Mom, I'm leaving." I yelled.
I heard her sigh, but I took that as a green light.
---
I drove over to Melonie's parents house and Jeanna, her sister, answered the door. "Is Mel home?" I asked.
"Yes. But her boyfriend is with her in her room right now." she replied. I nodded and walked in anyways.
I walked up their stairs and opened up her door, "Mel?" I say.
Immediately I turn to her bed, there she was, and Michael; the guy I had dated right before I went away for the summer.
I screamed and so did they and I immediately turn to face her wall, "What the hell are you doing?" I yelled. A little louder then I intended. They both were scrambling around getting dressed.
"Oh please Michael. Like I haven't seen your junk before." I state.
"Lana, haven't you heard of knocking?" she asked, aggravation in her voice. I laughed at that statement.
"Like you ever knocked on my doors even once in your life." I reply. I turn back around and I feel the pang, of both guilt and pain.
I felt guilty because I knew I slept with Nick, the pain was seeing Michael with my best friend. I had also fell in love with him during the year we dated, and I thought it was puppy love, and that it would be over by the time I got back.
But, now I know, it wasn't.
"So.. you have been ignoring me all summer because of him?" I asked her, my voice a little cracked when I looked at him. He looked guilty himself.
"I'll talk to you later Mel." I say, and slowly walk out. There was no use in being mad at her, or him for that matter.
"Lana, It's not what it looks like.." Michael said as he ran out after me. I smiled, it sounded right, especially when it came from his mouth, and if I weren't more mature than that and a little younger, I might would have believed it.
"Michael. There's no use in trying to explain this. It's kind of funny," I say.
"I left for the summer, hoping I would get over you, and for that few months, I thought I did. Until I get back and see you again. The feelings rushed back like it was yesterday. I see we both have made mistakes and what's done is done."
His face changes for a minute, from guilt to happy and then back again.
"But, I was never over you." he replied.
I rolled my eyes and turned back to my car. I was the type of person that didn't get mad easily, even over the things I should be. I just get really upset, more like really sad.
Feeling defeated, I get in my car and drive back home.
End of chapter
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So this is my first review on your page, and I have to tell you I like this story......I would love to read more and see how this story will unfold......So when is chapter two coming out? And really I have no critiques for you. I read the story was able to follow who said what, who was doing what...and in this case who was doing who,lol. But all and all I did enjoy chapter one and hope to read chapter 2 soon.
Thank you!:) Chapter two will be finished soon, I haven't had too much time on my hands to finish it, but it will be out.
Hey.
)
Okay so. ""Where is Craig?" I asked.
Mom looked the other way and pretended like she didn't hear me.
"Mom, answer me." I tell her, at this point I was getting frustrated, I really liked this guy of hers. "Honey, he left me for his ex wife," she finally let out, "frankly, I think I will be just fine.""
Here I feel it was too rushed, like you could've given out more on emotions here, like just let Lana wonder about it a bit.
"my hair was to long. " I guess you meant "too". I think you should use proofread for typos.
""Mel. It's not what it looks like.."" Shouldn't it be "Lana"??
Okayyy, these were the only glitches, but woah, I liked the plot. I liked the confused emotions here, something I can personally relate to (just leave out the making out part here though
But I loved it yayayayya. Cool one, I am looking forward to read more.
Kudos.
Keep writing and stay blessed.
xoxo
Lol, yes it should have been Lana. I just really like the name Melonie and got caught up. Thanks for the review.
Hello!


Okay, so romance isn’t exactly my best genre, but let’s give this a shot, shall we?
- Grammar/Spelling suggestions -
→ Comma Splices
A comma splice is basically when you stick two complete sentences (“clauses”) together with a comma, and it's not a good thing.
Ex: “I sat up from his bed, he knew the answer to the question”
Comma splices can easily be fixed by using a conjunction!
“I sat up from his bed, and he knew the answer.”
See? Easily changed, and now it’s proper. Alternatively, you could keep them as two separate sentences, although sometimes this leads to a choppy flow if used too often.
→ Proper quotation mark notation
I suggest reviewing how to properly use quotation marks.
Ex: "No, I need to go." I tell him.
There should be a comma before the closing quotation mark.
It should read: "No, I need to go," I tell him.
→ Spelling
Perhaps go over you story again to catch minor things. ‘Air port’ should be one word, and I notice you did not capitalize ‘mother’ or ‘mom’ (when they were being used as proper nouns), even though they should be.
- Plot suggestions and stylistic elements -
Overall, you seem to know where you want this story to go. To be brutally honest, it’s a bit of a typical story, but it’s only the first chapter! I’d have to read more to formalize an opinion.
However, I really encourage you to spice up your writing with more description and word variation! As it is right now, the writing is very matter-of-factly. A structure of “I did this, she did that, then this happened” can get boring fast. This story is racing from point A to point B without taking the time to enjoy how we got there. There is so much potential to build upon each scene and really create a strong image in the reader’s mind.
Anyways, you can take what I say with a grain of salt, but I truly wish you the best of luck with your writing. Keep it up!