Published February 2, 2010
I have never done poetry, nor do I know anything about poetry. Stanza, grammar poetry, I don't know anything. But I found myself babbling and decided to write it down so *inhales deeply* here it goes. Oh, and I also had no idea what type of poem this was.
* * *
Why must you love me?
Me! Me of all people.
When you could have chosen from a sea of people who are desperate for you.
No. You choose the latter. You choose me.
Me with my dorky glasses and brown tufted hair.
Why must you love me?
Oh, man I see the way you watch me.
Eyes brim with love and compassion.
Oh, God, I get goosebumps whenever you touch me!
I moan in frustration and confusion;
As I battle to know which are which of my emotions.
I have a fizzle in my stomach whenever you look my way.
Feeling of resentment or despair I know not.
No, the fizzles aren't butterflies,
But rocks with broken wings trying to flutter.
You even love me when I'm confused for heaven sake!
My brain sputters nothing;
Closing the doors to me.
Words are lost, running in circles in my dark abyss.
I don't know what to say to you.
But, but,...
But, oh, how I love you.
* * *
Rip it apart! Hopefully you liked it.
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140,904 Literary Works • 673,714 Reviews
Whew! I was waiting for that. You see now how I suck at poetry. Thanks for the reviews you guys! Mizzle, I haven't seen you in awhile either. (And for the record I'm in my twenties but it's nice to know that I sound younger. Is that good thing? I think not. Oh, well.) Thanks again guys!
Hey, Nick! Dude, I haven't seen you in so long, y'know! You should stop by chat, soon.
Okay, so I liked this. It IS cliche--but cliche means relatable. Most people, at least 1/3 of the U.S. Population go through this...an estimate. So, unlike Sugar (Snow?--I don't know her nickname. Bah.) I don't think the first line is too bad.
What I do think needs work is:
A) The repetition. I don't like repeated words...headache. And, unneeded most times. So. Fix that.
B) How you change 'voices'. What I mean here is something Sugarxsnow pointed out. You go from sort of formal, to more of a teenage-tween kind of voice, which is probably what you are, and don't be ashamed of that. It's just, you either choose the more mature voice you used in the beginning, or the more tween-teen voice you used later on. It's your choice. Do what comes most natural to you.
But, still. Nice work for a first poem.
Tata.
-Mizz
Hi. I'm Kate. I'll be your critic for today.
The nitpicks have been nitpicked. Now, it's not everyday that you get a review like that, no? Overall a very C-disease infected piece... if you still haven't caught my gist, the poem was overloaded with cliche, which makes it a pretty pet peeving read. Poetry nazis will literally die of overexposure to cliche when they read this, BUT, if you play your cards right, and you edit this up nicely, it will probably go up on my list. Also, if you reread this (even without my fantabulastic review), you'll see that some parts actually came out to be dramatically humorous instead of dramatic ONLY. Trust me. (I had a lot of ":lol:" ROFL moments out of this, actually XD)
I hope I wasn't too harsh. But the good thing is I'm being sincere. I do so because I sincerely want you to be able to improve. I didn't sugarcoat anything for your own benefit. I hope you appreciate the effort, and I hope it did not offend you in any way...
That concludes my review/rant. I'm hyper, yes. Blame the candy. I really hope this helped. PM me if you need anything or if you have any violent reactions about this.
Toodles, lovvie. I look forward to your progress.
~Kate
I do like this! And I think a lot of people will be able to relate to it, which is great.
I think some parts, like "oh man" and "oh, god" sound a little conversational and particularly towards the beginning there is a bit of repetition. Look through and decide if every word and every line is really needed. The third line is also a little long and it disrupts the flow a bit. So fix these bits if you like, play around with it a bit. This is a very relateable poem so I do hope that your try your hand at poetry again. Well done. 
Valentine
The one think I think people mistake about poetry is the rules. They think things have to be specifically written certain ways. No, that's wrong. Unless you're trying to write Haiku's or other previously formatted types of poetry, than it's all up to you.
The poem made me confused. Maybe that was your intent, as the writer seemed to be very confused. I am equally confused as to why you were "babbling" about this. Anyway, my advice to you is to find a voice in poetry. Forget the flowery words you assume poetry should have and show the reader accurately what needs to be shown. That was the biggest problem for me. The words you grouped together didn't really work.
Valentine