
A long, long time ago, the Kingdom of Tremeno was also known as the "kingdom without magic". Rumors has it that King Hero I, who founded the Trameno dynasty, relied on the help of the Witch Academy to defeat his opponents in the civil war. However, when he ascended to the throne, he falsely accused the witches of being the main culprits of the war, thereby transferring the anger of the people. At the time, the dean of the college, Weiss of Wind Valley cursed the kingdom and the descendants of Hero I before being burned to death. Afterwards, magic was strictly prohibited in the Kingdom of Tremeno.
However, a few witches fled to rarely visited places and preserved their magic. The magic of witches is innate, they have silver hair from birth. The parents of these girls couldn't bear their children to be killed by the witch hunters of the kingdom, and often abandoned them in the forest of Wind Valley according to customs. Rumors has it that witches will adopt these children and cultivate them into the next generation of witches.
In the depths of the forest, on the rarely visited Witch Cliff, there is a wooden cabin where the little witch and her grandmother, the old witch, live. The little witch has a clear singing voice. Every night, she always comes to practice singing on the cliffs by the forest. Her voice spreads from the high cliffs to the distance, like the ethereal and distant sound of church bells in the evening, or like the beautiful haiku in the poem.
But there was one thing that makes the little witch felt sad, she had no audience. The forest of Wind Valley was a forbidden area of the Tremeno Kingdom, and few people approached it; The old witch was also busy researching and blending various magic potions all day, and was not interested in her hobbies. She sang ancient songs day after day, and felt even more lonely.
One day, a handsome young man suddenly appeared under the cliff. He sat by the creek, closed his eyes, and raised his head slightly, as if listening to her singing. Isn't he afraid of witches? The little witch thought so. However, the place where she sang was blocked by a cliff, and the young man naturally didn't know who was singing.
"I have climbed over thousands of mountains, my body has also been severely damaged~
Disappointment is a transparent and unbreakable window on a deserted road~
Unreasoned love in this world is as cold and warm as the flames in an iceberg~
Who can go deep into the thorns without being covered in bruises~…"
Although the young man couldn't understand the language of the witch, her graceful melody and charming singing voice made him infatuated.
Soon, it was late at night, and the young man was ready to go back. He jumped off the rocks by the stream and gazed at the cliff with a lingering desire to see who sang such a beautiful song. However, he could see nothing except for the rocks, so he turned around disappointed and left.
At the same time, the little witch also lay on the edge of the cliff, curiously watching the unwelcome guest. When the young man left, she felt a little disappointed in her heart, but also had a little expectation. No matter who the young man was, she hoped he could come and listen to her singing again.
Sure enough, the young man began to frequently appear under the cliff. Over time, they formed a certain tacit understanding: sometimes the young man arrived earlier and sat quietly by the stream, waiting for the gentle singing to come; Sometimes the little witch waited quietly for the young man to arrive before she started singing; Sometimes the young man didn't come until late at night, and the little witch felt particularly lost, as if there was no motivation to sing on. The songs she sang either run out of tune or lack the ethereal charm of the past.
One night, the little witch suddenly thought to herself, what would the young man think if he knew that the one singing on the cliff was a witch? Will he run away in terror and never dare to come again? Or report to the kingdom and recruit witch hunters to eliminate her?
At this moment, suddenly came the sound of climbing. It turned out that the young man couldn't help to climb up the cliff. He wanted to see who the people singing here every night were. The little witch felt scared and instinctively used magic to attack, but she immediately regretted it. She didn't know why she did it, maybe it was just an instinctive self-defense reaction after being scared, because she really didn't want the young man to know her true identity.
In short, the young man received a heavy blow on his face and fell into the stream, making a loud "clatter" sound, startling several crows in nearby trees. The little witch ran home apologetically and did not mention this matter to the old witch.
The next day, the little witch risked her life and secretly slipped off the cliff, running to the creek. She searched everywhere but couldn't find the young man. So she looked up and asked the crow on the tree, "Excuse me, did you see where the young man went last night?"
"After falling into the creek, he was soon rescued by a few soldiers. I heard he was the prince of the kingdom," the crow said. "He risked being locked up and secretly ran out to listen to you sing, but you mercilessly knocked him off the cliff."
The little witch lowered her head deeply and said with grievances, "I didn't mean to..."
"At this moment, he will definitely never come to listen to you sing again. However, he doesn't know who attacked him, otherwise I'm afraid you will all be put on fire and executed," said the crow, flapping its wings and flying away.
The little witch sat on the ground dejected, extremely regretful. She decided to find a way to rescue the prince from confinement. She tried to sneak into the city in the quiet of the night. But she not only couldn't find where the prince was, but also almost got caught by the guards.
When the little witch was anxious and at a loss, she suddenly remembered the old witch, who always had a way.
"What's wrong, dearie?" the old witch asked in a gentle and loving voice as she looked at the magic book in the rocking chair by the fireplace. She had long recognized that the little witch was hiding something on her heart.
The little witch sat next to the old witch and told her the story about the prince.
"I just want to see him again..."
After listening to the story told by the little witch, the old witch gently closed the book, released her hand, the book floated up like a balloon, drifting into a gap in the bookshelf. Then she stood up and rummaged through the pile of clutter on the fireplace for a while. She dug out a ring and said to the little witch, "Wear this Invisible Ring, and you won't be discovered..."
She put the ring on the little witch's hand and said, "Remember, others just can't see you, but they can still hear your sounds or touch your body."
The little witch nodded. "How should I find the place where he was imprisoned?" she asked again.
"Someone will lead you the way."
"Hello, buddy," a greeting came from the side. The little witch followed the sound and saw a crow standing on the eaves, which was the one standing by the stream in the morning.
"Come with me," said the crow, flapping its wings and flying away, with the little witch closely following behind it.
They arrived at the palace together, and along the way, no one noticed the little witch. The guards in the palace were dozing off, and the little witch followed a minister who entered the palace and sneaked in. Under the guidance of the crow, she finally found the room where the prince was imprisoned.
There was a guard at the door of the room. The little witch had to run into the garden and look inside from the window of the room.
The prince hugging his knees and huddled at the head of the bed, with thick bandages wrapped around his eyes and forehead, revealing a pale and haggard face beneath the bandages.
The little witch was extremely heartbroken and couldn't help but shed tears. Unexpectedly, the prince heard the sobbing sound and immediately recognized it as the sound from the cliff.
"Is that you? I can't see..." The prince stretched out his hands in vain and groped around. That blow blinded the prince's eyes.
The little witch told him that she was very sorry. However, the language of the witch was only used for casting spells and communicating with animals, which the prince could not understand; The little witch stayed on the Witch Cliff for a long time and can not speak the common language of the kingdom.
"I'm sorry, I can't understand what you're saying," the prince said, as if the owner who understood the sound was not beside him. He slowly lowered his hands. "You came to see me, right? I'm really sorry, I haven't come to listen to you sing for so long... Can you sing me another song?"
The little witch understood the meaning of the prince, so she sang that ancient song again.
"I have trekked through countless hardships and dangers, and witnessed the changing stars shining on the horizon~
But I can only see the time turn from year to year and write about the coolness of the world~
Spending a lifetime of ups and downs trying to find the truth~
At the moment when it finally burns out, it will surely illuminate the other side~... "
After singing, it was quiet for a long time. The prince whimpered softly, "Your voice still sounds so good. By the way, do you know what attacked me that night? I only felt a force strike my face like lightning..."
The little witch lowered her head and remained silent for a long time.
"Are you leaving now?"
The little witch said she would come back in a few days and rescue him,and she would take him to the old witch and cure his eyes. After that, she didn't care if the prince understood her words, so she turned around and ran away.
The little witch returned home again, and this time she begged the old witch to use magic so that she could communicate with the prince.
The old witch squinted her eyes and leaned back on the rocking chair, swaying gently. She held a translucent crystal ball in her hand, emitting a soft glow under the glow of the fireplace. After a long pause, she finally spoke up and said, "Child, listen to my advice. If a witch gets too close to an ordinary person, there won't be a good outcome..."
"I don't understand..." said the little witch.
"You have already met him and should be satisfied. You don't need to save him. He will be released in a few days," the old witch said anxiously.
"But his eyes are blind because of me, and I want you to cure him."
The old witch understood that she couldn't persuade the stubborn child, so she sighed and shook her head, using magic to transform her into an ordinary girl.
"Until the next day, you will become an ordinary girl. You will not be discovered by your appearance and can communicate with others normally, but during this period, you will lose your identity as a witch, so you must not use magic. Remember?"
Later, the old witch reached out her wrinkled but warm and loving hand and touched the little witch's head. "Go do what you want, dearie, good luck," she said.
The little witch left the wooden house and saw the familiar crow standing on the fence outside. The crow said to her, "Hey, friend, listen to me. Don't go anymore, there won't be any good results!"
The little witch ignored the crow.
The wooden door slowly opened, and the old witch walked out trembling. The crow flapped its wings and flew to her shoulder, saying, "Why can't she listen to my advice?"
"Love makes a person foolish," the old witch shook her head helplessly, "but it also makes a person firm."
The little witch came to the window of the prince's room and told him to take him to the old witch's place to treat his eyes. The prince understood her words this time. Although he had always been taught that witches were evil, he was more willing to believe the girl in front of him.
The little witch led the prince out of the window, and under the influence of the Invisible Ring, they slipped out of the palace and ran into the forest.
They walked for several hours, and as the sky gradually darkened, the prince's injury left him feeling exhausted.
"Let's take a break..." said the prince.
The little witch found some dead branches and leaves, and started a small bonfire.
"I..."
"Hmm?"
"I want to hear you sing..."
"Okay..."
"I still maintain an innocent smile, silently licking blood to heal my wounds~
Another beautiful illusion invites me to drink delicious poison wine together~
The imagined utopia is filled with bird songs and the fragrance of flowers~
Even whispers in the wind gradually warm and melodious~... "
The prince clearly couldn't understand the witch's language, but after listening so many times, he remembered the tone of the lyrics and started singing along crookedly. But he was out of tune and singing the wrong words, which made the little witch couldn't help laughing. He walked alone through the dangerous forest just to come and listen to her singing. He came so many times that he could even sing songs even though he couldn't understand the lyrics. He just wanted to see who the singer was, but she...blinded him. The little witch secretly made up her mind that she must cure the prince's eyes.
In order to relieve boredom and make him abandon the concepts instilled in him, the little witch told the prince the story of witches. She said that the witch's room was surrounded by fresh floral fragrance, the fireplace light was soft and warm, and the sound of "gurgling" could always be heard in the big pot. The old witch was as kind as a grandmother, and she would fulfill all your wishes. The prince also talked about things in the palace, and the ministers were always trembling and worried. The guards and attendants were like cold sculptures, and his parents never cared about him. He preferred to sneak out of the palace and play in the forest. Of course, his favorite thing was to run to the cliff and listen to her singing.
"Hmm... we've been walking for so long, I'm a bit hungry," the prince touched his stomach. So the little witch asked him to sit by the campfire, telling him that she would find some food and let him wait here obediently.
The little witch spent some time picking some berries. But when she returned to the campfire, she saw several wolves bowing down and slowly approaching the prince, and the prince was still boring with his grass whiskers.
At the moment when the wolf pack pounced on the prince, the little witch forgot the old witch's warn. The magical impact hit the wolf pack, and they whined a few times before hurriedly escaping.
The remaining magic did not dissipate, but gradually gathered in the air.
"Have you come back?" The prince's lips trembled slightly and his body shrank back.
The little witch bit her lower lip tightly and dared not speak.
"Actually, I know it all. Did you attack me that day?" The prince's voice trembled slightly.
"I'm sorry... I was just scared at the time," the little witch hesitated for a while and could only say one sentence.
"There's no need to apologize, I don't blame you. Whether you're a witch or not, I won't care," the prince hugged the little witch tightly in his arms.
A meteor suddenly flashed from the sky and flew towards the top of the Witch Cliff. There were also chilling sounds coming from the forest, as the branches of the trees gradually twisted and facial features appeared on the trunks. The animal's eyes turned blood red and for no reason began to attack everything around them. The little witch felt that the concentration of magic around her was rapidly increasing.
"How terrible. The old witch said I can't use magic now, otherwise it may trigger the curse cast by Weiss."
"Ah? I thought those were all stories of deceiving children. What should we do now?"
"I'll send you to my home, you should find the old witch, only she can stop this."
"But... what about you?"
"I have violated taboos and cannot just escape like this. I will do my best to prevent the curse from spreading until the situation becomes irreversible."
"Don't try to leave me behind again..."
Before the prince could finish speaking, the little witch summoned a magic broom and flew with him towards the Witch Cliff. In the sky, the prince saw the little witch exert a magical barrier to prevent the spread of magic, but the forest and city below the mountain had already ignited a raging fire, so much so that the heat waves could be felt in the sky. Soon, he lost consciousness.
When the prince's gaze gradually became clear again, it was already in the witch's cabin. The nostrils were surrounded by the fragrance of flowers and the astringency of herbs, the warmth of the fireplace was like a gentle hand caressing his cheeks. The sound of bubbling and clanging could be heard in his ears, as the old witch was leaning on a pestle to pound medicine.
"Are you the witch?!" the prince said anxiously, "Please save everyone!"
The old witch's old and serious voice came: "You don't have to beg me to do it. But she did make a mistake because of you. As punishment for you, you must pay the price."
"What is the price?"
"The price is your most precious thing."
"What is my most precious thing?"
"All your memories about her."
The prince hesitated, and scenes of her singing and her laughter came to his mind. However, the kingdom was heading towards destruction, and he had to agree.
"I will also cure your eyes, and then you will sleep peacefully. When you wake up, you won't remember anything, everything will return to the original point..."
"And what about her?"
The grinding sound stopped, and the old witch paused for a moment, then shook her head helplessly and said coldly, "I warned her before that witches and ordinary people will not have a good outcome when interacting. Since meeting you, her fate has been predetermined..."
After speaking, the old witch sat down next to the prince, untied the bandage on his eyes, applied some wet herbs to the wound, and helped him lie down. She said softly, "Sleep, child, sleep..."
The prince felled into a deep sleep amidst the melody.
After speaking, the old witch walked out of the wooden house holding the crystal ball, and the distant flames dyed half of the night sky red.
The crystal ball emited a dazzling light blue light, which was the same color as the lightning in the night sky overhead. Soon there was a dull thunder, and rainstorm also followed.
The crystal ball absorbed the magic of the old witch, and her hands holding the crystal ball began to wither, as if all the moisture had been sucked away. The withering gradually spread along her arms, and she sighed with a bitter smile, "Oh, I'm too old and useless."
When the rainstorm stopped, the old witch became a stone statue. A gust of wind blew by, and the crystal ball felled from her rough palm, shattering on the stone.
Many years later, magic was no longer banned in the Kingdom of Tremeno, and the image of witches in the eyes of the people of the kingdom was no longer an embodiment of evil. However, for a long time, no one had ever seen a real witch again. On a cliff at the edge of the forest, every night, the melancholic and weathered king would come to sit by the creek. Sometimes the moon was bright, sometimes the clouds were dense, sometimes the rain was continuous, but no matter what weather, he always appeared on time.
No one knows what he was doing there, he just seemed to be daydreaming. He closed his eyes, as if recalling the past that had dissipated in the wind, and as if listening attentively to the non-existent song. At the corner of his mouth, sometimes a faint smile appeared, and sometimes a clear tear slipped by.
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Hello again! I was going to enjoy this without bothering you further, but since no one has mentioned it yet…
This story reads a lot like folklore. The talking animals and matter of fact writing style, the slightly out of the blue meteor fall that actually links to what was said at the very beginning, the tragically cathartic ending, the death/disappearance of the last two persecuted witches as a symbolic end of the old order.
It particularly reminds me of the Little Mermaid (specifically the one written by the Grimm brothers, I suppose, seeing as the little witch presumably dies here too), with all the voice/song symbolism, forbidden love, rule-breaking, and themes of mutual ignorance. Not saying that is where any inspiration for this story came from; I come from a European cultural background, so this is just a bit of curious reader projection.
I really did enjoy reading this – even if this wasn’t supposed to emulate folklore, it’s a dynamic story with a solid moral backbone and fascinating, well utilised symbolism.
Have a lovely rest of your day!
The blob.
Yes, the characters and background of this story are similar to the style of traditional European fairy tales. However, in reality, there may not be similar folk folklores. I think it is important to choose a suitable style in order to tell such a story well.
Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Top Graham Cracker:
The young witch is safe with the older witch, but has almost no company; so when a man - the prince - began routinely coming to the cliff to hear her sing, she was overjoyed. However, their love could not last due to the vast drift between witches and humans in the kingdom.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow:
As much as I loved the story, there were a few errors (mostly grammatical) I spotted.
First of all, this sentence:
"But there was one thing that makes the little witch felt sad, she had no audience."
This sentence doesn't make too much sense. Perhaps you could consider writing it like this:
But there was one thing that made the little witch feel sad- she had no audience.
Of course, that's entirely up to you as the author. Except the tense changes in the story, nothing else seems to be 'wrong'.
Chocolate Bar:
I absolutely loved the bittersweet ending- it was realistic and not sugar-coated, if you get what I mean. The last line is a perfect ending:
"sometimes a faint smile appeared, and sometimes a clear tear slipped by."
I also adore your descriptions because they don't ramble on and on (like I do) but they are adequate for your writing style. The body language for each character is also conveyed very well!
Closing Graham Cracker:
Overall, I really enjoyed reading this story!
Happy Writing!
-WordWeaver1357
Thanks for your review! I apologize for these grammar errors. I used to write in my native language, and publishing stories on YWS was my first attempt to write in English.
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we begin with the spooky S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - The little witch lives in a cabin with the old witch. She’s protected, but lonely. Then, a Prince comes to hear her songs and suddenly, she has someone to give her company. Someone she loves dearly but sadly cannot be with…
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow -I think that you meant to say that “her” charming singing voice made the Prince infatuated instead of “his”, but that’s just one thing. You don’t have to listen to this.
Chocolate Bar - This whole story felt very magical and sorrowful. I especially liked the ending, with the King going by the creek to listen to her songs. He still loves the little witch. His subconscious remembers the little witch, but his conscious doesn’t. The heart will always remember their true love.
Closing Graham Cracker -I was hoping that the little witch and the Prince would end up together, but life doesn’t always end happily. There are terrible things that happen to wonderful people. I enjoyed the magic in the story and the fact that the Prince came to listen to her songs every single time…so romantic. I loved this. :>
I wish you a beautiful day/night.
Thank you for your review. I personally love romantic but not vulgar stories, so I always try to use this style in my own stories.
hey i have a question, im trying to publish my first chapter of my book. and when i went to try and publish it, it didnt have the publish button but the save draft, i clicked the save draft and now it wont allow me to publish my chapter. so what do i do to publish it if it wont let me publish it
It seems that YWS needs to consume points when publishing works, and you currently do not have any points. You can earn at least 200 points by writing reviews (not ordianry comments) before trying to publish.
Hi, I must say I really loved the plot, and your world-building is really admirable. I really loved the songs the the lyrics of the song, they had such a witchy yet beautiful vibe to them. I am in love with some of your descriptions but at some points, I feel like they were not equally divided, like some places lacked the description they needed. "They arrived at the palace together, and along the way, no one noticed the little witch. The guards in the palace were dozing off, and the little witch followed a minister who entered the palace and sneaked in. Under the guidance of the crow, she finally found the room where the prince was imprisoned." like in this part. The only other problem I noticed was tense shift, you changed the tense midst writing. "On a cliff at the edge of the forest, every night, the melancholic and weathered king would come to sit by the creek. Sometimes the moon is bright, sometimes the clouds are dense, sometimes the rain is continuous, but no matter what weather, he always appears on time." here for example you were going in past and then suddenly into present but this is a minor problem which can be easily solved by proof reading. Loved every other thing about the story. Good luck for thousands of stories ahead!
Thank you for your likes and suggestions! In fact, there are still many stories I have written before that have not been published on YWS. However, I have been writing in my native language, and there is no tense change in Chinese, so I did not pay attention to it when writing in English. Isbah also pointed out this problem to me before, and I will carefully check and modify it later.
Loved it!
hi!
The plot is really good and I love your descriptions. There are a few grammatical mistakes though. You switch the tense in the middle of the story. I think it can be improved if you read over it and make sure it is all in past tense. That's all I have to say. Good luck writing!
Thank you for the reminder. I will carefully revise it when I have time.