Young Love...
those words from the lips of my lover/
who seems to think love is just a game; just a possession of some sort/
his love was driving me crazy and i couldnt make up my mind to whether it was forced or whether it was true genuine love in front of me/
i dread to think of how he would leave me and never say he loved me/
i dare not think of those lonely heart aches and pains from his voice/
sounding so cold and so much of it filled with hate and anger/
but you told me to never think twice on our love because it would blossom into something great/
something that didnt have to be analyzed and over thought/
young love is something i can be without /
i can be happily in like with you,but love...
Love... such a small powerful word that can do so much damage/
but time progresses and i havent thought twice/
i've let our love take us where we needed to go/
whether it was good and happy/
or bad and had a tradegy/
this young love is so complex and difficult/
yet i go along on the ride and take every bump and bruise that comes our way/
im here to stay in this young love/
im just not so sure i want it with you anymore/
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140,903 Literary Works • 673,714 Reviews
Thank you for all the feed back.
It will better me as a writer
This was pretty good.
I would suggest capitalizing the 'I' for every line (as the poster above no doubt mentioned) and I would just get rid of the slashes that are at the ends of some of the lines. Unless they're there to make a point, they're otherwise unnecessary.
Otherwise, good job. Simple poem, simple point. I wish other people would try to write minimalist poetry and not get so complicated.
first foo, remember to capitalize your I's! I haven't even read this yet and I noticed almost none of your I's were capitalized... something we like to do here at YWS (since you are new
)
Also, I noticed you had these / after every would- be sentence... why not just commas?
Another thing. If I were you, I would try putting these into stanzas... I think it would work much, much better!
I know what you were saying in this sentence, but it is still a little confusing...
Your punctuation in the whole thing, and capitalization, are both definitely in desperate need of work. Try to work on that! As a writer, you must write professionally and clearly; without proper punctuation and capitalization, two basics of writing, how can you be a great writer?
I am not trying to hurt your feelings... I'm very, very sorry if you think I am being harsh
I'm really not harsh.
Good work with this! I liked it, besides all the little nit- picks and things I pointed out. Keep working on it!