Published March 5, 2013
In the walmart bathroom, just stole a test
Hoping for negative, but positive it said
"Pregnant" what will she do?
Only fifteen years old, and has no clue.
Thought about abortion, even adoption
Scattered thoughts with only one option
Keep it, She wanted something to love forever
It will be difficult, but she will endeavor
She thinks it will be easy, he'll never leave me
Were starting a family, he could never decieve me
Never Hurt me or never cheat me, no worries, this will be easy,
As her pregnancy goes furthur, her belly extends
She lost alot of people even her friends
Her relationship even started to end,
But she was in love, or she had to pretend
Finds out shes having a baby boy,
cant stop smiling and filled with joy
Her body was changing, new marks all over
Emotions were heightened, and confidence went lower,
Her mom got evicted, because of her brother
So she moved in with the boyfriend, because they loved eachother
As months went by True colors showed,
Hurtful words toward her, but she wouldnt let go
She started to think she was going crazy
Her stress levels high because of this baby
Contractions start, Hes ready to meet her
In labor for 12 hours, Hes finally seen her
Looking down at this little guy with big eyes
She introduced herself smiled, and said hi
At the moment she realized, that she had to tell her teen years bye
As she grows up, the dad grows down
Came a long way, Shes a woman now,
She walks away, and only looks forward
She had to do what would be best for her.
She wants nothing more than to be better and strive
Chose her job over her friends and getting high
Clear mind, wants nothing more than to be a great mother
She knows her son will always be there and love her
Nathan Michael, hes the one who made her
Without even trying he motivates her,
and now she knows hes the angel that saved her.
And thanks God everyday for the wonderful gift hes gave her.
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140,831 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
i can relate to this
This piece has a really good perspective on the growing problem of teen pregnancy. Some of your grammar didn't quite make sense, so just read it out loud to yourself and see how you could word it better, especially on lines one and seven, but there are a few more. I'm not sure if this is a poem or not, but I suppose you could make it one if you separated it into stanzas. Otherwise, great work!
Hi there! My name is Hope and I shall be the reviewer for your piece!
Overall, I think that this piece is relevant to today's society where teen pregnancies are becoming more and more common. However, this story had some errors in it that I just wanted to point out. I'm just going to go line by line and my corrections will (hopefully) show up in bold. If I do this wrong however, forgive me.
I really enjoyed the rhyming that you had going on throughout the piece. At times the rhythm was a bit off, but it is very hard to keep time when writing a piece such as this. I would recommend reading your poem out loud while tapping a pen on the table or something just so that you can see if your timing is off on a particular line.
I think that you have a lot of potential to be a great writer. You seem to have a natural ability to tell a story. It's very hard to do that in a poem, but despite a few grammatical errors, I thought that this was a nice piece.
Best Wishes!
-Hope