z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Silver Binding

by Neverland


Silver Binding

The howling wind echoes through the house like some ferocious beast invading the human world. The nearby trees whip about, and some are even uprooted and tossed into the air. Hiding from the storm, Eveline Hearts huddles in the corner of her old attic, wrapped from head to toe in soft blankets, clutching a red book with a silver binding. The warm glow from the candle’s light ignites the darkness, giving off a safe feeling, as if she were embraced by light. Her fingers tremble with anticipation as she flips a page of her book, the page crinkling at her touch. The words dance in front of her eyes, creating a play, unfolding a story within her mind.

Eveline finds herself lying in the heart of a meadow, blue skies above. A slight breeze rustles the blades of grass around her, causing them to sway back and forth, as if they were dancing to a tune. The flowers lean over, waving to the blades of grass, humming along to the melody, an occasional flower petal tumbling in the breeze. Eveline slowly closes her eyes, feeling the sun gently kiss her cheek, and her thoughts of discomfort flee. She yawns and rubs her eyes, slowly climbing to her feet.

The birds chirp overhead and Eveline stretches her arms. She feels a strange twitch in her upper arm. She swings her arm a few times, and the unusual feeling immediately disappears, leaving her feeling lively again. She gazes off into the distance and sees a small path that leads towards the creekside. As she takes a step towards the path, her ankle tingles slightly. She looks down and sees a red ladybug crawling up her leg. Reaching down to lift her little visitor, she smiles to herself and releases the ladybug back into the wilderness. Eveline skips through the meadow, the butterflies surrounding her lovingly, tickling her face, arms, and body. The butterflies dance around her as she twirls down the path. The sides of the path are dotted with flowers, which bow to her as she passes by singing to herself. The flowers hum along, creating perfect harmony with her, their singing filling the peaceful environment. She stumbles over a tree root but quickly regains her balance, and lies down at the edge of the creek by the stump of an oak tree. Her eyes begin to close as she drifts off to sleep, the butterflies silencing around her.

Her eyes flicker open and she rubs them before looking around at her surroundings. The attic is dark. The candlestick has toppled to the floor and is now right next to the red book with a silver binding. Eveline’s eyes widen with disbelief as they register a body. No, not just any body.... Her body. Her body lies crumpled at the bottom of the staircase, her face, arms, and body studded with shards of glass. Her ankle is twisted to a strange angle, and her arm is carved by a gash. Her entire body is splattered with blood. Her lifeless eyes stare into nothingness, as if she were a puppet. Eveline screams, a scream that echoes through the house. She clutches her head tightly and she falls to her knees.

Eveline's eyes snap open, her forehead covered in beads of sweat, her lungs gasping for air. She immediately springs to her feet and examines her surroundings. Nothing is different. She had merely fallen asleep. She closes her eyes, leans back against the tree, and listens to the rush of the stream and the rustling of the leaves. The water continues to flow evenly and the breeze continues to blow gently, calming Eveline. Snap! The rustling stops at the sound of a tree branch snapping above her head. She looks up. The tree branch brushes against her face, tickling her cheek, and everything goes black.

* * *

The storm has stopped and the sun has come out. A few paramedics rush to the wrecked houses. They climb over the rubble in search of survivors.

“Hey, Luke! Look at what I found here!”

“What is it, Chase?” Luke shouts, hurrying over to where Chase stands. “Yep, she’s dead alright. But damn, she looks so peaceful.”

“Oh, look, what’s this?” Chase asks. He has flipped over the woman’s body, revealing a red book with a silver binding. “What a pretty book! I think I'll keep this one.”

Luke chuckles to himself, shaking his head. “Just don’t get yourself into trouble again, okay?”

Chase stuffs the book into his backpack and nods in reply. “Got it. I won’t.”

тнιѕ ιѕ тнe laѕт day тнaт cнaѕe wιll вe ѕeen alιve.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
172 Reviews


Points: 4915
Reviews: 172

Donate
Mon Sep 07, 2015 3:47 am
RagingLive wrote a review...



Hello, hello! RagingLive here to review your amazing short story!
First off, this short showed wonderful imagination that played off of the reader’s as well. I think it was a wonderful piece of writing and I can’t wait to get into the review, so let’s get started!

A slight breeze rustles the blades of grass around her, causing them to sway back and forth, as if they were dancing to a tune.

I underlined the second comma because, going by the glow of the poem, I’m not quite sure that it’s necessary. If it were me, I would remove it, but I don’t think that it poses a serious grammatical error so you’ll have to decide for yourself.

No, not just any body…. Her body.

Here is a slight misuse of ellipses. When using ellipses, the proper way is to have three dots each separated by a space and a space before and after the sequence unless you are ending with quotations. I’ll show both examples:
“No, not just any body . . . her body”
“No, not just any body . . .
The second example isn’t telling you to change it, it was just an example of ellipses ending with a quotation mark.

She clutches her head tightly and she falls to her knees.

I would change the ‘and’ to an ‘as.’ To me it just seems to flow better, but that can be a matter of personal opinion.
Nice ‘nightmare’ scene by the way! 

The water continues to flow evenly and the breeze continues to blow gently, calming Eveline. Snap!

Here, I would suggest that you move the ‘snap!’ onto its own line and also italicize it to make it seem more dramatic. As it is, it just looks like someone saying, “Oh, snap!” but you want it to sound like a Snap!

A few paramedics rush to the wrecked houses. They climb over the rubble in search of survivors.

I know that paramedics are firefighters just have extra training, but I think it would make more sense if you referenced the ‘firefighters and paramedics’ just to clear up some confusion.

I do think that it’s odd that Chase would be allowed to take the book, maybe Luke should put up a bit more resistance to the idea. Also, I think that it would be cool if you had Chase give a brief description of what the book was about, unless you want it to be as mysterious and ominous as it can be by just calling it a ‘red book with silver binding.’ That’s cool, too.

Like the others don’t think that the last line is needed, but it you do want to keep it, I would say remove the bolding and font as it’s really distracting when you’re trying to read the main section of the story but have scrolled just enough to see the ending.

I think that you show great promise in writing. You have a good eye for detail, and I loved how in her daydream/nightmare she kept feeling things but also kept brushing them off. That was genius!

Please, keep writing and keep on smiling! :)
~RagingLive




User avatar
214 Reviews


Points: 14468
Reviews: 214

Donate
Wed Jun 17, 2015 12:07 pm
View Likes
artybirdy wrote a review...



I applaud your originality! I have never read about books being the killers. I liked the mystery you have created about the silver binding book. It makes us wonder if it was cursed or something. On that note, I loved your description of the meadow. It appeared effortless and the imagery you have provided us with feels peaceful in itself, just like you had intended. The starting paragraph hinted at a forthcoming danger and though it’s cliché, I think it fits this story.

тнιѕ ιѕ тнe laѕт day тнaт cнaѕe wιll вe ѕeen alιve.


I don’t think that was needed. I could tell from their dialogues that the murderer was, in fact, the book. Here, you made it too obvious. Perhaps you should subtly display that Chase’s life is at risk.

Well done, and keep writing!




User avatar
76 Reviews


Points: 1666
Reviews: 76

Donate
Mon Jun 15, 2015 3:21 am
View Likes
PaperNessa wrote a review...



Well, the concept of a "killer book" is different, to say the least. I must commend your creative mind for that one. However, I was overwhelmed by the cliched descriptions and overall tone... the last sentence especially:

тнιѕ ιѕ тнe laѕт day тнaт cнaѕe wιll вe ѕeen alιve.


I feel as though Chase's reply is enough to imply that he will be the next victim. You don't need to add such overly dramatic language to get your point across. I don't know your age, of course; this language is typically used in children's stories when tone is not easily registered by the young reader.

Anyways, in the first paragraph I liked the way you set the scene in the attic. Your use of diction to create imagery was noteworthy. My only suggestion is to reprimand this line:

The warm glow from the candle’s light ignites the darkness, giving off a safe feeling, as if she were embraced by light.


The candle cannot feel. Eveline feels. I would make that clearer and maybe remove that the candle "gives off a safe feeling" - simply because candles cannot do that. It can radiate light which evokes emotion in the character.

I don't have any suggestions when you describe Eveline in the meadow. It was too cliche for my tastes. As for the ending, it was extremely rushed.

Overall, I liked the concept.




Neverland says...


I included the meadow part to create parallel structure between the real world and her dream world.
For example, the sun is the candle, the path is the staircase, the ladybug is what twisted her ankle, the butterflies being glass, the stumbling being her falling down the staircase, etc. etc.
Everything that happens in the dream world corresponds with something that happens in the real world.

I'm not sure if you noticed that, but that's the reason why I used a meadow (especially since a lot of things can happen there), and why the ending may seem "rushed" (because everything has already happened, but in the parallel universe).

Thanks for the review!

|Peter Pan|




This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much all of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movement of small green pieces of paper, which was odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.
— Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy