My grandmother gave four brand new shirts,
Each of them a new color like the four seasons.
“I do not need these.”
One of them was as bright as the sun on a day with no clouds,
The days we call the good days.
The next one was darker shade, mucky and muddy.
It was like the mud pies I made with my dad in the back yard
Under the tree that changed colors.
The third one was an icy cold that reminded me of Christmas.
Ice and water combined to make one and it fell from the sky.
The fourth one, though, was my favorite.
It was the start of something new, something good,
After something so cold, and dark.
It was peaceful like the garden in my grandmother’s backyard;
Neat, but messy. Colorful, but organized.
“I do not need these,” I told my grandmother, “Give them to someone else.”
She insisted, putting them back into my bag when I had unpacked them.
“Oh what do you know, dearie. You’re only four.”
The shirts needed to go to another kid, another boy who will love them more than I did.
“I do not need these.”
But my grandmother was a sweet person
And I wore the one that was calm after the storm to make her smile.
I left to go home, driving down the road, accepting what I had known.
I knew most people needed an entire lifetime to make their impact on the earth
While others just need a vacation.
So when the two cars met, it was like the explosions of two people falling out of love.
My daddy always told me to fly and when I flew from the car that night,
The wind flirted with my hair, the shirt gave me warmth, and I was ready to go home.
“I do not need these.”
I was going somewhere much better,
And when you drive the hour drive to my grave each year, twice a year,
Once for May, memorial day and my birthday, and the second on Christmas,
I’ll give you the signs to let you know I’m there.
I’ll be the wind blowing the pinwheels as you sing happy birthday.
I’ll be the owls in the tree in the middle of the day when they should be sleeping,
Watching you light the tree.
I will always be with you, in every shirt and season.
When you’re as happy as the sun,
When you’re as sick as the mud pies,
When you’re as sad as the cold,
And when it’s better after the storm.
I’ve been gone for thirty years and I’ll be gone for thirty more,
But the tears that you give me,
“I do not need these.”
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139,362 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
Wow, there are so many words I could say about this… It's beautifully written. I love the symbolism in it, and the way you write! While it is beautiful, I get this mystical and a sense that puts me on edge! Great job on this! You should keep writing!
Hello!
Steggy here for a review!
Nice cute little poem, you have here. From the previous reviews, I can tell this was for a boy who you seemed to cherish deeply. In the beginning, you seem to start off with a childhood memory that might go towards meeting this "Steven". This poem also seems to have that cliche feeling to it, you know? Girl Meets Guy; Guy Doesn't Like Girl Back; Girl Is Heartbroken-- yadda yadda. Also, it seems to be a story. Like I stated before, a cliche love story.
You seem to use first person in poetry, and I read from somewhere that when a reader is reading a poem (first person poem), they feel as if they are there and can feel how the narrator is. However, the reader wasn't there to begin with. Kinda like peeking into a little scrapbook and seeing a little spot of your history (a summary of what is important to you). When writing in first person, make sure you have the emotion that can relate back to the reader, because they could react more different from you. They want to step into your shoes with a poem like this.
You have some good metaphors and similes that could sum up the life of going through the hassle of not wanting this (I think you should rename this poem to "I do not need these" or something of the latter).
The shirts seem to symbolize something, as I continue reading this. As you said before, it seems to hold the different weather patterns. Which could relate to how you feel with "Steven" and I like that.
When using the dialogue between your grandma and yourself, it seems kinda... off-balanced? Although it does give an insight on the relationship together, it doesn't quite fit into the poem.
Overall, this is a good poem and holds a clear thought for the future. If you want me to go over anything, let me know!
Steggy
Hey NeverNerLandGirl!!!!!! I would just like to say that this poem gave me chills! At first I didn't know where you were going to go with this poem, and I most definitely did not expect that! Now on to the literary part: I love the symbolism and the description of the shirts! I knew they were going to tie into the end, but that was marvelous. I also liked the aspect of the repetition of the line: “I do not need these.”, especially at the end, talking about the tears shed for the young girl. I was tearing up reading it, and I cannot imagine living it. (As you had said that it was a true event) I love your style of writing, and all I can say is to keep doing what you're doing!
Thanks,
SpencerReidIsMyLife
Hey NeverNerLandGirl!!!!!! I would just like to say that this poem gave me chills! At first I didn't know where you were going to go with this poem, and I most definitely did not expect that! Now on to the literary part: I love the symbolism and the description of the shirts! I knew they were going to tie into the end, but that was marvelous. I also liked the aspect of the repetition of the line: “I do not need these.”, especially at the end, talking about the tears shed for the young girl. I was tearing up reading it, and I cannot imagine living it. (As you had said that it was a true event) I love your style of writing, and all I can say is to keep doing what you're doing!
Thanks,
SpencerReidIsMyLife
Hey NeverNerLandGirl!!!!!! I would just like to say that this poem gave me chills! At first I didn't know where you were going to go with this poem, and I most definitely did not expect that! Now on to the literary part: I love the symbolism and the description of the shirts! I knew they were going to tie into the end, but that was marvelous. I also liked the aspect of the repetition of the line: “I do not need these.”, especially at the end, talking about the tears shed for the young girl. I was tearing up reading it, and I cannot imagine living it. (As you had said that it was a true event) I love your style of writing, and all I can say is to keep doing what you're doing!
Thanks,
SpencerReidIsMyLife
Hey, thanks for the review!!! Steven was actually a boy and it's a story that my half-sister told me that had happened in her family. It inspired me to write the poem. You're so sweet, thank you for you kind words!