I'm thinking the last two verses need something to separate them haha I'll get round to it eventually. I'm happy with this so far!
Mislead To Misery
Seeing days drag on,,
In a place you belong,,
But your lifes been paused,,
And it's not right anymore,,
Is this only another phase,,
Something for new memories to erase,,
Is this something you learn,,
Or is it something we've earned,,
With a step out the door,,
There's so much new to explore,,
But when you sew all these ties,,
To a world built on lies,,
You are only ever held back,,
To where life really dies,,
Left wandering forgotten train tracks,,
The signs all promised you,,
A future great and true,,
But nobody tells you what really waits,,
A breaking horizon full of sharks,,
Twisted currents and restless snakes,,
But through crystal waters you will see,,
An angle shining sent by me,,
With a step out the door,,
There's so much new to explore,,
But when you sew all these ties,,
To a world built on lies,,
You are only ever held back,,
To where life really dies,,
Left wandering forgotten train tracks,,
Know that you wont meet this angel,,
Untill you finally sleep,,
Because when you sleep,,
You only see whats been seen,,
Who you've met and with whom you've been,,
And in the dark with all of time to think,,
You will know that true angels all grieve,,
With a step out the door,,
There's so much new to explore,,
But when you sew all these ties,,
To a world built on lies,,
You are only ever held back,,
To where life really dies,,
Left wandering forgotten train tracks,,
I write lyrics all the time! I hope you guys like them and check out some of my other stuff too! I am terrible at spelling and don't know what verbs and s*** are but like... I'd be happy to give lyric advice if you think i'm worthy. I generally edit these things every time I open the document though hahah
Thanks!
~ Matt Deleritae
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
This legit brought tears to my eyes because of the memories it brought to me.
My older brother lied to my face and then a year later turned around and told everyone we knew I was the liar. He left my life shortly after that. It burns in my mind and heart because he took the trust he had and broke it with a simple paragraph. He didnt have the guts to tag me in it weather to make sure that I kept at least some of my friends or because he was scared of my best friend Irish. Now i sit quietly and cry. I even go to his profile on facebok and read the post he made the day he told them. this song describes everything I feel perfectly and it makes me cry. I would love to read more of your works because this song here......It's great.
~Sam
Hey there, Nero! Scar here to review your lyrics for you. Right. Let's get to it!
Okay, first off. You don't need the double commas. That's the ,, part. One will work.
I'm going to do some nit picking, so be prepared.
Like I said above. You only need one comma. Also, lifes should probably be "life's", as lifes isn't a word but lives is. I assume you're just talking to one person, though, so I'm thinking you mean "life's" or "life is". Spelling and grammar is important. Without these, you'll confuse people.
Full stop here , after "anymore", I think. Because the next line or two, if i'm correct, is a question? So that needs a question mark, not the comma. Something the next two lines need as well, I believe. When you give lyrics to the person who's going to sing them, I think they should be able to tell what you're implying depending on your punctuation, spelling and grammar, etc.
Full stop here after "waits", too, I think.
I think that should be "won't". Don't forget to punctuate, okay? That's important. Because "wont' isn't "won't". It's wont, which means something completely different to "won't".
Spoiler
quote]You only see whats been seen,,[/quote]
Again, I think that should be "what's".
Try not to use the same word to end sentence for two lines in a row. It can make things awkward, and really. A good rhyme sounds similar but is a different word, not the same one. I suggest trying to use a different word or maybe edit it a little. I think that maybe "close your eyes" on either line would work.
And I think that's it for the nit-picking-ness. Moving on to less picky things. Like you overall general flow. It's pretty good and kinda catchy. I was actually reading this semi-out loud in places and it sounds really good. I like the flow, and the imagery, when I could figure out what you were trying to say, was great. I would love to actually hear someone sing this. So if anyone is up for it, please let me know!
I really liked this part;
This is an interesting set of lyrics. I hope this review helped you! That's about all I have to say, sadly. Remember; keep it up and never stop writing!
~Scar.
Greetings Nerosns!
Firstly, happy review! This is my first review for the day so...
Anyway, back to the piece.
Ok, this quite interesting. The first thing I notice is double commas. I read your reply to Grape Nerd's review, and noticed you said something about it being your signature. That is all fine by me, but please keep in mind that punctuation, especially at the end of lines, provide the piece with a certain rhythm and movement, thu I think you should just mention that it is your signature and not technically part of the piece. Thag will just eliminate any further confusion.
Another I noticed is that your verse lengths vary. Now, because this is lyrics first and poetry second, I'll judge it accordingly. Usually when you write lyrics, the verses are the same length, as well as the lines (most of time), but we'll get to them in a moment. The reason why the verse should be the same length is so that it fits in with the piece. I mean, you can't have a sifferent melody for each verse, that would be crazy (I know, I've been taking music since grade 2 and I'm in grade 11 now)
But that a minor detail.
As I was readind your piece, I noticed very little spelling errors, but did notice two words where you omitted the apostrophe. Like:
Verse 1, line 3: lifes - life's
Verse 3, line 4: whats -what's
The content inspiring and beautifully told. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece.
Over all, this piece was well-written and easy to read. I therefore rate it 7.5 out of ten. Splendid!
Sincerely,
The Wandering Wizard
These lyrics are incredibly inspiring. They're so deep and I relate very well. I play guitar and I try to write lyrics like this but I have limited creativity. Your song writing skill is epic!
Hi, I'm here to review your work!
Well, I must be honest with you, I didn't realize that these were lyrics, not a poem. It's pretty good, and the flow is pretty smooth. However, I do think that the use of double commas at the end of each line are really necessary. Try using just one, or maybe replacing a few with periods or question marks wherever they're needed. Seeing as these are lyrics for a song I don't think it's very necessary since you'll probably sing these out loud. BUT! Punctuation is key to writing, even lyrics. They help make the whole thing flow smoothly.
Another thing, you have a few typos in certain areas, such as angle. I think you mean angel? I might be wrong, but I encourage you to go over your work for typos and errors like that.
Overall this is pretty good! I enjoyed reading it (and trying to sing it..)! I don't really think it needs much editing, just the punctuation and a few typos.
Keep writing!
GrapeNerd
I must be honest with you too ^^, Songs... ARE poetry by extension
So whatever you think it is is really okay with me.
It's just an earlier form. Just like rap... and screamo are completely different, they are both songs for they share the same roots!
As for the double commas... long story short, that's my thang. It may annoy you but I've been doing that for about 5 years. It's just my own little... mark?
And yeah that's been thoroughly edited a few times haha
I can't spell to save my life :'D
I'm really glad you enjoyed it! thanks heaps!!! It means alot
I will!
Oh, well I guess you should keep the commas in then, seeing as they must be your signature thing!