Never coming home never coming home,,
There’s no sentiment in your departure,,
You were the only one that knew,,
You were never coming home,,
Well how’s this young boy grown,,
Truth is you’ll never know,,
In your mind I must be buried,,
For in mine you've dug your grave,,
Do standing photo's haunt you,,
Day by day you live knowing,,
Knowing my blank space in time,,
You've thrown away what mad kings kill for,,
Without reason at all,,
Through the smoke, through the fire,,
I've lost an innocent desire,,
To be wanted, to proud,,
Now I’m singing aloud,,
I don't need you and know I never did,,
You can reach out falsely,,
But you can’t deny this truth anymore,,
I’ve seen you for what you are,,
A coward, hiding in my fading memories,,
How can you let blood threaten me,,
When you care nothing for what it means,,
Blood ties but unattended ties wither,,
You’ve tainted lines and corrupted these veins,,
With your blackened heart,,
Through the smoke, through the fire,,
I've lost an innocent desire,,
To be wanted, to proud,,
Now I’m singing aloud,,
I don't need you and know I never did,,
They told me all things heal in time,,
I doubt my innocence ever will,,
You’re never coming home, never came home,,
And now you’ve nothing to come home to,,
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
I am simply wowed by your amazing song writing skills. You really have the power to get emotions across with your words. As a child whom grew up without the stereotypical fatherly role scenario, I relate to this very well. But the best one of the best things about this song is you don't use specifics in the dialog. You are very broad and therefore this song can be related to by people even if they did have fathers. This song definitely hits all the right places in the musical soul. I think the one thing I have criticism on would be the last line, "And now you've nothing to come home to." I think that if you want to send the message that because of that missing part in your life that what you have is nothing, then maybe instead of only emphasizing on it in the the last line, find a way to twist it into the rest of the song. This is only a small suggestion for my preference, so if you don't agree it's not an issue. Otherwise, your writing skills are beautiful and I would love to read more of your work!
-Shaylin
Great job ^-^ I loved it. Your word choice was simply amazing and it all flowed very nicely. Before reading it, I thought it was going to be about a boy grieving the loss of his father -and though it was in a way, it wasn't how I expected to be. One thing I love about prose, songs, and poetry, is the fact that it can be interpreted in several different ways.
I look forward to reading more of it.
"You’re never
coming home, never came home,," for example. Who's to say that the father truly isn't present? Maybe he's simply not there as he was. Maybe that person's never coming back...
My favorite lines were also:
"In your mind I must
be buried,,
For in mine you've dug your grave,,"
Keep up the good work!
I'm to say
hahaha
No but I totally get what you are saying. I want to connect as deeply to as many people as possible. There is truth in all of these words. But like you said, it's open to interpretation. For example " Through the smoke, through the fire. I've lost an innocent desire" to some may related to growing up and even though it's a small thing. Act's such as smoking to some people (Tobacco, weed, chemicals, whatever) often feel like one way doors. And seeing as this piece is about growing abandoned by quite an important role model I feel it really fit's in quite well.
And yeah those lines are mint condition. I've made a few people look up and just stare at me mouth open like a trout haha
Thankyou very very much
I'm glad you enjoyed it and seem so keen ^^,
No problem
It was certainly my pleasure!
This was amazing.
I LOVED HOW IT ENDED.
amazing work . Would love to see it turned into an actual song. An alternative metal kinda thing. Would be amazing :'')
My favourite lines were :
"In your mind I must
be buried,,
For in mine you've dug your grave,,"
and the last stanza of course. It was beautiful
I liked the emotions running through the words. Great job
Hassan
Thankyou so much ^^.
One-day it might be! I scream and I'm teaching myself to sing a little better everyday.
My friends always tell me I'm talented with words but it's taken me years to put this somewhere for people to read.
You should have been me when I wrote those lines, being based on truth. It was heavier than bootstrap bills legs before he sold his soul to Davey Jones haha xD
I'm really glad you enjoyed it. These words mean alot to me... not just because of the meaning behind them but because I want them to be enjoyed.
Until, I start a band, this is as good as it gets. So thank you so much
Okay, might republish this later, whats up with the formatting haha