Hey there! Congrats on your first poem - it turned out fairly well! 
I see you commented that you had problems with the formatting; this article might help you out How to Format Poetry another method is to just click "SHIFT & ENTER" every time you want a line break to avoid the double-spacing.
Meaning
I thought it was a bit hard to discern the meaning of the piece. On the base it seemed to be a description of light, that sheds "light" on the people that surround them. That the world is filled with gluttons, and weary, and the hardened - that humankind is filled with pain. And then the poem gets specific and say in particular the light shines on the speaker, upon their personal despair and plight.
I like that you went for some metaphors in here, but the meaning could be a bit clearer. For instance, I wasn't sure if the subject for most of the poem was the moon, or the "great lamps" or if the "great lamps" were actually stars. So it was a little difficult to understand what I was reading.
I'd also love for you to give a bit more specificity to the speaker's own despair so that as a reader we can connect better to what the conflict and problem they are going through is. In fact this seems like the crux of the poem, because all the other lines are general - "light shines and it shows the pain of the world" - that's hard to connect to, because it's not specific.
Grammar, Punctuation, Capitalization
In poetry you get to play with the rules of grammar a bit - it's okay to have partial sentences, or run-ons, or whatever best communicates the tone and meaning you're going after. The only issue is often complete sentences end up flowing the best and making more sense - so there's a bit of a give and take.
I thought your capitalization was fine since it was consistent! So didn't distract from the meaning of the piece. Except in line 4 where I think you should capitalize "with" to keep everything consistent.
I think you got a bit carried away with commas though - for instance if you just read these lines through as a sentence, it's incredibly difficult to understand what is being said;
"The piercing white scrapes the sky, softly, do the great lamps bellow with their promises of sight and delight, many show the gluttons" - It might be that because you're using "white" as a noun, and then didn't split the sentence in two, but I'd just maybe take a second look and make sure that everything makes sense.
As a last punctuation comment, there are very rarely times that ellipses (...) are used well or effectively in poetry. If you want to make a dramatic pause, a single period, a hyphen, or a line break look a bit more natural. I think the issue with ellipses is that although in the past they may have been appropriate to indicate thinking or pausing, now their connotation is akin to someone losing their trail of thought rather than thinking, or trying to build up for a punch line. So I'd advise to remove ellipses in favor of a hyphen, single period, or line-break, unless you're going for a humorous tone.
A Few Other Thoughts
I like that you tried a bit of rhyme here and there, that improved the flow and cadence of the piece. Your language and word choice also seemed elevated, which I enjoyed.
I also like that the subject you chose is pretty unique - this whole metaphor of light being what exposes the pain of the world is interesting, because normally we think of light in a positive connotation rather than it's revelatory function.
Overall, you have a lot of potential with the concept of this piece, and I look forward to seeing your next poem! Let me know if you had any questions about my review.
~alliyah
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Reviews: 1227
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