Leaping to each drizzly rock, The attractive, feminine, black wolf pounced for the lush,green grass. Running rapidly, she skidded her velvety, soft tail sweeping underneath her shiny black body, her stunning yellow pupils minimized slowly. Turning back she sences that another wolf is in danger.
Zooming, fastly, dodging nature's obstacles. The tree's blurred into varies of colours, before ducking. Neko peeping over the boulder an male wolf stay crushed by an branch.
'Help me!' he squealed. 'You got stuck.. Under a branch?' Neko the black wolf chuckled approaching him. 'What's your name?' 'Um.. Shadowlight' Answered the Silver wolf, which had a white star on his forehead, beaded mane, with feathers. Yanking the branch, Neko throws it out the way.
Smirking she wanders off, Shadowlight rushing to his feet, running his giant paws making the soil thunder a-little. Chasing towards Neko he gained speed, catching up with her. Neko saw Shadowlight's streched neck behind her. Speeding up Neko was determind to show who's best... Shadowlight slowing down, as Neko carried on without any notice. Loosing Neko he was breathless.
Hours later of Shadowlight wandering, he only realised Neko close to the river. Hesitating he hid behind the tree, Neko's paw splashing over her reflection as she turned, walked up the hill, and sat. Wandering where her family was, 'I will find you..' She mumbled to the sky.
Neko's yellow stunning pupils widened as she heard an stick break, as she turned back all she could see was a couple of falling leaves. Shadowlight running as fast as he could something chasing him, something big, red and hairy. Tripping over a log he found himself paralized for a few minutes, it was to late to get up.
The massive bear got up on his two feet, approaching Shadowlight....
Neko jumped upon the big rock that Shadowlight was slumbering on, before jumping in-front of him. Growling at the bear her spine raises violently, the bear became intimidated and was not going to back-off. The bear started to get really vicious, after scrapping at each-other the bear had fell. Neko nudging Shadowlight to wake but his eyes stayed closed,
Neko started to get emotional as she turned back giving up on hope, walking off into the forest.Sitting thinking about Shadowlight she slept peacefully.
Early morning- surrounded by pecking birds Neko streched out yawning widely showing her sharp fangs, her sleepy eyes suddenly became wide as she felt an urge to check if shadowlight was still there. Racing off to where Shadowlight would slumber. She looked left and right, as Shadowlight was gone...
To be continued in book 2 here- Book 2
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126,083 Literary Works • 672,935 Reviews
Thank-you for reading this and I will consider your opinions, I havent atually watched or read an anime book. So I found this a little difficault on writing. I will have to start on book 2 soon
It was very mysterious at the end. I liked it a lot. Your short story gave illustrations, they were nice. In the second paragraph, third line it says 'crushed by an branch.' You might want to fix that. Very mysterious, lots of action event though it was short, which is very good. The story was very descriptive, which I liked. Please give us book two. It is very delicate, yet very hard core and strong writing. I loved it. The first paragraph was a little hard to start with. Your grammar was good, it was a good all around story. I was impressed. I didn't get the picture at the bottom. They're in love already? The story just started. Nice Work!!
Thank-you for readint his, The picture I made was meant to mean like- Best friends, but I see haha. xD hope your looking forward for number 2 neither do I know what's going to happen yet. Will be out soon hope you liked it
Wow!
This is the first work I have seen on here that has actually made use of art.
And it's amaze-balls!
So impressed and the pictures are so cute, and also quite deadly.
Now for the story...
You have a lovely writing style, it is very floral. I find the opening paragraph a little bit of a mouthful, as in, the language is very much for the reader to digest: 'The attractive, feminine, black wolf pounced for the lush, green grass' There are a lot of adjectives that mean the writing does not flow as well as it could do.
Technically speaking: 'Under a branch?' Neko the black wolf chuckled approching him. 'What's' All lines of dialogue for characters should be on separate lines. And also: 'approching' is spelt with an 'a' (approaching).
The pacing throughout the story is good, and it isn't too long nor too short. Perfect length.
'She looked left and right, as Shadowlight was gone...' The final line of the piece leaves a very mysterious tone, and I have no idea what is going to happen next for the wolfy characters....
Very good story. Impressed.
Thank-you for taking time to read this
I've tried to edit the character talking lines, but somehow ended up all back together. Hope you enjoyed, and haha I say amaze-balls too ;]