Young Writers Society

Hey there! MJ stopping by for a short review

blackwhispern aroseth to kill the flight

What does 'blackwhispern' mean?

Beseech, to entangled by the light

I think that it should be 'to be entangled' here.

Cherubs are imparting to it's tight

To its tight what?

Dead is to forgotten thy Glory

This should be either 'To be dead is to hae forgotten thy glory' or 'death is to forget thy glory' to be grammatically consistent.

So my main critique here would be to drop the old-fashioned writing style and be a little less vague. This poem, frankly, looked beautiful and eloquent on the outside because you rhymed well and used long words, but I couldn't really decipher the meaning of it, and that made it lose a bit of its beauty.

For example, what were you talking about? I got the impression that it was maybe stars or the moon, but that was never really explicitly stated or even implied in a way that made me certain that that was what you were talking about. You also brought in a bunch of philosophical ideas that overwhelmed me as the reader and further confused me, especially 'dead is to forgotten thy glory'.

You also had spelling and grammatical errors that further distorted the image you were trying to paint, and all of that in combination led to a little bit of a muddled poem. So I think that I would try and make your poems more straightforward and clear rather than try and use confusing imagery to make your poems sound better.

Hopefully this review was helpful and not too rude, and if you have any questions, feel free to let me know and I'll do my best to let you know how you could have improved. Again, I tried to give you a taste of what I felt without being too rude, and this was strictly a review of your poetry and not your personal worth. I try and remind everyone, but especially newer writers, that I try to be harsh to improve your writing and not out of malice or spite.

Best wishes,
MJ