E - Everyone

The Ring's Secret. Chpt. 1-4

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Chapter 1

If I told you what just happened you wouldn’t believe me. Trust me. I had just left the principal’s office of SMJH. The school principal called me down to meet with him. Feeling a little queasy I made my way to his office. On walking in I noticed the urgency in his voice and my friend Mordin seated in one of the seats. Motioning me to quickly sit down he walked over to his desk and grabbed a file. I looked at Mordin, wondering if he knew what was going on. His wide puppy-like eyes looked at me with the same blank expression. The principal, Mr. Wilson cleared his throat.

I bet you two are wondering why I have brought you two here today, well look at this.” He placed the file he was holding in front of us. Mordin and I both reached for it. I beat him to it and opened it. Inside the file were papers with information on us and our school pictures. I spread out the papers on the desk so Mordin could see them too.

Why do you have a file on us?” I asked while shuffling through them.

“That is what I’m about to tell you.” Mr. Wilson took out a CD out of the inside pocket of his suit jacket.

In this CD is a play by play of why you are here.” He summoned a laptop onto the desk. Oh, and if you’re wondering, yes he did “summon” the laptop. SMJH stands for School of Magic Junior High, which is the school for all the kids of magic kind. We get our regular school classes but we also get classes to help us with balancing our magic and learning how to control it. Not only that but, believe it or not I am a witch and the shy, puppy-eyed boy next to me is a wizard. Mr. Wilson switched on the laptop and inserted the CD. The screen turned blue and then a picture appeared.

This here is a picture of our school Oracle. She has recently had a prophecy, which you two are mentioned.” Her face was pale and her eyes hallow looking. Her hair was tangled in a mess of dreads. She was slightly smiling, showing off a few of missing spaces where her teeth used to be.

Her name is being held confidential, for her sake and yours.” Mr. Wilson switched to the next slide.” Here is an image of the crystal ball she was using when she received the prophecy.” I leaned forward. It was clear and blue smoke swirled inside of it and around it.

That?” I pointed to the screen.

Yes, the prophecy stated that you two will be the two to help bring down Victoria. She is said to have come back.”

Us? Who is “Victoria”? Mordin asked. He slapped his hands on the desk. Mr. Wilson cleared his throat.

Do you remember the “The Dark war” we had 20 years ago?”

Well, yeah…” A look of sudden understanding appeared on Mordins face.

Oh. My. Gosh! “The” Victoria! The one who took the Excalibur; the one who tried to take over the government of Magic Kind and take control!” Mordin was breathing hard.

Yes, yes, that one.” Mr. Wilson switched the slide. A photo of a tall, white skinned woman with long black hair was looking over at a crowd of people who wore masks over their faces.

This is Victoria. She came into power about 25 years ago, throwing us into 5 years of darkness. Until that is before we were able to take her down. She seemed to go willingly and then disappeared. No one has seen her since.” Mr. Wilson pointed to the masked people in the photo. “These people here are her followers. There group was called “M.N.B” it stands for Magic’s New Beginning. They believed that they were helping in a new generation of beginning the world again.” He chuckled to himself, “Funny how things turn out.”

Well thanks for that History lesson but, what do we have to do?” I folded my arms impatiently. The bell that signaled that school was over rang through the school.

That’s the bell.” Mordin looked a little impatient too. He started to stand.

Please sit down. Our conversation is not over yet.” Mr. Wilson waved his hand and Mordins chair shoved itself under mordin, making him fall into the seat again.

What you need to do is first find the ring. This ring is the same one we used before to stop her. The ring belonged to a Vampire. It is said to be able to drain the power of any magic kind, which the Vampire probably used so that he could feed on his prey without much difficulty. “We nodded at his explanation.

He is currently in the state of “hibernation.” So it might not be as difficult. I would help you but the ring will only accept the people in the prophecy. You must open his coffin. Then, you need to get it away from him without waking him. After that you’ll need to use it to bring down Victoria. It will help but you’ll also need to use your magic.” He sighed. “Please be careful. Here, let me write down the address.” The pen next to him stood up by itself and began to scribble the address onto a piece of paper. The note floated up and landed on my lap.

Thanks. Wish us luck.” I waved for Mordin to follow me out the door.

I’ll be wishing you both more than luck.”

Chapter 2

Mordin and I walked out of the empty school. We walked in silence, not really going anywhere. Finally, I spoke up.

Are you still trying to process all of this?” He nodded. I nodded back. He looked at me.

Do you want to get a pizza?” He blushed.

Cheese?”

"Sure. I'll race you." He turned around and started walked backwards next to me.

"You're on."

* * * * *

Arriving at the pizza shop, we opened the door and a bell dinged. Mordin went to order the pizza. Finding a place to sit, I chose one by a window at the back of the shop. Mordin came and sat across from me.

"The pizza will be ready in a bit." He tapped his fingers awkwardly on the table.

"Should we take the pizza to my house?" I asked, thinking about talking about the prophecy.

"Yeah, that would be a good idea." He stood up when he heard our number called. I followed after him. Paying for it and taking it to-go, we left towards my house.

The red and orange leaves of the trees swirled in the wind. Wrapping my coat tighter around myself, I sighed at the sight of fall. Finally arriving at my house, we let ourselves in.

After setting everything up to eat we sat down and ate.

"When should we go to the Vampires Mansion?" I picked at my slice. This subject made my appetite wither.

"Tomorrow. We need to get ready soon and finish this off as soon as possible." Mordin put down he's pizza. "I'm going to get anxiety over this." He rubbed his forehead.

"We are only 15 years old. I'm not handling this as easy as I wish I could. I mean, how many 15 year olds do you meet who are about to encounter a vampire?" I chuckled nervously. "I guess you should go. We have a long day tomorrow. Text me when you're ready and any materials we need. Okay?" He nodded. Walking to the door with him, he looked serious at me and said, “We need to be ready. To take any risks necessary at whatever cost," and then he left.

Chapter 3

Waking up with a blanket of anxiety, I forced myself out of bed. Getting nothing but about 3 hours of sleep, I took a cold shower to wake myself up. Later, I got a text from Mordin. Pulling on my coat I ran out to meet him at the bus stop. The plan was to ride the bus up to the town where the Mansion was and then to find the address. Arriving at the bus stop, Mordin walked up beside me and handed me a ticket.

"Thanks." We watched the bus pull up and got on. Finding seats we sat down and whispered our plan to each other.

"I have my wand. You?"

"Yeah." I pulled it out. Twirling it between my fingers, I felt a bit of nervousness lift off my shoulders. "I'm glad I'm not by myself." I smiled at mordin, who smiled back and I looked out the window.

Finally, we arrived at the town that looked a lot like a scene from a black and white horror film. The bus screeched away as we stood in a deserted road.

"Where should we start?" I said as I looked at the stores we were passing as we made our way through. Mordin stopped.

"What?" I turned to look at him. He pointed ahead of us. I turned and I immediately saw what it was. The Vampire's Mansion rose above us on top of a hill. Gothic and Victorian looking, we immediately accepted it as the resting place of the ring we needed.

Arriving at the black, rusting gate of the mansion we pulled it open. It creaked and we cringed. I walked towards the door. Mordin stiffly followed me. I pulled at the doorknob. I pulled again but it stayed jammed in place. Pulling out my wand I used an all-opening spell. Mordin sucked in his breath. The door creaked opened. Dust rose and a flood of light poured into the cobweb filled room. We walked in. Creating a light with the tip of our wands, we tip-toed in. My heart hammered against my chest. Mordin raised his wand above his head.

"A vampire usually places his coffin in an attic. I believe it's because they have their fellow bats up there." He walked slowly over to a staircase. Stepping on the first step it creaked and a swarm of cockroaches crawled out of the sides.

"Oh Crap!" Mordin jumped back. I stifled a laugh. Mordin covered his mouth. We made our way up the steps and onto the second floor. Creepy looking paintings looked at us and mirrors glared. We reached the end of the hall. Mordin waved his wand making a revealing spell spread through the ceiling. A square section in the ceiling glowed and faded.

"Mordin, let me stand on your back. I'm going to reach up and pull it open." Mordin getting down on his hands and knees let me stand on his back. Reaching up I pulled at the crinkled wallpaper. Revealing a handle, I pulled. The attic door swung down and a ladder rolled out. Stepping off of Mordin onto the ladder, I made my way up. Feeling the pull of Mordins weight behind me, I knew he was following. Pulling myself onto the floor of the attic, we both sat there breathing heavily. Mordin helped me up and we made our way deeper into the suffocating darkness. We made our way slowly higher into the attic. Then, if by magic a set of blood red curtains were in front of us. Mordin reached towards the curtain.

"Wait."I whispered sharply. I peeked through the curtain. Seeing no one, I motioned Mordin to continue. He pulled it open. Lying onto top of a dark, chestnut table, a black coffin was its decorative table top. Mordin went in first. I walked to the other side. Mordin looked at me and nodded. He grabbed the sides and pulled. A dark swirl of smoke poured out of the sides. We both stared. A handsome man lay, motionless on a silk bed and right there on hand which were crossed over his chest, was the ring. It gleamed red. The vampire had dark hair and dark rings under his closed eyes. I reached for the ring. Lightly pulling on it, it slid lightly off. I held it between my fingers. Mordin gasped. Looking at him, the vampire rose. Its eyes opened and he grinned.

Chapter 4

Screaming, I fell back. Grabbing onto nothing I slammed against the floor.

"Well, well, well. Looks like I have a pest infestation in my mansion." He smiled like the Cheshire cat. Sharp pointy teeth gleamed. I looked at Mordin. He was frozen in place. His knuckles white as he gripped his wand. I squeezed my fist, making sure the ring was still there. I slowly rose.

"We only came here for this ring." I opened my fist. Its jewel glinted. He looked at it.

"You must think that I would just let you leave, don't you?" He jumped out of the coffin. "I believe I can't let that happen. Not when it comes to this." He laughed. His laugh started to morph. It got less throaty and became high pitched and wicked sounding. He looked at us.

"Oops. I guess my cover is blown." Mordin ran in front of me.

"Hazel, watch out! That's Victoria." He glared at the vampire, who is currently Victoria now. I looked at him, realizing it I gasped.

"Yes. That's right. I guess you saw through it. Didn't you?" The vampire asked in a women’s voice.

"I don't believe it would be so hard to guess, when the vampires body you are possessing was killed when they first got the ring to bring you down." Mordin responded. A strange flow of courage blooming inside him. I moved beside him.

Victoria looked at me. Her vampire smile faltered.

"Do you know who I am?" She slowly moved in my direction.

"Don't get any closer!" I held my wand in front of me. She reached up and gripped onto the lower eyelid of the vampires face. I watched, mortified. She ripped it off, like a Halloween mask. She then dropped the face onto the floor.

"You don't know how uncomfortable it gets when possessing bodies." I looked at her. The exact same face from the picture Mr. Wilson showed us looked back at me. She looked a little aged but still flawless. Her hair swept down and danced at her feet as she stepped a little closer. I raised my wand higher and so did Mordin.

"Don't think you would want to do that." She said in a sing song voice. She raised her hand and Mordin rose up into the air. He gripped his throat. Gasping for air, I realized she was choking him, in mid-air!

"Stop! Don't hurt him!" She looked at me. She flung him across the attic and he landed hard against the wall.

"Mordin!" I yelled. Still keeping Victoria in my vision I looked at him. He lifted up a hand.

"Poor thing. Can't even defend himself." Victoria grinned. I gritted my teeth together.

"Why don't you come with mommy?" Victoria spread her arms out in a sign of embrace. Wondering what she was talking about I asked.

"What? You’re not my mother. I've never had a mother and besides she'd never be and evil sorceress, like you." I spat. She merely cackled.

"I had you 15 years ago. Since my fall of power 20 years ago, I disappeared on the account that I had been cursed to give birth in 5 years. My dear Hazel, how I hated having you grow inside of me. Having you suck my most powerful magic and place it in your own weak body. The agony you caused me. Now, it is time for you to put my magic to the test. Please? For your mother?"

TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
lostthought
Review

Ok I am going to review chapter by chapter for it is too long to review all the sections at once.

Chapter 1 review:

~??? Here is an image of the crystal ball she was using when she received the prophecy.???~
-This here is wrong. Knowingly or not, you have a space in the beginning between the quotation mark and ~here~. So the sentence should be
*"Here is an image of the crystal ball she was using when she received the prophecy.*

~???Do you remember the ???The Dark war??? we had 20 years ago????~
-This is also in two places. First off, when you say ~"The Dark war"~ is should be *The Dark War* for the purpose of capitalization of a title.
-The second mistake is a hateful nitpick but I should point it out to you anyways. When you said ~20 years ago~ it should be *twenty years ago*. I haven't learned this rule yet in LA but on YWS I know that is a rule and as such it must be followed.

~Mr. Wilson waved his hand and Mordins chair shoved itself under mordin, making him fall into the seat again.~
-Ok here I also saw two mistakes. First is the 's mistake. You said ~Mordins chair~ when it should be *Mordin's chair*. In this you are showing Mordin's possession over the chair.
-The second mistake (aka nitpick) is a proper noun that wasn't capitalized. You put ~under mordin~ when, since Mordin is a name, it should be *under Mordin*.

~It is said to be able to drain the power of any magic kind, which the Vampire probably used so that he could feed on his prey without much difficulty. ???~
-Again you have the quotation mark spaced out from where it needs to be. I guess that's why one of the steps in writing is revise.

Chapter 2 review:

~"When should we go to the Vampires Mansion?"~
-The only thing I saw in this chapter was this sentence. Again with the 's rule. You put ~Vampires Mansion~ when really it should be *Vampire's Mansion*.

Chapter 3 review:

~Finding seats we sat down and whispered our plan to each other.~
-Well in this sentence I think you should have a comma. You put ~Finding seats we sat~ and I am pretty sure it should be *Finding seats, we sat*.

~I smiled at mordin, who smiled back and I looked out the window.~
-The mistake I saw here was one of capitalization. Again you didn't capitalize Mordin. You put ~at mordin~ when it should be *at Mordin*.

~"Oh Crap!"~
-I know you are yelling but crap would not be capitalized. So it is ~Oh Crap~ when it should be *Oh crap*

~Feeling the pull of Mordins weight behind me, I knew he was following.~
-The 's rule is the mistake here. You put ~Mordins weight~ when it should be *Mordin's weight*

~Then, if by magic a set of blood red curtains were in front of us.~
-Here a comma is missing. You put ~Then, if by magic a set~ when it should be *Then, if by magic, a set*.

~Lying onto top of a dark, chestnut table, a black coffin was its decorative table top.~
-Ok I didn't see anything wrong there except for the fact is sorta doesn't make sense.

~A handsome man lay, motionless on a silk bed and right there on hand which were crossed over his chest, was the ring.~
-I won't try to explain this one. You put ~A handsome man lay, motionless on a silk bed and right there on hand which were crossed over his chest, was the ring.~ when it should be *A handsome man laid motionless on a silk bed and right there on his, which were crossed over his chest, was the ring.*

Chapter 4 review:

~"I don't believe it would be so hard to guess, when the vampires body you are possessing was killed when they first got the ring to bring you down."~
-I don't need to explain what's wrong here. Let's just say you put ~vampires body~ when it should be *vampire's body*

~I've never had a mother and besides she'd never be and evil sorceress, like you.~
-This is a grammar mistake. You put ~and evil~ when it should be *an evil*.

Chapter 1-4 review over:

Whew that was hard. Glad that is over. Good job on writing this, despite all the nitpicks. I do have one question. If this is centered around the time of Excalibur then why in the world is there modern society things there? Keep writing

~lost

I don't know why there are question marks in chapter one review. huh.

I don't know why there are question marks in chapter one review. huh.

I don't know why there are question marks in chapter one review. huh.

I don't know why there are question marks in chapter one review. huh.

I don't know why there are question marks in chapter one review. huh.

I don't know why there are question marks in chapter one review. huh.

Thanks! You were really helpful. I'm glad I got someone to review some of my mistakes. The reason for the whole Excalibur thing is because it was kept and Victoria stole it. It was never really destroyed. It'll come up soon.

User avatar
OwaisKhand
Review

I like the story its a kind of combination of Harry Potter and with a bit of Dracula mixed together to make a really good story lots of descriptive language of the settings and of how the normal everyday life coexisted with the Magical World and I loved the twist cliff-hanger

Thanks! I wasn't sure since this is my first post with this story, but I hope people are enjoying it!



I haven't failed, I've found 10,000 ways that don't work.
— Thomas Edison