“A DAY IN THE LIFE OF JACK”
Boring it is, the life of a high-class
Looking at the sun he would wish it to go down
All he can do is counting all he has
Poor Jack he just wants a little bit of fun
He had neither a hobby nor a work to do
But his intellect was compared to none
Bored he would look up and see the sky´s still blue
Poor Jack he just wants a little bit fun
Only in the dark he could truly be happy
He did things that´d make anyone run
But he didn’t cared about a man on a nappy
Jack can finally go have some fun
In front of him a woman was waiting
With her beauty she would always stun
She´ll be all yours as long as you´re paying
Jack would pay anything to go have some fun
Jack was so handsome the woman wouldn’t charge
He led her to a place many wouldn´t without a gun
They finally arrived to a building fairly large
Now Jack can finally have his fun
He pulled out his knife and put it through her throat
She bled and and bled until everything faded to black
He left a clue a note and then zipped his coat
Poor woman she entertained the ripper, Jack
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey there, Night here for a short review!
should have a comma after "woman" and a period at the end.First off, Jack the Ripper. Nice! I mean, not nice, but interesting topic for a poem. It took me by surprise, too. I think you meant it this way, but I thought Jack was going for a bit of *ahem* adult fun. The knife part surprised me completely, but that was the good part.
However, despite a good topic and surprising ending, I spotted a few grammatical errors, one of which being is I think that "Ripper" needs to be capitalized in the final line. I'm not sure about that, but just a suggestion. If you believe otherwise, please leave it as is. I felt that the flow of the poem was a bit choppy, and that you spent a bit too much time leading up to it. There was a lot of repetition and "fun" was mentioned a few times too many, in my opinion.
Overall, interesting idea for a poem. Not sure how many people will get the reference, but I liked it nonetheless! The mention of the note was clever too, considering many think it a hoax. O.O
Great job.
Keep writing and being amazing!
~NC
Nice poem! Very well written and loved the ending
Thanks!
Thanks!
Wow the ending certainly startled me. But the poem itself was very well written! There are a few technical errors. You're missing quite a lot of commas so I would revise the piece and look where commas could be placed. For example:
"Poor Jack, he just wants little bit if fun." A comma should go after "Jack" each time.
Also: "All he can do is counting all he has." I think you should switch counting to count so it makes more sense: "All he can do is count all that he has."
Overall and interesting poem. Perhaps be more concise about who Jack is. He's bored but rich right? And he's smart? So why does he kill a woman? Just curious,
It may be obvious but I can't see it.
Keep writing!