I wrote this peom for my english porfolio a while back, i hope you like it.
You stood there, bols as brass
a look of contempt on your face
you thought you were superior
too good for us
But you went too far
you crossed the line
you lost control, lost your heart
lost what kept you sane, if you ever were
and now its eating away at you
gnawing at your soul
gobbling up your emotions
sucking down every last drop of your sanity
A drop of blood was all it took
to make you fall, come crashing down
you thought your world was safe, protected
but you lost yout wings, and there was no-one was to catch you
you flew too low, got too close
too caught up in what you believed in
lost in your perfect world
fantasising about what may never be
It's always you
your eyes, your tears
your thoughts, your emotions
your heart, your blood
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I really loved the depths that you went to and like Apple said it was a very well written piece .
A Drop of Blood Review
You stood there, bols as brass
Good job on your work.
Spoiler
a look of contempt on your face
you thought you were superior
too good for us
But you went too far
you crossed the line
you lost control, lost your heart
lost what kept you sane, if you ever were
and now its eating away at you
gnawing at your soul
gobbling up your emotions
sucking down every last drop of your sanity
A drop of blood was all it took
to make you fall, come crashing down
you thought your world was safe, protected
but you lost you#FF0000 ">r wings,
and there was no-one was to catch you
you flew too low, got too close
too caught up in what you believed in
lost in your perfect world
fantasising about what may never be
It's always you
your eyes, your tears
your thoughts, your emotions
your heart, your blood
Grammar: Only found one misplace of a letter, you said yout instead of your. I think you could've placed a few more full stops but other than that, the grammar wasn't a problem.
Overall: I think it's very moving and also very deep and some what moody. What did you get for it? I think you did a great job on it, it's one of the best poem's I have reviewed on this sight.
PS. Next time, Add more full stops!