If you walk the earth
And look up at the sky
Will your heart sink
Will you begin to cry
Tuck in your knees
Listen to the sound of the bees
Buzzing inside your ears
Listen to and hear
The sound of your tears
Growing flowers in the soil
As your plans start to foil
The sun will come up
And dry the water stains
The marks will be there
With no argument to spare
And the small little sprouts will turn into trees
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141,293 Literary Works • 674,334 Reviews
Awesome poem. I liked the rhythm scheme and the overall message of the poem. One thing I would suggest though is that even though it's a poem and not a story of any sort, is that you separate this into paragraphs. Now I could be wrong, but I think that it would improve the overall structure and appearance of your write. Nonetheless, nice work. It's very well written. -IceWinifredd
I really like this poem. I think that the rhyming pattern is really effective and I liked the imagery used. I especially liked lines eight and nine, as well as the last line, which I think sounds almost like a song. Maybe try to make the poem a bit clearer and easier to understand, as I got a bit confused near the end but this might just be me. However, overall a really great poem.
Thank you for the input! I'll try to edit it a little bit.
I liked that you used imagery, but I think you might have overused it a bit and it started to get confusing. I would suggest you go back and pick the best metaphors choosing only a few.
Another little advice I would suggest, I would try to keep a single clear Idea in your poem I can read three different theories in this poem it makes your poem fun but leaves me with too much room for me to interpret your poem personally. That could be a good thing but for your poem to be more popular it is better to stick to one possible overall idea for your poem.
I see what you're saying. I'll see what I can do. Thanks!