Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
Complete dialogue prompt (Source: Pinterest.com)
"I trusted you."
"Well, then you can't exactly blame me, can you? It was your fault."
************************************************************************
He stared at me, visibly shaken down to the core. "You're kidding, right? This is some sick kind of joke. Change me back. You'd better do it right now." On that last statement, his voice cracks, betraying his inner emotional rollercoaster. When I don't move, he lunges to his feet and grabs my arms, shaking me. "Its not funny!"
I stifle my laughter with a bit of effort and twitch back, seeping through his fingers like smoke. "This is what you asked for. All I did was deliver."
"I never said I wanted to be a guy!" He wailed, hugging himself tightly. "You tricked me! You lied!"
Affronted, I roll my eyes. "You wished to receive the same paycheck as a man. Now you will." I give him a once-over, noting the dark blue eyes, paired with long eyelashes, a full mouth, and wavy blond hair. "Besides, you make a good-looking guy."
"I trusted you!"
"Well then you can't exactly blame me, can you? It was your mistake." I stretch my arms behind my head. "Whatever you wish for will come true, but always at a price. Unfortunately, genie rules are a bitch. And....." I hold up a finger. "That was your last wish."
"No!" He screams. "I can't stay like this!"
"Too bad." I begin fading away as I return to my lamp. "Three wishes is the limit. Enjoy being a man, Andrea. Actually.....you should probably change that to Andre or something. Nice working for ya."
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125,014 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
Wow. I didn't expect that when I read the title. Not that that's a bad thing, I just thought it would be about a back-stabber.
The genie says, "'Whatever you wish for will come true, but always at a price'". What were Andrea's first two wishes? What price did they have?
Why did she trust a genie anyway? Was he a smooth-talker or something? You didn't mention it, but I think she must've been fool-hardy to trust a magical being. Magical beings often twist words around for their own amusement.
Why did she wish to get the same paycheck as a man? Was she treated different at work for being a girl? I would assume she would've just asked for more money in her paycheck.
One more thing- Why was she desperate enough to use magical means to solve her problems. Was she in trouble or something?
I get that this was supposed to be a short story, just about the confrontation, but I am curious as to the events that led up to this point.
I like this idea though, if it means anything. I thought it was hilarious, just because, as it was told from the genie's point of view, it felt very vindictive.
Dear NatalieRomero,
I like your concept! I have read, heard and written quite a number of wish granting stories but this one is presented in a unique way! If this was a play then the delivery of dialogues would bring a new life into your story. The dialogues are so colourful, I would say. The last paragraph is a personal favourite. Whatever you have written in excellent but what was missing is how did Andrea waste the first two wishes. You could have given a bit more detail.
Awesome work! Keep writing and entertaining us!
All the best!
Hello there. I see you are someone new to this site. So, welcome to YWS and I hope you have fun. I feel pretty gladful to be one of the people who first saw and reviewed your work. I see this is your first work also. For a short story I think it is very good. Even if this story made me feel like it could be continued and made up like a novel or at least, longer story.
But this is still only my own honest opinion about this work of yours. I will try to be as helpful as I can possibly be. I liked your work and the mystery at the very beginning. I was kind of confused at the very beginning but in the end, I understood what is going on here.
I think this story is perfect to show 'Be caferul what you wish for.' is right and that we need to really think before want something. So, now that I had said the positives, let's go to the negatives.
The tense is totally wrong here and is out of track, at least for me here. We talk about one specific moment in which you do not move and he shakes you, so it needs to be in tense, right for the moment.
When/While I was not moving, he lunges...
I would prefer to use while.
You had made me understand what you mean but you had forgotten 'to' after 'was'.
It's okay but it needs to be put so it is grammatically right.
This was my favourite line but you still need comma after 'Well'.
This is all for this review. Good job and keep on writing.
From the start, your writing captured me and seem to imprison me. Right after "I trusted you!", I became not as hooked though. Before "I trusted you!", everything you were writing was so lively and descriptive, but then it seems you just started putting words. Like you you were told to add more but you didn't actually want to.