Do not go down that dangerous road way
No one shall ever go down to that place,
When done the consequence will be to pay
Trust in yourself that you can’t go the pace.
Do not think you can come back from there
It’s not a place where people return from,
When you think you’re back you don’t think of where
Of where or when you came back from or come,
That place is the source the source of your misery
When people don’t know where they want to go,
Where there is one enormous mystery
Is a place for people with no ego.
Never go down to that terrible road
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Is the road a methopher ? It feels like one. It’s not original but it’s still a good one and it really highlight what your poem is saying. The poem to me I slightly confusing, the repetition in the poem in the poem is not very clear when your using it for example
“When you think you’re back you don’t think of where
Of where or when you came back from or come”
You make the road sound dangerous for everyone but at the end you then at the end you say the road is not for does with an ego. You then talk about a code that I do not understand at all. In a way the confusion is a good thing, it makes you think about the poem for a longer time, you ask yourself what does this poem say to me now. Was the confusion done purposely?
In the sixth line of the poem the rhyme scheme goes awry and then changes again. If your going to rhyme your work play around with different words, maybe use a thesaurus. I feel that the poem is as confusing as it is because you were trying to make it rhyme. The rhyme though suits the poem it gives the poem a more ominous feeling, a stronger feeling of danger to me anyway.
Other than the things I mentioned I think this poem is really good
-wunmi.
Hello NatD! Unknown391625 here with another review!
I would agree that this is a great poem. Some people who reviewed it listed the errors you made, so I won't say. I love the fact that you used dangerous rode as a metaphor. I really love it! I will look out for your future poems and stories. Don't give up and keep on writing, NatD!
-Unknown391625
Hello NatD,
I have found one mistake, it's in your summary... I do believe that you said "hat" instead of "what". I honestly don't have any idea what the intention of this poem is, but there should always be some mysteries. One line confuses me a little, the one about no one ever going down there, that conflicts with the ones about not returning. My point is, how do you know that no one comes back unless someone has gone there? Just a minor pointer, your choice.
~Kelpies.
BOMB DISPOSAL
Okay, this was great. Just a few things listed. This line didn't sound quite right. Maybe you can change it.
It’s not a place where people return from,
And also, this line should have a comma, like this:
That place is the source, the source of your misery
Unless you want to solve the dire code.
Whoa, nobody ever said anything about a code! And why a code? It did rhyme, but why? It doesn't sound right either...
Overall, this was good, and you hit your target. I will like this and read more of your novels/poems!