Paint it yellow- Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I ended up eating most of the brownies and was spewing all night because of it. Spewing up big, brown globs of grossness. My Granma came in once to see how I was but I just rolled over in my bed and groaned. I don’t go to school the next day and decide to just lie in bed, moaning and spewing and feeling like crap. I realise now that eating five brownies probably wasn’t the best idea and next time I will try and control myself. In the afternoon I wander into the living room to find Granma on the couch drinking what appeared to be tea.

She looks up when I enter the room, smiles at me and beckons me over to the couch. Sitting down next her I can smell her lavender perfume and herbal tea. I snuggle into her as she puts her arms around me. She doesn’t say a word about me spewing just sits with me and watches T.V. We watch Judge Judy, Oprah and The Brady Bunch. Good daytime television, the type that you don’t have to think about, the type that you can just watch without a worry.

“You hungry?” Granma asks.

I shrug, not really sure. “As long as it’s not brownies.”

She laughs as she goes into the kitchen. I hear her bustling about, getting pots out and ingredients. “Oh I forgot to tell you love, your mum is going to be late tonight.”

“Surprise, surprise.” I mumble rolling over on the couch and closing my eyes.

Granma walks back into the lounge room, a sympathetic look on her face. “Love, I’m sorry I know you haven’t seen her for ages but she is really trying to work hard. You should be happy.” She says stroking my hair.

She’s right I should be happy, happy that my mum is finally not drinking every waking hour and is actually working. But I can’t, I have seen her on the couch drunk to many times that I’ve lost all respect for her. I don’t give a crap that she is working I know that when she comes home she will drink.

“Wattle love, are you all right?” Granma asks after a few minutes silence.

I roll my eyes at her, “Fine, fine, don’t you worry about me one single bit.”

She sighs, disappointed that I’m not willing to talk to her. Well to bad for her.

“Look Wattle I know that you are upset but you can at least be happy for your mum. She has gone back to work for you, so at least show some respect.” Granma says calmly.

“Respect you want me to show respect to the women who is bloody drunk half the time and never ever sees me!” I shout at her.

Granma nods, “yes I would like you to do just that.” She turns and walks away.

I love my Granma, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes she makes me mad. I’m grateful that she’s living with us and all but it makes me angry how she always stands up for my mum.

I turn to the T.V where the news is on; something about a car crash killing three teenagers is making headlines.

I stare vacantly at the T.V not really paying attention to what’s on. It starts to get dark outside and I wander outside to look at the moon. It is cold but I don’t want to put a jumper on, so I just stay there gazing at the bright moon. It casts light on the garden and I see the bird house with no birds in it, the lilac tree getting ready to blossom when spring hits, the apple and lemon trees with fruit that isn’t quite ready to ne picked and the empty pond that got emptied a few weeks ago because it got to be too much work to keep clean.

I hear a car pull up and footsteps on the front porch. I don’t go inside, not being in the mood to see my mum.

“Wattle!” I hear someone screech.

Oh damn, I think to myself, I’ll let her wait. I sit a little while longer.

“Wattle!” another screech comes from inside, “get in here and give your mum a kiss.”

I sigh, get up and go inside.

I find my mum on the couch with a glass of wine in her hand and mascara smudged on her face.

“Oh there you are dear,” she says not looking up from the T.V.  “Have a nice day?”

I shrug, if she doesn’t know about me spewing all day then why should I bother telling her?

She turns around to look at me, her eyes piercing right into my head. I shift on my feet uncomfortable with her stare.

“I hear that you have been getting a few detentions lately. Is that right?”

I shrug again. My mum looks a bit disgruntled, like she is unsure why her child doesn’t want to talk to her.

“Look Wattle love, I know how hard things must be for you at school but I want you to lift your game.” My mum says calmly. I can see her light blonde hair scattered with streaks of grey and the way her makeup is starting to run.

“Ok mum, because you have always been so concerned with my school work.” I say just as calmly.

Mum frowns in confusion, “What’s that suppose to mean?”

I shrug my shoulders, “Well it’s just I don’t see why you care so much now about what I’m getting up to when you never did before.”

“Of course I cared what you were doing and I think that you should start behaving in school!” Mum says sternly.

I start to feel anger boiling up from deep below and before I can control it, it explodes. “oh because you have every right to tell me how to behave! I’m not the one getting drunk every night, not paying attention to her daughter, making her daughter have to basically look after herself, I don’t go wasting away my life on drink because I can’t be fucked living! At least I’ve tried to get on with my life and maybe I haven’t done it as well as others but I have certainly done it a hell of a lot better then you!” I shout out, “So don’t you go telling me how to behave!” I stop and look straight at my mother. I realise that I despise her, that I can’t stand the way she thinks that working again is her way of making it all better. I watched her get drunk every night, I cleaned away her spew and put her to bed, I cooked her dinner and her clothes and now she is expecting more of me!

I can’t stand to see her one more minute so I storm out of the lounge, past Granma who looks really upset and out the front door.

I run and run and run. One foot after another and thump, thump goes my heart in my ears. I see my dad, his dark hair all messy and grey, his black eyes shining with laughter and his goofy smile painted on his face.

I didn’t know where I was heading and I didn’t care, I just wanted to get away from it all.

So I run into the unknown.