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Wishes and Hopes

by Namjoon2003


 I wish that I lived in a world where no one was ever judged.

I wish that people that you truly love wouldn't up and leave you. 

I hope that there will soon be peace in the world.

I wish for a lot of things. I hope for a lot things. But I never do receive.

I wish my mom was still here.

I hope to make my dad proud. 

I wish I could change my life style, so I could become a better person. 

All the things I wish and hope for...Will never happen. I can never make my dad proud, I can never better my self as a person. Because even as much as I try to make my dad proud, even as much as I miss my mom, even if I wish there is no judgement, even if i hope for peace... I know that none of this could ever happen.


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119 Reviews


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Reviews: 119

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Thu Apr 26, 2018 3:21 am
Clairia wrote a review...



hi there! londone here to review your work.

Ah, "Wishes and Hopes". We all have them. They can vary from things we know will never happen and to the things we have a close chance of actually achieving. These things are truly just peaks and valleys to the human brain and our intake on life. They're a big part of what keeps us, shall we say, "sane". Sometimes forcing yourself to be present in a discouraging situation can be too stressful, so we resort to our dreams that everything will be alright in the future. I think that's a big part of what you were hoping to address here. At least, that was my view of things.

Anyway, sorry about that little blurb there. Let's begin.
One way I like to review is by analyzing the poem from top to bottom, so let's do that, shall we?

I wish I lived in a world where no one was ever judged.

We've kicked off the poem with a very broad topic. It may be a wish (I think we've all wished that sometimes) but it does send me in a lot of different directions.

I wish for a lot of things. I hope for a lot things. But I never do receive.

Two technical issues there--first of all, never start a sentence with "but".
(The other is just a quick fix--"I hope for a lot things" should have "of" between "lot" and "things")
You never receive? I'd like a bit more elaboration on that.
I wish I could change my life style, so I could become a better person.

You see, to change is a choice you must make yourself. Without having the motivation to change or internally deciding it, there is nothing you can do about it. Yet, you can change. So make that wish come true. Make the internal decision to change what you don't like about your habits.

All in all, good effort. I can tell you put your heart into this and it came from a deep place inside you.

thanks for sharing,

londone




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Thu Apr 26, 2018 2:49 am
Radrook wrote a review...



Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.

That having been said:

Those are all natural and very noble wishes that we share with most humans. As I read I noticed that you have two categories of wishes. One refers to the condition of the world in genera. The other refers to the condition of your personal life and your relationship with others, specifically your dad. First, as a Christian I will address your references to the condition of the world and our prayers for it to change.

It is certainly true that our asking and not seeing an immediate change can prove discouraging. But to reach the conclusion that such things will never happen is to say that all the prophecies found in the Bible that promise these changes were lies and that if we once believed them to have been true, then we were duped.

That Jesus himself was also duped and was a liar who founded a religion based on lies.

I personally, despite all my unanswered prayers, cannot get myself to reach that conclusion. I prefer to think that God has a time for everything and that in the appropriate time all his promises concerning peace on Earth, the resurrection of the dead will be fulfilled. I might not be here to see it-but I prefer to think that these biblical promises will be kept.

2 Peter 3:13
But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, where righteousness dwells.


Isaiah 65:17
"For behold, I create new heavens and a new earth; And the former things will not be remembered or come to mind.

Isaiah 65:25
"The wolf and the lamb will graze together, and the lion will eat straw like the ox; and dust will be the serpent's food. They will do no evil or harm in all My holy mountain," says the LORD.


About pleasing others, well, that might indeed be impossible in some cases because there are individuals who are hell bent on preventing others from pleasing them. I neve pleased my father
because of that reason. He refused to grant me that satisfaction. So the flaw isn’t necessarily the one striving to please. So in such cases pleasing our heavenly father will and must compensate.

Bettering our lives is impossible you say? Only if we give up. Then we are fulfilling our own prophecy. But if one doesn’t give up there are always areas of our personality that we can improve. the areas that we can’t improve are forgiven based on the Ransom Sacrifice of Jesus.

Suggestion

Poetry distinguishes itself from prose by the concentrated use of similes, metaphors, rhyme, rhythm, repetition, personification, irony, hyperbole, verbal and situational irony, assonance, alliteration, stanzas, imagery meter, onomatopoeia etc.
https://quizlet.com/4073015/list-of-poe ... ash-cards/


The less of these the composition has the more it resembles prose.





You must never give into despair. Allow yourself to slip down that road, and you surrender to your lowest instincts. In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength.
— Uncle Iroh