This Will Only End in Tears

Have to say I liked this one...you can hear the "but" coming, cant you?...BUT it just doesnt sit right with me. Lets see if I can tell you why.

I washed up with the early morning tides,
Braided hair like coarse leather.
Dressed in seaweed and perfume of sweet mist.

I think you could use a space here. That way it doesnt seem like this line is supposed to run on - I keep missing that punctuation LOL. I think "morning" should be deleted from your first line; also, change the full stop in the second line to a comma or get rid of it altogether. It makes the poem choppy right from the start and trips the reader up.

There was no lifeguard on duty
For he was allergic to the
Hibiscus that grew along
The quick sand tourist trail.
No one dared to save me,
They've had enough practice giving
Mouth to mouth to a mannequin.

I think "They've" should be past tense ("They'd"). "Quick sand" is one word. This is OK but I think the first sentence is too long, it spoils the rhythm. A stanza break would be good here too.

Salt caked my eyelids and I struggled
To see any sign of life,
Any musical notes written for the blind.

HATE that last line. Sorry. It just...stops. Dead. The rest is OK, but the last line...get rid of it, PLEASE. It ruins the poem.

**coughs** Aside from my obsessive fixation on the last line, though, its pretty good. It needs a bit of crafting to give the reader the sense of what you mean by what you're saying (i.e. the idea you want to get across) other than, you know, abandonment etc. Perhaps it's too obvious? I look for deeper meaning but I find none. Not that that's bad, necessarily. Just...yeah.

Anyways, it was quite a good poem. Kudos. Look forward to reading more of your work

The poem made the reader imagine they were in the poem

Salt caked my eyelids and i struggled

I must say, you are a great writer. You make the reader think...

This is a wonderful poem. Keep writing.

Very good imagery.

Braided hair like coarse leather.

Loved it. But as I have been told several times, it was really good but it led up to almost nothing. When you have that many images just floating around, at the end of the poem you have to find a way to bring them together. It could even be a simple world like "desperation." However,

Salt caked my eyelids and I struggled
To see any sign of life,
Any musical notes written for the blind.

Did you know justice and was merely a cliff hanger. Read this poem over and over until you can find a concrete way to end while pulling everything together.