Published October 16, 2005
I carved straight into him.
His insides falling out
Onto the ground.
The smell was like
Opening a trashcan.
A funky, rotten smell.
His goo made my hands
Like a slip 'n' slide
And I stuggled to finish the job.
I wiped my forehead
And frowned at what
I had done.
I don't like carving
Jack-o-lanterns anymore,
It's too much
Like a lobotomy.
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141,399 Literary Works • 674,387 Reviews
Very creepy, vivid imagery, with a nice twist at the end. Good job!
I liked it. Certainly a change. I wasn't so sure about the ending though, but i don't know how it could be altered either. Pretty cool concept though, nice work.
lets hug. *hugs*
I don't really know what kind of reaction you were going for here, but I thought it was pretty funny. The first thing it reminded me of was something Calvin might say from Calvin and Hobbes. Noice work.
I think that was the point...
Good subject matter, at least for a themed season one (which are always slightly...bleurgh) but a good slant nonetheless.
You might want to consider altering the word breaks in a few places, since it made it very awkward to read. For example, "The smell was like/Opening a trashcan." What's the point in breaking that bit up? The same applies to "And frowned at what/I had done." Makes for very confusing reading. Seemed you only did it to either (a) keep a similar line length through the poem or (b) to give the poem the appearance of looking loknger than it actually is.
You make pumpkin carving seem more like cold blooded murder. Personally, carving pumpkins has always been one of my favorite parts of Halloween. But this isn't about me this is about you, and, although I do not agree with your poem I felt that it was filled with wonderful imagery.