Strike a blow from behind
But in my heart, I did not bow.
Strike my cheek in spite
But in my mind, I did not blush.
Strike a match to my books
But I will still have my education.
Compare our ages and we are one;
Compare our maturity
And I have won.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I feel that you could expand on this, because the idea is rather complimentary. I also believe that you should change the title, as it happens to seem...irrelavant to the poem. Perhaps not in your view, but if the readers are calling a different opinion than perhaps... you get the point.
I understood the message on a second reading. I like the theme of this piece, but to me it appears to be making too much of an attempt at a "classical" feel. I feel more could be done with it.
Brian
It's a sweet piece to be sure, perhaps about the trials between friends. But really, you can do so much better!
Firstly, the title makes absolutely no sense what-so-ever. I was expecting something long, maybe even on the erotic side, but I got a short, internalizeed reflection instead. So, re-think it. The poem itself is fine, and I disagree with Lama, the last line(s) was my favorite part of the whole thing. It's a very strong ending. Maybe work from there and try to add some length and true depth.
I didn't get the second stanza. Its all good up until those last three lines. Before that, everything is great, and making sense, but that last bit throws me off.