Published September 1, 2011
Ok 
so i posted this because i'm not sure about it. I have two ways of writing songs: 1. I write the lyrics and then can never find a good melody. 2. I make up the melody and just kind of write whatever comes out of my mouth. With the first option i always end up with good lyrics. With the second i always end up with a good melody but horrible lyrics. This was written by the second option, so I'm just wondering are these lyrics even acceptable??? And yes my chorus is dodgy.
I went through pain,
for you
I can't explain what I did
my actions inexplicable
You turned me into someone crazy and irrational
Now my name,
to you
Is just a constant reminder
Of the hell you left behind ya
But I hope you know
(CHORUS):
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm still on my way
To recovery
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not oka-ay
I'm still, stuck here in the dark
My mind wanders aimlessly through this playground-less park
As you sit, king of the castle
who holds all the power
can bring my down
In my finest hour
You made me wait,
for you
To say something in reply
But that's not what you had in mind
The silence screamed so loud it left me deaf and blind, unkind, what else?
I tried to hate,
you
But that just left me feeling guilty
Sad I'll never have you with me
But I hope you know
I'm following silently behind
Just to check that you're alright
CHORUS REPEATED
Wake me up from this
I can't sleep in empty bliss
Laugh and cry through my emptiness
Laugh manically at my own craziness
Don't you try to pretend you cared (Well done, well done, well done)
Underneath my skin is what's really there (Well done, well done, well done)
Never in your wildest dreams
Never meet anyone else like me
(Well done, you made a scar on my immaculate heart)
CHORUS REPEATED..
I don't blame
you
But you didn't lend a hand
Just like i'd always planned
So as I drown
I'll call this the recovery
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,417 Literary Works • 672,117 Reviews
This was really great...it reminds me of something I might write..lol. Although, when I read the part where you wrote "You turned me into crazy and irrational". In that sentence it feels like there is a word missing. If it was written like this "You turned me into someone crazy and irrational" would make it feel complete. But it's still good as it is written.
Hi there!
So, I really like this part. I think it's great!
Overall these are good lyrics. You really made them flow together quite well and there's a definite rhythm to it. You put a lot of emotion into this. Good job!
Keep writing!
P.S. For your title may I suggest 'Recovery'? I don't know, yoou said it in your chorus and I thought it would be a good title. I'm bad at giving things titles so my suggestion might not be the best.