Published February 1, 2010
Hey i like this song but i can't help feeling thats its cliche and possibly corny. Give me your thoughts.
All these things
Who i'm gonna be
What i'm gonna do
Where i'm gonna live
What will be the view
Of my life i can't keep circling round and round and round
What will bring
A life I will embrace
Life i want to live
Life that's good for me
With some take and give
I can't keep thinking 'bout this round and round and round.
O-Oh i see the people in love around me
While i'm worrying about my future
It seems wrong and irrelevant
When all i want is love in my future
I just wanna fall in love
and have nothing better to think about
Love strike me down
I wanna have someone who will be around
I just wanna fall in love
So hard that i can hardly breathe
And all i can think
Is right there with me
And i'll have no stupid worries
I've waited
long enough to long
long enough to flirt
long enough to throb
long enough to hu-urt
And i see the world's still spinning round and round and round
And i'm bored
of the meaningless
of the holidays
unaccomplishment (p.s sorry i just realised this isn't actually a word)
And the dra-ging days
I just want my life to turn arou-ou-ound
I just wanna fall in love
and have nothing better to think about
Love strike me down
I wanna have someone who will be around
I just wanna fall in love
So hard that i can hardly breathe
And all i can think
Is right there with me
And i'll have no stupid worries
Even if
my heart get's broken
my heart get's scarred
if i felt something
then i got pretty far
I'll find someone else it'll all go round and round and round
Stupid worries
all about school
all about jobs
all about my future
not my heart throbs
Not by intention, there's never a mention
Anywhere i look for help they say
Just try hard at school, coz loving it aint cool
Just a distraction along the way
They say be a nice girl, trust me i want to
Be as unselfish and kind as i can
I've done what i wanted, i'm struck in the post-blue's
Now all i want is a man
Or a boy who does the best he can
I just wanna fall in love
and have nothing better to think about
Love strike me down
I wanna have someone who will be around
I just wanna fall in love
So hard that i can hardly breathe
And all i can think
Is right there with me
And i'll have no stupid worries
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Hey, NaRachel!
First of all, it would be nice if you pointed out the choruses, verses, bridges and other parts of the song. I'm pretty sure what the chorus is, but are all the other parts the same? You know how there are often A, B, and C parts in a song (A=verse, B=chorus, C=other) -- does this one have them too? You don't need much, only a little note above the stanzas like this:
It would create a more coherent feeling to the song.
About the "unaccomplishment" thing, don't use a word if you know it's not a real word, unless it's the point.
For now, it seems that the theme of the song is that the narrator wants to fall in love, so they would have no more "stupid worries". That word couple appears often in the song, and in the title too, and so I'd like it to be stronger than that. "Stupid worries" seems a bit childish, but then again, I imagine that with the right music it would fit in well. I don't know. It's hard to say without music.
Another thing that makes the general atmosphere a little messy is that you have a lot going on in this song. There are lots of details and little consistency. I wouldn't necessary go as far as deleting some verses, but you could try to edit them so that they would all promote the same thing around the one theme. If you have any questions about this (or anything else), just PM me and I'll try to make myself clearer.
Keep writing!
Demeter
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