Published September 1, 2011
Come clean
to who you are
Come clean
To all your scars
Wash clean
The tattoos on your heart
Wring them out to dry
Peg them up with a lie
and let it drip out
Until there's nothing left
Hollow and empty
Well it feels like a void
But it's a great place, really
When there's nothing to enjoy
And your forced to rebuild
and replace the parts you lost
Just patch it all up
With a little red cross.
Be free
Of strict demand
Be free
Of all your plans
That only lead you to dreams that lead you back to where it began
Be free of all the lies
That left you there to die
(You put a padlock on the door to make it hard to get in
But you crashed through the roof screaming "This is not what i planned"
You got in
from within)
Come to the place
Where it feels like a void
Its a great place to hang out
When you've got something to avoid
Where dreams are for losers
And hope is devoid
We smash the picture frames we ate off coz they made us full with joy
Hollow and empty
Your stuck in the void
But it's a great place really
When you've got nothing to enjoy
We'll take you past the kitchen
On your way outside to lost
And patch you up
With a little red cross
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,417 Literary Works • 672,117 Reviews
I'm usually not into these tyoe of writing but I thought I would give it a chance just once more. I'm happy to say i'm glad I did or never would have come across this very good piece of writing. The way you made the words flow you make this look so easy. This sort of writing really was ment for you keep it up I think you have the ability to really take it somewhere.
This was very well written...I like it a lot.There were a few things that I was confused about, but that's okay because lyrics don't always have to makes sense the first time you read or hear it. That gives the reader or listener an opportunity to read or listen to it again.
I noticed one tiny mistake in this sentence:
"We'll tak you past the kitchen"
You forgot the "e" in "take"
It was not death, for I stood up,
And all the dead lie down.
It was not night, for all the bells
Put out their tongues for noon.
It was not frost, for on my flesh
I felt siroccos crawl,
Nor fire, for just my marble feet
Could keep a chancel cool.
And yet it tasted like them all,
The figures I have seen
Set orderly for burial
Reminded me of mine,
As if my life were shaven
And fitted to a frame
And could not breathe without a key,
And 'twas like midnight, some,
When everything that ticked has stopped
And space stares all around,
Or grisly frosts, first autumn morns,
Repeal the beating ground;
But most like chaos, stopless, cool,
Without a chance, or spar,
Or even a report of land
To justify despair.
By Emily Dickinson. I couldn't say more
Awesome read. Second stanza was the strongest
Hi there! (again)
I really like the beginning of this, you've got a good thing going. I like the way you wrote it, it seems like a poem. Your rhyming is good even though you don't rhyme through the whole thing. Actually, I think you basically have a couple close rhyming words which is totally okay. I like how you repeated the words 'come clean' in the beginning. It gives it a good feel and makes it catchy.
I can't wait to see the rest of this. Keep writing!