I'm so upset that this isn't a comedic poem about monkey farts. 
So I like what you're trying to do here. It's a unique spin on the topic of depression, and you successfully maintain this dreary tone throughout the piece. In fact, the one line pretty much tells us what this poem is trying to convey: "Depression is just a bunch of monkeys trying to understand more than they need to know."
So I've been using that line as my anchor during my second read-through here.
The monkey in me was your intention? More evil than monkey is I. An ugly soup of thought and contemplation. Amusement to the muse. Please. Give me truth. Give me bliss.
I don't really know what the first couple lines of the poem are trying to say, let alone how it ties into the rest of the first segment. I've read it several times and it's just going over my head. I wonder if the monkey theme was just not played well enough in this piece to make lines like these all that effective.
It would be really interesting and cool if you used word choices that could relate to monkeys in general, and weave that theme in better with your subject matter. That's just an idea though.
OKAY enough about monkeys
You have a LOT of good moments in here. There's so many gems in this piece that it would really bog down my review if I quoted them all. In general, this almost "ode" to depression is really effective and relatable in many aspects. For the same reason, the poem does feel rather sporadic with ideas, all kind of thrown into one pot.
I may be ignorant with this suggestion, but removing the attempt at the monkey theme might actually do this piece better? It just feels forced compared to the majority of the poem, and using monkeys as a theme is such a stark difference of metaphors to use. It SHOULD be comedic. It should be silly yet morbid and relatable altogether! But it isn't, it never really happened. In fact, it's not really a comedic poem to begin with. It was more about the narrator wallowing in depression and then standing up to it by the end.
Anyhoot! Those are my thoughts for the piece. Like I said, there are just SO many beautiful and (dare I say) poetic lines in here. I think once you narrow down your theme and make some minor adjustments, this might flow a bit better.
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
Points: 83957
Reviews: 1464
Donate