Mr. Horrow got out of his bed, as usually at six o’clock. He didn’t need an alarm clock anymore, he’s been getting up at this early hour since he could remember. He did his usual morning routine which consisted of using a toilet, washing his face, shaving, brushing his hair and dressing up – all the same every day for the last forty years. He kissed his wife, Mrs. Horrow - the most unpleasant teacher you can ever imagine, he took his newspaper and left his house. At seven a.m. sharp, of course. He walked a few blocks down the street to get to his favorite cafeteria. He would much rather use his car but his doctor strictly prohibited this option due to Mr. Horrow’s lack of exercise and abundance of cholesterol in his body. He went to his favorite table and sat down. The waitress approached him immediately. She didn’t have many customers to serve at this time in the morning. Her name was Daisy, but she was way too unimportant for Mr. Horrow to care about her name. This was her third day at the cafeteria and the first time serving Mr. Horrow.
“Good morning Sir, what can I bring you?” – She asked.
“Coffee, black,” – Replied Mr. Horrow.
Daisy nodded her head and left. She returned in a little while, holding a cup of black coffee in her hand.
“Here you are, Sir,” – Said Daisy.
“Thank you,” – Said Mr. Horrow handing Daisy a couple of coins as a payment for his coffee.
Daisy smiled at Mr. Horrow and said, “Thank you, Sir. Have a nice day.”
She turned around and walked away but Mr. Horrow couldn’t stop looking at her. She wasn’t a prom queen. She didn’t have long blond hair nor blue eyes. She wasn’t toll neither skinny, but her smile could warm up the coldest heart and brighten up the darkest day. Her honest, even a bit naïve smile almost made Mr. Horrow smile back. It frightened him a little, he haven’t smiled in years. And the way she said “Have a nice day.”… He heard these words every single day, thousand times, but never like this. Never so honest. Like her only wish was to make Mr. Horrow’s day as enjoyable as possible. And her wish came true. Mr. Horrow finally stopped looking at Daisy and started reading his newspaper. He took a sip of his coffee, made by the same coffee machine as yesterday. Today it tasted somewhat better. Newspaper articles also seemed to be different. All the bad news wasn’t really so bad. Mr. Horrow finished his coffee and left the cafeteria. He would swear that the sun was shining brighter, flowers smelled sweeter and people were kinder. When Mr. Horrow approached the door to the building he was working in, the doorman opened the door for him.
“What a nice gesture,” – Thought Mr. Horrow. He just didn’t realize the doorman was there every day, holding the door for him. Mr. Horrow decided to use the stairs instead of an elevator. Three floors didn’t seem to be so much. He entered his office where Mrs. Thompson, his assistant, greeted him.
“So, Margaret, what do we have here today?” – Asked Mr. Horrow.
“Mr. Johnson is here waiting for you,” – Said Mrs. Thompson.
“All right, let him in.”
Mr. Johnson entered the office and introduced himself. He was quite young, good looking gentleman. He asked Mr. Horrow for a loan in his bank two years ago. He wanted to start his own business. Unfortunately, recent fire destroyed his house and also his small manufactory. His house neither manufactory was insured. He couldn’t afford any extra expenses, he had a wife and two children. He lost everything. He knew how uncomfortable is talking to Mr. Horrow when you owe him a lot of money you cannot pay back. Well, he had nothing to lose. With all the courage and hope that was left in his heart, he asked Mr. Horrow for another loan. Even bigger than the first one. To build his house and factory from scratch, and this time with extra expenses on insurance. He was almost sure Mr. Horrow will refuse and he will rot in jail for his debt and his wife and children become homeless. He was so terrified of going to jail with that thought in his mind that he would rather end his life right there in Mr. Horrow’s office. He didn’t know Mr. Horrow met Daisy that morning and that day was different from all the other ones. Mr. Horrow looked at Mr. Johnson and said, “Look Mr. Johnson, I understand you suffered a huge misfortune and I am really sorry about it. I am aware of the fact that you have no resources to pay back what you owe me now. I don’t usually do this, but I will approve your loan. Now get out of my office before I change my mind”.
After Mr. Johnson left, Mr. Horrow sat down on the chair in hos office. He opened his purse and took out his old revolver. He took out all of the bullets and threw them into a bin, put the revolver back into his purse and continued doing his work as always. On his way home from work, Mr. Horrow went to the caffeteria again. When Daisy brought his coffee, he smiled at her. That was the day when Daisy saved Mr. Horrow’s life.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,010 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
Hey there N1K1!
And I loved it.
Okay, so with the review:
First of all, I LOVE THIS STORY.
This is a truly great piece. Hats off.
Nothing much is revealed about the characters except the significant parts- like Mr. Horrow's daily routine but the characters come alive in the readers's minds.
This is simple and something which keeps the readers hooked.
There are some typos, please get them fixed. Like:
After Mr. Johnson left, Mr. Horrow sat down on the chair in hos office.
On his way home from work, Mr. Horrow went to the caffeteria again.
Well, overall, this is a unique piece
Keep writing,
~Gigi
PeanutPhoebe, here to review!! Okay, so this piece is amazingly well written. I love the concept and theme that just a simple smile and a few encouraging words can do so much. The only two things that I don't like about this is that for one, is some places it is a little choppy. To fix that I would recommend lengthening some of the super short sentences and vice versa, and also maybe making some into compound sentences. Also, in a lot of places I noticed grammatical errors, most of which were subject/verb agreement not working. Those may just be typos or a time when you weren't completely paying attention, I don't know. I think if you just read it through carefully you'd see them. I love the way you describe everything so well, as well as the omniscient narrator form. I would appreciate a little more information at the beginning about Mr. Horrow's life and what he did, things like that. Other than that, this is amazing!! Keep writing!!;)
Lady Celestia, the Golden Knight
Hey N1K1!
It was a nice story. You have made a good way of narrating this one.
But anyways, at the end, I agree with the other one who said in the comment that it's better if it was Mr. Johnson's life that was saved rather than Mr. Horrow's. When I'm not yet reading the last line saying "That was the day when Daisy saved Mr. Horrow’s life.", the thing that was left in my mind is that Mr. Johnson's life and his family are the ones being saved by a smile of Daisy, the waitress.
Your title is a very catchy one.
As I have glanced other comments below after reading your short story, that's the only time when I have realized what the revolver was meant for.
But as a whole, I liked the idea of the story as well as its message. It's true that even a simple smile we can give to other people could possibly save many lives. It may not come in the same situation as given by this story but still, the essence of saving lives may come in various ways and in various times.
It was good. Good job!
I really like this story. All it takes is a smile from a waitress and a kind word which I think is really sweet. I think that it would have been a little better if we knew Mr Horrow wanted to commit suicide at the beginning and how he was a bank person who lends money. But overall great! I love it how Daisy's smile does not only save Mr Horrow's life but also Mr Johnson's. Because otherwise he would have gone to jail and his family evicted, thanks to Daisy he could restart and he didn't even know. Keep writing!
I think it could've been a much better story if it didn't end with the revelation that Mr.Harrow wanted to end his life, because when you hear a story like this that's what you expect. It would have been better that Daisy's smile had saved someone she didn't even know (which would be Mr.Johnson) and led to a much more satisfying end. Also, I think you should allow Mr.Harrow time to register what Daisy's smile meant to him. Asides from that, great detail and remember to do the unexpected!!
This was just amazing o.o loved it so much!!
Ok, sorry let me start this again, i'm Aki.
To tell you the truth I see nothing really importante to change here because this piece is just really written. The description you give of Mr.Horrow gives you a clear image of how he is and how he acts. But only at the very ending are you able to realise how desperate he was before he was able to meet Daisy. Its funny how people never realise how just a few kind words and a smile can just lightene up you day, just like magic. The way you used the narrator being able to know everyones feelings and stories is great because not only do you know Mr. Horrow's story but also about the other characters.
Couldn't we say that this Daisy wasn't just wasn't able to save one life but two? When she smileed at Mr. Horrow this made him able to approve the loan witch was making such a big impact Mr. Johnson's life (was also about to take his own life).
The ending was very unexpected because while reading this we tend to forget that Mr.Horrow use to be unhappy about his life and unable to see the good in life. When at the end you come up with old revolver (as if you wanted to show that this was past) you feel a relief and happiness for this man who was able to find meaning in life.
I was also wondering how you came up with this idea? Did you actually meet such a kind waitress?
Well, this was just to tell you how I loved this story. I'll look forward to reading more from you.
Aki
I probably should add something to the story. Mr. Johnson had wife and kids he loved and he would never leave them, therefore he would never take his own life. I wrote that he would rather die than go to jail but in reality, he would never do that.
Well, I did not meet this kind of waitress but I thing I went to school one day and some guy smiled at me. I started thinking about how two seconds of looking at someone can change your whole day and somehow I came up with this story.