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The Dark Arrival: The Sibyllinauts Intro-Chap. 1

by MythMan


I am new, and not very good at writing, but I'd like you guys to make your critiques on my intro-chapter 1, and besides my horrible grammar and spelling mistakes, but I mean plot and story wise, thanx.

Introduction:

Sometimes in history, some of the facts are greatly deprived of by the famous poets and playwrights. But can you blame them? A person could get a serious cramp or writer block by making an Ode to every single person whoever held a sword. But not a single person has even written a word to a hero who is greatest of them all. But of course, his tale cannot be told in just one story. No, for this specific hero can only be told in three stories, and this which I have titled The Dark Arrival: The Sibyllinauts details his adventure in the areas of Rome and Greece. From Rome itself to the very depths of the Greek Hell, Tartarus, he shall acquire the greatest team of heroes, one that makes even the Argonauts pale in comparison, to travel and fight against known beast like the Stymphalian Birds, to mysterious creatures not recorded by others like the Gerlith Orcs. But such conflict that would send such heroes on such a quest could not exist, without a ridiculous amount of sub-plot. For this is going to include the entire known world, but the one thing that can prevent total catastrophe, is the three fabled Sibylline Books. So, without further ado, The Dark Arrival: The Sibyllinauts.

“…. Rome, Greece, Egypt, and Ireland shall hail the greatest hero of the modern day. A hero who shall remind the Romans of the greatest morals; who shall bring hope to the Conquered Greek Minds; who will lead the greatest of revolutions in Egypt against the reigning pharaoh, and bring the rightful king to power; and Ireland shall be no longer in war between the two greatest clans. But the hero from Ireland will bring together the greatest team of heroes to save Ireland and ultimately the world from an ancient demon, who will lead the feared Ogre-Ekeers. The Age of the Druids will be at its dying brink while the Ekeers will come from the corners of the world and attack Ireland. The Age of Ekeers is destined to signal Ragnarok, the truce between all deities around the world that if human should corrupt to such an extent that one god may take leadership and rule the humans with a strict hand, or destroy them. Many wars are destined to start to prevent the Destined One from reaching his goal, from mortals to gods. Little will be known; doubt will strike the hearts of the hero’s closest allies. So I, Sibyl of Cumae, prophetess of the fabled Sibylline Books proclaim that the Ekeers can only be stopped by the Spell of Heart, the legend of the heroes has just begun…”

The Account of Ragnarok from the Sibylline Books

Chapter One: Dreams

Once again Torin Deberit finds himself in the same recurring dream, as he is stuck in a large groupings of trees. He attempts to push his way out, but he dares not push too hard, for fire strikes the sky and chaos surrounds him. The difference from this dream to his others is that he sees other people outside of the trees. At the shores of this unknown land is a ship burning and sinking with a dead man aboard, the man wears armor, which has the emblem of the Greek Goddess Athena, the Owl. The dead man also has a quiver full of arrows which seem poisonous, but the usage or point of them to Torin is useless, for being stuck in a tree with no way out and the ship is sinking would mean that even if he did have a clever use for them, or a way to get out of his capture by the trees, he would never be able to reach the shores in time; by a large boulder is a falcon headed beast which Torin is startled greatly by, but the beast does not attack Torin, instead it aims its focus on a group of ugly demons which would terrify a child greatly, in fact the description of the creatures is so gruesome that I dare not explain the features nor details. The beast attacks the demons swiftly, but realizes it was a trap, and gets crushed under a pile of demons; afar from Torin’s position is a man carrying dual swords, a very common weapon for extremely skilled warriors, attacks a group of demons on his own. The warrior is extremely powerful and manages to block all of their disgusting and gruesome attempts to kill and devour the man. Torin was about to see if there were any other new additions to the dream, but he is interrupted when a loud scream signals the burning trees to shake and begin to collapse, they are about to give Torin a fiery death when he awakes from the ghoulish nightmare.

Torin Deberit gasps and jumps out of his humble bed of straw. It was frightening, but Torin sensed that something was wrong with that dream, something was not correct about it. Torin walks out of his simple hut by the southern shore of Eire and tends to his sheep, which were already doing their morning gamboling across the shores. Torin knew each of his sheep by name and he started the morning by calling his ewes first.

“ Mary, Elizabeth, Janet, Jill, Patricia, Wendy, Lacey, Teresa, Natalie, Kate, Hannah, Lauren, Angela, Allyson, Jean, Jennifer, Lara, Harriet, Emma, Rebecca, and Darla!” They all came when their master called them, each happy to see that he is in a good mood. Torin gave all of them hay, and they delighted. Each of them took a bite of hay, surprisingly in the order that Torin called them; Mary, Elizabeth, Janet, Jill, Patricia, Wendy, Lacey, Teresa, Natalie, Kate, Hannah, Lauren, Angela, Allyson, Jean, Jennifer, Lara, Harriet, Emma, Rebecca, and Darla all came jumping to take their bite (though Darla was a rather plump sheep who didn’t have as much energy as her fellow ewes, but she managed). Even though Mary was first to take a bite, Harriet was the more respected ewe amongst them, for her lambs were always the fastest and strongest amongst all of the other lambs.

Torin then called for the rams, also by name.

“ John, Jack, Patrick, Bernard, Carter, Jimmy, Justin, Zachary, Gus, Martin, Albert, Xavier, Igor, Sam, Gregory, Kyle, David,

Aaron, Columbus, and Jonah!” the rams came from the shores and took, also in order of them being called, a bite out of the hay. Harriet’s mate Igor was respected amongst the respect since he and Harriet always had the greatest of lambs. Torin went over to keep Darla (who was always confused) from wandering when Columbus pushed in front of Aaron and was about to take a bite when Aaron pushed at Columbus, for he was furious that Columbus would dare try to brake the order. Columbus and Aaron then went into a pushing contest and Igor was too busy with the Ewes out by the shores watching a Pirate Ship pass by and disappear into the mist. Columbus attacked Aaron in full power, but Aaron remained steadfast and returned the blow. Torin was still out keeping Darla from wandering off.

Torin almost had Darla back into the meadows when a wolf appears and Torin begins to bash it with his shepherd staff. Igor notices the battle between Aaron and Columbus and rush over and knocks them both down. Columbus gamboled away when Aaron ran past Igor and smashed at Columbus. Igor bashes at Aaron from the side, but Aaron was determined that he was going to have vengeance. Torin smacked the wolf to the side but realized too late that where one wolf is, the pack is sure to follow. Out of the blue wolves appear and try to bite him. Darla gains the sudden speed of Harriet the ewe and runs back scared to Harriet and the rest of the ewes. Torin bangs all of the wolves to the side, but misses one and gets bitten hard on the arm, he screams loudly. Back over by the hay Igor rams Aaron to the side so hard that Aaron walked away, defeated. Columbus near the rest of the ewes and rams “baaaaaaaas” in praise of the victorious Igor, and the rest of the flock joins. Torin too soon finds victory by bashing one of the wolves hard into the ground, it whimpers while limping away, and the rest soon follow. Torin goes back to his hut and tends to his wounds on his arm. Once he bandages his wounds, he returns to his flock and leads them around.

After he finishes he decides to take them to the

Druidic Forest. Now something to tell you, this section of Ireland, the Druids do not use stone temples, they use the Druidic Forest. Well, before I go into that, I should explain the Druids first for the ones who are ignorant in the section of Druids. Druids were the law keepers, but are more jack- of- all-trades. They are law-keepers, but also they look over magic. In fact the Druids are the Wizards of Ireland. Druids are faithful to their patron deity, Dagda, who is one of the greatest gods of the Celtic Pantheon. As Torin approaches, a Druidess Jeriss Helicia takes the sheep and tells Torin to walk into the labyrinth of a forest. Torin and Jeriss have a history, but I will talk about that later when it will be easier to contemplate. Torin walks into the Druidic Forest, where he is surrounded by foliage; the sky cannot be seen for it is blocked from sight by the long and thick branches. Torin knows how to go through most of the Druidic Forest, for he has gone in many times. Torin takes a left, then a right, goes right, and then left, and he takes many more intricate pathways until he approaches one of the chambers, the chamber to the

High Druid, the chamber to Herson Igrom. Torin approaches the wall of bushes and knocks three times. Magically the center of the bushes takes the shape of a wolf’s head.

“ What is the password?” the bush wolf head growled. Torin’s moxie stayed with him and he said.

“ Mandrake Root” the bush wolf head growled and finished the bush form. The bush transformed into a full wolf (which like the head was made out of the bush still) and it ran into the room. It approached a stump where a Druid in his white cloak sat.

“ Herson, Torin Deberit wishes to speak with you” the bush wolf said and then went to the side by the bush walls and said to Torin.

“ Do not take too long, call me when you are done” and the bush wolf had transformed it into the bush walls and was not seen, but the bush door was still open.

“ Hello, Torin Deberit. Rightful heir of the Deberit Clan” Herson said to Torin. Yes, Torin is a heir of the Deberit Clan (which is very logical since his surname is Deberit).

Torin Deberit’s family, the Deberit Clan, is one of the two strongest clans in Ireland. They would be practically the rulers of Ireland, but the other clan, the McHernis, does not allow such a thing. Torin is the son of Geform and Agnes Deberit, the King and Queen of the Deberits. Geform and Agnes have been growing old and soon a rightful heir is to take the throne on the Deberits. The Deberits need a ruler because they are at war with the McHernis. The Deberits grew strong by honest work while the McHernis used tyranny and intimidation. Torin would take the throne, but the only problem is his bastard half-brother, Vinoliman. Many years ago Geform had a lover before Agnes came into thought, the lover’s name was Daisy. Daisy left Geform heartbroken and Geform married Agnes. But years later before Torin were born; Daisy returned and showed Geform’s bastard son, Vinoliman. Agnes agreed to raise Vinoliman, but the newborn Torin was to become the heir of Geform. Before a fateful day, Torin and Vinoliman together would lead the Deberits in battle. One time they saved the captured Helicia Clan, and Torin saved Jeriss Helicia from being a personal slave to the diabolical McHernis Clan leader, Quary McHernis. Jeriss and Torin soon became inseparable and became lovers themselves. But Vinoliman soon became odd, not acting to his normal heroic behavior. One night while Torin and Jeriss were walking across one of the corridors in the Deberit Manor, they peeked into the room of Vinoliman; he was madly muttering that he was going to kill Torin and Jeriss. Torin and Jeriss ran so quickly they did not care to hear why he was acting odd or why he wanted to kill them. Torin and Jeriss ran across many hills and then were found by Herson Igrom who was taking a walk across the beach. He agreed to take Jeriss, but he told them that they may never rejoin until they know they are safe from the clutches of Vinoliman. Torin never went back to the Deberit Manor and stayed in his hut as a shepherd. He was labeled dead after that, and Vinoliman became heir.

“ I would perfer if you not say that” Torin replied.

“ Why not, you are definitely not the rightful heir of a shepherd!” Herson laughed. Herson was a rather old Druid (very common for a High Druid) and had a white beard and gray hair.

“ Well, I gave up that life”

“ Because of lost lovers?” Herson said.

“ Jeriss and I both agreed that we would not go back to the way it was till it is safe”

“ Dear Torin, for as long as I have known you, you are not one to give up what you have earned.”

“ Well, as I said, that was my old life. I shall live the rest of my days as Linard the Shepherd!” One thing I did not mention was that in order to prevent anybody from finding him, Torin underwent an incognito as Linard Omans the Shepherd. And his incognito has worked relatively well, though there were sometimes when he almost revealed his true identity. The only people who know who he really is are the Druids and his closest friends; Hermi Kilamen, Wermin Delaily,

Dellin Pormint, and Jom Germanski.

“ Please Torin, this is no time to be stubborn, now you came because of your recurring dream” Herson said. You are probably thinking that I have forgotten to write about Torin telling Herson about the dream, but I haven’t. Torin knows that Herson learnt about Torin’s point at being in the Druidic Forest thanks to his Druidic Magic.

“ Yes, but this time…”

“…It changed, I know” Herson interrupted. “ So tell me, what is different?”

“ This time I saw figures, other people and demons in my dream”

“ Yes, it has finally happened”

“ What?”

“ You are experiencing something that I was expecting for years!”

“ Please pardon my ignorance, but what are talking about?”

“ Torin, you have been deprived of a family secret, in fact, it’s so secret that your family doesn’t know it.”

“ Well, what is the secret?”

“ Eons ago, the dark Celtic god of the underworld, Wodan, unleashed his most evil of a demon. The Demon was followed by monstrous versions of the Ekeer. The Demon himself lead the Ogre-Ekeers, the fiercest and strongest, which had six arms and when it pounded on the ground caused the ground to shake in waves. The Demon was going to conquer Ireland, and eventually the world. Luckily, us Druids used a magic spell to destroy The Demon, and it was vanquished thanks to the Druidic Magic of the Obliteration Spell, and the Ekeers ran back into the Underworld in fear.”

“ Yes, but what relevance does that have to my dreams?”

“ Well, The Obliteration Spell destroyed the body of The Demon, but its spirit thrived and possessed all of the people in the village close to here. Us Druids consulted the Sibylline Books, Three Books of Prophecies from the Prophetess Sibyl of Cumae. Using the powerful magic, we exercised The Demon from everybody. We shipped the Sibylline Books back to Rome, but we realized too late that after we shipped it, we realized that Yulin McHernis and Alrein Deberit, the founding fathers of the two clans, still had The Demon inside of them. We used the Druidic Exorcism Spell, which was not able to destroy The Demon, but at least keep him at bay. Now in every single Deberit and McHernis, The Demon is reborn in another body.”

“ But still, what does the fact that I have an ancient evil demon inside of have to do with my dreams”

“ You see, you have had a certain resistance against The Demon, but the others have not been as lucky. The dreams you were having are contributed to a prophecy.”

“ What prophecy?”

“ That a hero shall be hailed from Ireland to protect the world from The Demon from returning. That dream was of the other heroes who will help you on your quest.”

“ What quest?”

“ The Quest for the Sibylline Books! To prevent

The Dark Arrival!”

“ Herson, you are very wise, but how do you know it is me?”

“ Because, you are a Deberit, and you have been having this dream. You are the only one who can fight back against the inner demon so that you may save your family and the world. Vinoliman, your bastard half-brother went maddening that fateful night because he has not had the resistance against The Demon like you have had. If you do not believe you are the Destined One, fine. But if you wish to save your half-brother and your family, find the Sibylline Books!”

“ Alright, I will do it.”

“ Good” Torin and Herson walked over to the bush wall

“ Bush Wolf, we are about to leave, close the opening behind us please” Herson said. As they walked out the bush wolf emerged from the bush wall, went to the opening, and transformed back into a bush door. Torin and Herson walked down the dirt paths. The many paths were long, and Torin could hear strange noises coming from the trees.

“ Herson, for a very long time, I have wondered what those noises are.”

“ Dear Torin, you do not have to be afraid, those are just spirits, they will not hurt you. The monsters that lay inside of the tree walls will never hurt you. And if they wanted to, they are trapped inside of there, so do not fear them.” Still, Torin could feel something weird inside of the Druidic Forest.

Herson walked up to a section of trees and stomped four times. One of the trees began to move and a branch turned into a wooden owl.

“ Yes, what is the password, Herson?” the wooden owl hooted

“ Manticore” The Wooden owl transformed back into a branch and the branch swayed into the forest and swayed back with a cloak.

“ Torin, this is the prized High Druid Cloak, I am giving it to you.”

“ What”

“ Torin, you will need as much protection as you can get. Wodan himself secretly created Ekeers, only us Druids and the gods know about them. The High Druid Cloak will protect you.”

“ This is quite a gift….” Torin stopped. He felt a sudden wind blow at him.

“ That was amazing”

“ Yes, that was the Wind of Secrets, the wind eternally carries everybody’s secrets. What did it tell you?”

“ That I am the destined one.”

“ So do you believe it”

“ Yes, for some reason I do believe the Wind of Secrets”

“ Good, so you willingly accept the quest?”

“ Yes.”

“ Well, you are going to have to go to the Deberit Manor and retrieve some items, like a half decent sword.”

“ Go back to the Manor!”

“ Yes, but you may keep you identity secret, go in there secretly” Torin could not believe what he was about to do, but it seemed he had no choice in the matter.

Torin left his sheep in the care of the Druids and he set off to the Deberit Manor. The place was elaborate for the time and to gaze upon it would be like gazing upon the most beautiful woman in the world. Many of the villagers have claimed that when gazing upon the Manor, you experience a feeling similar to that when a boy and a girl become infatuated with each other. But anyway, Torin couldn’t believe it was home. He knew that if he wanted to get in and out unnoticed, he would have to go the back way. So he sneaked behind the Manor, (this side was just as beautiful) and he saw the vines which led into an opening, Torin used this vine countless times to sneak into his chambers late at night as a child so he wouldn’t get caught by his mother or father and have them say things like “ We were worried about you, you made us all scared” . Torin climbed up and into his chambers, there he saw his beautiful bed and beautiful paintings. Torin sneaked out of his chambers and crept down the corridor. Now you must realize that this is kind of degrading to Torin that he would have to creep in his own manor, but Torin dared not let anyone realize that he was still alive. Torin crept further down and went into the Dining Chambers, luckily no one was there and the sword decorations were still up. So Torin was about to pull one of the swords down when he heard footsteps and he quickly hid under the long table. It was his mother Agnes and one of his friends, Hermi Kilamen.

“ Agnes, we have been through with this, Torin is gone”

“ I know, but I just feel like I could have prevented his death by a wild wolf” Agnes cried. Yes, people decided that Torin was killed and devoured by wolves.

“ You couldn’t of done anything” Hermi said. Hermi was an exceptionally good liar, especially when he is saying one of his friends is dead when he knows they are living by the beach.

“ Well, I will hope and pray, that Dagda kept my boy alive” Agnes went away while sobbing. Hermi was about to walk with her when his leg was grabbed.

“ What the….” Torin got up from under the table.

“ Torin Deberit, one of these days you are going to have to learn that people do not like getting scared!” Hermi laughed.

“ But anyway, Torin, why are you here, aren’t you supposed to be incognito?” Hermi asked.

“ I have to go, I must leave Ireland.” Torin said in a more serious voice.

“ But why, where would you go?”

“ Rome”

“ Rome! But that is not even within the Irish Sea!”

“ I know, but there is great trouble, and this is not the place to discuss it, I must acquire some things”

“ Torin, you are not going to Rome alone. The seas are treacherous, I think you are going to need some fellow sailors to assist you; such as Wermin, Dellin, Jom, and me”

“ Alright, meet me back at the shipyard by my hut, the carpenters will be out tending to gathering supplies to repair a fishing ship.” Hermi agreed and went to go get the others. Torin pulled one of the swords and stole a sheath from a wooden model of one of the patron deities of the Deberit Clan, Olgam. He quickly sneaked into the armory, but hid behind a wooden shield with the Pot of Dagda on it, in the room was Geform Deberit, Torin’s father.

“ Great Dagda, you have lead me through triumph, lead me again. My son, Torin, is dead. And his half-brother, Vinoliman, has left us. Please do what you can. I need my sons with me. My hour is soon, do not fail me, please.” Torin could not let his father do this so he walked in front of the shield.

“ I am here, father.” Torin said.

“ Has Dagda sent me the ghost of my son!” Geform yelled.

“ No father, I am very alive”

“ Blessed the gods, now the heir has returned for good” Geform hugged his son, but Torin did not smile.

“ Father, our reunion is sweet, but my departure is due”

“ What do you mean Torin?” Geform began to step away from Torin.

“ Father, I love you and mother more than life, but it is life that I must work for. I am leaving, to retrieve the Sibylline Books for the Druids. I do not know when I will return”

“ No! You mustn’t leave, I cannot lose you again” Geform cried.

“ Father, it is my destiny. Please do not cry for me” Geform tried to grab Torin so he wouldn’t go, but Torin seemed to vanish. Torin ran down the corridor and back into his chamber. There he climbed back out and ran back for his hut. Geform did not know how to feel, but he went to Agnes who was in their chamber, and he explained his short reunion with their son.

Torin ran to the hut, there, Jeriss and the friends were there. Jeriss walked up to Torin.

“ Jeriss, if you are about to say that you want to go with me, I will decline. I will not risk your life.”

“ Torin, I love you, I will not stand here only to get the news that your body lays on the floor of the sea! I shall not!” Jeriss cried, tears ran down her cheek. Despite her Druidess training, she could not keep her sadness and affection for Torin in her.

“ Jeriss, I love you too. But sometimes, you must let go, in order to save those you love!” Torin held Jeriss.

“ If you will not let me go. And if you will not stay here, I only request of one thing.”

“ What may that be, Jeriss?”

“ Come back, let me see your shining face return to these shores. “ Jeriss tried to keep her sobbing controlled.

“ I promise” Torin said, and Jeriss took Torin’s flock of sheep to the Druidic Forest. All of the sheep too could not believe that their master was leaving, even Igor could not believe what was happening. Igor could understand the promise Torin made to Jeriss, and he planned that he would make sure that Torin did return home. Igor sneaked, while Torin was talking with his friends, into the ship and hid himself in a crate on bottom deck. Torin put the equipment on board, and cloaked himself in his High Druid Cloak. Soon following was Hermi Kilamen, Wermin Delaily, Dellin Pormint,

and Jom Germanski. Unfortunately, the mist surrounding was thick, but Torin managed to lead the boat straight through. Hermi felt a certain feeling that something was not right, but he dared not say anything. Wermin and Jom at some cheese, they were deprived of breakfast and their many other meals, for they loved their food. Dellin kept a keen eye for anything mysterious, but nothing appeared from the fog and mist. Torin was looking at the water when Wermin asked

“ Torin , would you like some cheese and bread?” Torin joined Wermin and Jom who were sitting on crates and eating. Torin sat on one of the crates and grabbed some cheese.

“ Torin, something isn’t right about this” Hermi said.

“ What could …gulp….be …the…gulp…problem” Jom said while stuffing his face with cheese and milk, showing Jom had not only been deprived of his breakfast and other meals, but he missed his supper. Though that was probably account to his partying at a party that was being hosted by Wermin’s brother, Saul Delaily, and Jom did not eat anything at the party or when he returned home.

“ I do not know, but something is strange about this. I haven’t seen a single ship, let alone a sentry.” Hermi went to one of the empty crates and picked some cheese up. Soon Dellin joined them.

“ Yes, it is strange that none of the sentry ships are around. For the little they have there are none in sight” Dellin gulped down his milk. Wermin took out from one of the crates he brought.

“ Wine, Dagda bless you Wermin, you brought wine!” Jom exclaimed.

“ Yep, my own brother supplied some, but I didn’t tell him what I was using them for” Wermin said while he passed around jugs of wine. Hermi was about to take his gulp when he noticed some strange noise out on the water. He gazed from his seat out at the Irish Sea, but nothing was in sight, but fog. But then a Pirate Ship appeared and anchored itself by their ship. The pirates ran onto the deck and laughed at the pathetic friends. Dellin and Jom pulled out daggers and clashed with them, while Hermi and Torin took out their swords. Wermin had a dagger of his own, but he yelled to his fellow sailors that the odds were too risky, that the pirates were going to win. So they attempted to run off the ship, but while Torin was running, one of the pirates knocked him out with the haft of his sword.

Now some of you are probably thinking, why in the world would I write of an account where Torin got knocked out, and all of his friends are nowhere in sight. The probability is that he will get killed. But for those who have read and heard of heroic accounts know that this is a common motif and that the protagonist will come up with a cunning plan to get him, or her, out of the situation. But for those people, you are a bit ignorant about this situation. True, I would not tell the tale of Torin Deberit if he died before he even got close to the Sibylline Books, but I have to tell you, Torin is in no position if he does manage to awaken, to assault the besieging pirates. Instead, another hero will save our protagonist. The pirates sailed the ship into the Mediterranean Sea and where heading for Libya where they would sell Torin as a slave, and trade the goods they had found. Luckily, at the same time, Horatius of Rome was sailing in his fishing ship. He was sailing around innocently. Horatius was a hero of his land, he had experience of his own fighting against uneven odds. Horatius saw the ship and saw the pirates so he sailed, hidden, closer to the ship and jumped aboard. The pirates were not startled and drew their swords against the armored, but weaponless man when he drew dual swords and attack them. He was skillful with the might dual blades and managed to thrust all of the pirates off board. He observed the ship and went down to the bottom deck and saw poor Igor scared, but Igor would not let him pass till he realized Horatius was not going to hurt him.

“ Now little guy, are there any survivors of the previous sailors?” Horatius asked Igor.

“ Baaaaaaaa “ Igor replied.

“ I thought you would say that” Horatius said and walked towards some of the crates and saw knocked out Torin. He lifted Torin and was followed by Igor back onto his ship and he sailed back to Rome.


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Tue Aug 11, 2020 6:37 pm
WaterSpout wrote a review...



Hello Mythman! I have noticed this story is older than me by just a little under an year.
I doubt you'll ever read this, but I'm reviewing anyways. Why? Because I have a few things that I want to say. Not all of them are grammar related, but some are plot and story-wise related. I see you wanted that, so I'll try my best at doing that, since judging plot isn't my strongest suit. Grammar is, but I guess I'll try to blend in both of those into my review. It's not that I've never done it before, it's just that I don't really think I can offer much. I'll read a story and think the plot is a masterpiece, but someone else will point out all of the different errors it has.
But I'm not even sure anyone will read what I just wrote.
But without further ado, I'll get started with this - my review!

A person could get a serious cramp or (1)writer block by making an (2)Ode to every single person (3)whoever held a sword.

Should I start with the plot, or grammar? This is hard, I mean Mythman requested to do the plot, but I'm way better with grammar than with plot. Well, Mythman may never read this, so I'll just start with the grammar. And I'll start by doing a list.
[list=1][*]'writer' -> 'writer's'
[*]'Ode' doesn't need capitalization
[*]That doesn't really flow off the tongue well; you should've changed it to just 'that'

The obvious problem I have with this is that it's just way too long. You could have divided it up into smaller parts. This is probably at least two chapters labeled as one.
And since it is this long, I can't be pointing out every single grammar mistake, so I'll point out the most important, then I'll comment on the plot. I think that's the best I can do.

A hero who shall remind the Romans of the greatest morals; who shall bring hope to the Conquered Greek Minds; who will lead the greatest of revolutions in Egypt against the reigning pharaoh, and bring the rightful king to power; and Ireland shall be no longer in war between the two greatest clans.

Not only is the story long, but also the sentences. I don't really have a problem with this one in particular, since it follows the correct grammar rules, I'm using this as an example of how long your sentences can get.

The Age of Ekeers is destined to signal Ragnarok, the truce between all deities around the world that if human should corrupt to such an extent that one god may take leadership and rule the humans with a strict hand, or destroy them.

Okay, so you're mixing up all of these Greek, Roman, and Norse myths? That's pretty cool. Unless it's consistent with what myth you're focusing on, but I don't think that's the case.

Torin was about to see if there were any other new additions to the dream, but he is interrupted when a loud scream signals the burning trees to shake and begin to collapse, they are about to give Torin a fiery death when he awakes from the ghoulish nightmare.

I don't really like how you went about telling the nightmare. There wasn't that much description, you only told the reader what there was flatly. There seemed to be no emotion, and even in the last part, I couldn't feel any fear nor suspense. It was all very flat.

“ Mary, Elizabeth, Janet, Jill, Patricia, Wendy, Lacey, Teresa, Natalie, Kate, Hannah, Lauren, Angela, Allyson, Jean, Jennifer, Lara, Harriet, Emma, Rebecca, and Darla!”
“ John, Jack, Patrick, Bernard, Carter, Jimmy, Justin, Zachary, Gus, Martin, Albert, Xavier, Igor, Sam, Gregory, Kyle, David,
Aaron, Columbus, and Jonah!”

Wait, why would you give ewes and rams human names? I think this would have been a great opportunity to show your creativity and name each ewe and ram based on their physical features that you want to give them or their behavior.

Torin went over to keep Darla (who was always confused) from wandering when Columbus pushed in front of Aaron and was about to take a bite when Aaron pushed at Columbus, for he was furious that Columbus would dare try to brake the order. Columbus and Aaron then went into a pushing contest and Igor was too busy with the Ewes out by the shores watching a Pirate Ship pass by and disappear into the mist. Columbus attacked Aaron in full power, but Aaron remained steadfast and returned the blow. Torin was still out keeping Darla from wandering off.

It's funny how you give the rams human traits, like names and their personalities, even though they wouldn't have acted like that. Unless they would have...
But I like it. It adds to the already long story. Why not add some ram drama?

Now something to tell you, this section of Ireland, the Druids do not use stone temples, they use the Druidic Forest.

Because mythology

Druids are faithful to their patron deity, Dagda, who is one of the greatest gods of the Celtic Pantheon.

So you're also mixing in some Celtic mythology? I'm impressed

But I think that's where I'll stop. There's just too much. But hopefully someone can find this useful.
With Caution,

WaterSpout




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Tue Nov 04, 2008 4:03 pm
Maki-Chan wrote a review...



:shock: *GASP!* When I saw how long this was I almost died! >_< Please you should put this into smaller parts, at least if you don't wanna scare away the readers. After you do this PM me and I'll review it ^_^





If you're paranoid that you're making your novel worse with each passing decision clap your hands
— Panikos