Published March 31, 2010
The sun was blindingly bright and yet so deadly. Today was the day the sun was supposed to die. Of course I felt frightened, but what can you do when all the lights go out? You have to find your way through the dark, and undoubtedly the whole solar system would be catastrophic, Earth would freeze… we’d all die… the planets would go hey-wha. It would be the end of our life for sure. But that would be stupid of me to think that there’s no more life out there. I promised my mum I’d look after her children, my brothers and sisters. I promised I’d put them first, and not my self. If it comes to me having to be sacrificed, then so be it.
The news reports didn’t interest me, and so I didn’t pay much attention when they explained how they knew the Sun would die today. However I do understand that this is the end of everything. Everybody was panicking; there was no way we could prevent what was natural. You can’t cheat death.
A million years ago we had conquered human error, computers were at their very beginning and we had a cure for cancer. I heard of something called smoking which people used to get addicted to, but that isn’t a problem nowadays. The things people did wrong back then is no longer, and we as humans have evolved a lot. We can grow to be ten foot long and live until we’re one hundred and fifty. We can hold our breath under water for fifteen minutes. We’re better.
From old maps I have seen and adored, the country Britain is entirely under water, and there are old ruins of the buildings and cities that were abandoned. Half of America is missing; small countries like Thailand and the Hawaiian islands are no longer visible. Only the high land is left, part of Africa, some of Spain and Portugal, most of Asia is visible and a quarter of South America is still above sea level. But now, all of that will freeze, the oceans will freeze, we’ll all freeze. We’ll be a dead planet that maybe, just maybe, will be spotted by alien astronomers. They might land a probe on our planet and examine the surface, it would find frozen bodies and animals, and the probe it self would be more advanced than anything we could ever come up with.
There’s no escaping death. It was going to happen any moment, and I was ready, ready for anything.
I wrote that at school, I might be switching between tenses so could you please point out places that might switch? It's supposed to be past... but any way, reviews are heplful!
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141,302 Literary Works • 674,338 Reviews
I like it! Ha ha i think it's cute and I want to read more
I couldn't find any error and I liked this futuristic image you created. Would really like to see where it goes from here. PM me when you have more!
that's only a bit of it, i'm going to write more but i just wanted to see what people thought of this bit.
I liked it. Your story was simple, but powerful in a sense. I wish you had more detail in your MC.
Hi hi, I shall take you for a spin, if I may? Here we go...
I get the sense that this wasn't really a planned endeavour? It feels very...half-done, incomplete in a way.
The premise itself is very interesting. After all, we are witnessing not only the final moments of a single person, but that of human civilisation. I think done well it would be an excellent read, so I can't help but feel it needs to be expanded somewhat. I'd be a terrible reviewer if I simply left it at that, so here are my thoughts on the matter.
It's very info dumpy at the moment, but that's largely because its a lot compressed into a short space. It's simply an account of how the world has progressed. There isn't much to feel in terms of character apart from a short paragraph at the start. Who is this girl? What will she sacrifice? How does she feel about it? In fact, how would you feel were you put into a similar situation?
Use her to show the information about the world to the reader. You mention the landscape of the future, and maps she once adored. For example, you can have her examine those maps again for one last time, stare blankly at the spot where a land called Britian used to be while she remembers her past life, poring over these maps, learning about the lands that no longer exist.
And also, what about the society she lives in? While your character seems to be calm and collected, its likely not everyone will be. What are they doing? How are her family?
Oh dear, I've rambled. Anyhows, I hope this has been helpful, dear. Please don't take criticsms personally, I just want to help you bring out the best in your writing. When I was your age I would've never thought up such as interesting concept (I was too busy ripping LOTR)