z

Young Writers Society



Evony- the new planet (Chapter 1)

by MysticalBlood


The new planet

Standing on the top of the hill, I smiled as I stared at the beautiful scene ahead of me. Trees, tall and green, coated in a thick layer of slippery moss. How did I know it was slippery? A monkey had just fallen off… but you don’t want to hear me tell you about a monkey slipping off a tree branch do you?

The sky was purple, a deep rich purple, and stars sparkling high in the sky. Forest canopies covered the whole of the planets floor; I could see nothing but green, pink, red and blue leaves. I could smell wet grass, rich and soothing, and I could smell familiar plants… something like a rose, rich and powerful though. They were almost unbearable to sniff. The not-roses were probably a hundred metres away. The sounds of birds chirping in the sky, of planes whizzing past, and of many creatures I couldn’t identify in the forest ahead could be heard. Birds and planes flew by in the strange sky; if they could manage to get me onto this planet and a few practice planes I had launched via signal, they would be able to send other animals and people and loads more onto this planet.

I was billions of miles away from my home, billions of years away from my home… I had been teleported onto the planet. The reason? There were too many humans on Earth; there was simply no room. Humans would be sent to the planet to live, give birth, eat, build and just simply live the life we once had on Earth.

The government of England, and every other government in the whole wide world had got together and chose me for this strange mission. I don’t really know why me of all people. Maybe their intention will be explained. They’d read my report and my background, what I do, and where I work. They’d said I was just the person for this mission, even if there were a million people with the same abilities as me… they said I was right for the job, I don’t know why; maybe because I’m 17 and have accomplished so much in so little time. I had studied all sciences and engineering techniques for about 7 years… Yes, I was young when I had started. But that was because I had a dream. I might have been teased for being a girl, but who cares? Of course, they teleported a monkey to the planet before teleporting me…

It seems strange, but the scientists had basically sent off a satellite, which would plant itself on the first planet in the universe it could sense with human living conditions. And they made sure it wouldn’t come back to Earth… It took about a week.

This planet was perfect.

I was given the opportunity to name it as well… it’d have to be approved by the Governments on Earth though, an easy way of contacting them was via signal, I could send texts on my mobile, but I needed to stand next to a signal which I had planted. Scientists had told me to plant five signals in an area where humans could definitely live, make sure there were no dangerous animals nearby and shoot them if they were in fact dangerous. I had done exactly that. Except for the shooting part, there weren’t any animals to kill.

I wasn’t going to provoke nature… never. I sat my but down on a soft rock and gazed at my mobile phone in my hand. That’s when an idea came to me. I wouldn’t cause agony for the animals on the planet, nor provoke them… The perfect name for the planet was most definitely Evony.

Finally my mind was made up after hours of thinking of a name, I had chosen. It was time to text to bring news of my success. Just as I started to create a new message, I felt a strange vibration beneath my feet. Glancing around me, I stood and frowned.

‘Please no,’ I whispered. ‘So far so good.’

That’s when a pair of vicious yellow eyes and blood stained teeth appeared from behind a bush. What the hell?! As I considered running, I realised a hesitation wasn’t what was needed, I needed my gun. Fiddling for my gun strapped into my harness, I pulled it out and held it high above my shoulders, ready for this strange unseen creature to attack.

The unfamiliar slowly exposed it’s ugly self from the shadows and into the light of the sun. It’s eyes were a demonic golden colour, observing my structure and features. I shivered as I glanced at his skull, leathery black with sharp, fatal spikes protruding from the scalp. In a deep lung full of air to stop me fainting, I scanned the creature once more, taking in its wide mouth as he bared his lethal fangs. One pierce and that would have definitely stopped me in my tracks, but I ignored all possibilities of a painful death and examined him more. He had four sharp furry claws with long nails covered in blood, a lengthy black fluffy tail, and a stretched belly. He was hideous.

The alien also stank bad, impossible to explain… but terribly off-putting. If I had touched him, he’d feel greasy and probably sticky. Maybe it was a way of making sure his victim would stick to him when he was chasing for his dinner.

I shuddered at the thought. Even with my gun held high, and my vegetarian way of going about things, I felt numb to the bone, and like I couldn’t shoot this animal, even if it was deadly. It was like if you hated someone, you wouldn’t leave him or her if they were dying, you’d call an ambulance right? But then again… some people only thought about themselves… or couldn’t care less.

Life isn’t fair if you think about it that way, I thought, and slowly, I put my finger on the trigger, took in a deep breath, and shot.

I heard a scream, an ear-piercing shriek, and then I fell back into unconsciousness.

***

My head felt heavy as I arrived into consciousness, I felt dazed and disorientated, like I’d woken up from an incredibly long dream. What had just happened? Where was I? Something was carrying me. What? I was being held in two arms… a human? No… not possible. It couldn’t be a human. Could it? I frowned in confusion as I thought about philosophy. Of course there was going to be more life in the universe, I’d just experienced that! How could a human be carrying me?

Confused!

Don’t think about this anymore! Just sleep! I thought to myself as I agreed with a part of my mind to leave it there. But could I? No I couldn’t! What if I was going to be eaten?

That was it. I snapped open my eyes and glanced up to see a human like person carrying me, cradling me in his arms. Was it a he? My vision was too messed up to become focused… perhaps it was… considering the structure of his face through blurred vision, I felt sure it was a he. I coughed slightly, just a cough to get his attention.

He didn’t look at me.

No surprise there. Who’d want to look at me? I was nothing special. I was just another living thing, meaning nothing in the universe.

‘Hello?’ I croaked.

The alien stopped.

The sudden stop scared me, made me wonder if now I had talked, he was going to eat me.

My vision cleared and I widened my eyes as I stared into his face. He looked… human! With the only exception being his nose was shaped like the muzzle of a dog, but the rest of him was pretty human… Oh no… had I stepped onto a planet of werewolves? Had the thing I shot been a werewolf?

‘Sang ur demer le forg,’ he said slowly. Had he just spoken in some strange werewolf tongue? Alien tongue?

He glanced into my eyes and I shied away from his glare, and looked to where he was heading before he had so abruptly stopped. A forest was ahead, and a path was leading into it. The forest was just a thick seemingly-never-ending bush of green, red, blue, orange and other obtuse colours. How odd could this world get? For a moment when he looked into my eyes, and I stared back into his big brown ones, I’d felt my heart melt, and I knew I shouldn’t feel any affection for an alien breed who might possibly eat me. That was just so god darn stupid.

I’d had time to glance at his features, pale skin, brown muzzle, black brushed back hair and pointy ears, and from what I’d seen of his shoulders, I was sure he wasn’t wearing any clothes.

I was going to have to find a better spot for a camp… I’d have to obtain the signals I had planted, but before I did that, I’d have to get the hell away from these aliens!


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.






You can earn up to 270 points for reviewing this work. The amount of points you earn is based on the length of the review. To ensure you receive the maximum possible points, please spend time writing your review.

Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
57 Reviews


Points: 6757
Reviews: 57

Donate
Sat Jan 09, 2010 9:23 pm
narniafreak12 says...



oh, okay. Sorry, I'm not aware of how English people spell everything. =] Okay, that's fine if you're explaining it later. =]

-Narniafreak!




User avatar
109 Reviews


Points: 11052
Reviews: 109

Donate
Wed Jan 06, 2010 7:29 am
MysticalBlood says...



Do you mean “meters”?


No. english people spell it like that. americans spell it with meters. they also spell color like that whereas we spell it like colour. don't know about the rest of the world...

By the way... all is explained later on with the unconcious thing, she starts to think why she was unconcious later on... sorry if this is confusing but my brother read it and he wasn't confused lol... plus it probably sounds child like because it's coming from a 13 year old girl.




User avatar
57 Reviews


Points: 6757
Reviews: 57

Donate
Tue Jan 05, 2010 9:58 pm
narniafreak12 wrote a review...



Hi! I'm Narniafreak! I hope all my comments help.

How did I know it was slippery? A monkey had just fallen off… but you don’t want to hear me tell you about a monkey slipping off a tree branch do you?

Honestly, I never asked myself how the character knew this. So it might not be necessary.
The sky was purple, a deep rich purple, and stars sparkling high in the sky.

I think you mean… “and stars sparkled high in the sky.”

Forest canopies covered the whole of the planets floor; I could see nothing but green, pink, red and blue leaves

Alright this sentence it a little confusing. Maybe change it to “I could see nothing but green, pink, red, and blue leaves, because forest canopies covered the planet’s floor.”, or something. And you forgot the apostrophe in between the planet and s… it’s possessive.
The not-roses were probably a hundred metres away

Do you mean “meters”?

The sounds of birds chirping in the sky, of planes whizzing past, and of many creatures I couldn’t identify in the forest ahead could be heard. Birds and planes flew by in the strange sky;

You kind of repeat yourself. First, she hears birds and planes, and then tells us they are flying by...?

I was billions of miles away from my home, billions of years away from my home

and every other government in the whole wide world had got together

These two sentences sound a bit childish to me. I mean first you use billions a lot, and then “whole wide world”. I don’t know, but if she’s supposed to be 17 and some smart whiz kid for studying early [I assume she’s highly intelligent, maybe I’m wrong] I don’t think she’d use words like that.

I was given the opportunity to name it as well… it’d have to be approved by the Governments on Earth though, an easy way of contacting them was via signal, I could send texts on my mobile, but I needed to stand next to a signal which I had planted

Governments doesn’t need to be capitalized. Also, this is a long sentence… so cut it in half or do something with it.

I sat my but down on a soft rock and gazed at my mobile phone in my hand.

I think you mean butt

The perfect name for the planet was most definitely Evony.

Maybe it’s me, but I don’t understand why this is the perfect name. Also, you have her sit down to think about it, talk about the perfect name, then think more? If she already found it wouldn’t she just use that name? Maybe I read it wrong. Sorry if I’m confusing myself and you.

What the hell?! As I considered running, I realised a hesitation wasn’t what was needed, I needed my

Put her thoughts in italics

The unfamiliar slowly exposed it’s ugly self from the

The unfamiliar what? Did you forget a word? Because this doesn’t tell us what the unfamiliar is, even if we do know.

The alien also stank bad, impossible to explain… but terribly off-putting

How does she know it’s an alien? Maybe there’s this creature on Earth, she’s never seen one before. Also, I’m not sure what this sentence is saying. It’s a little confusing.

I heard a scream, an ear-piercing shriek, and then I fell back into unconsciousness.

Why did she black out? She wasn’t the one to get shot, and there’s no other evidence that something would knock her out.


Don’t think about this anymore! Just sleep! I thought to myself as I agreed with a part of my mind to leave it there. But could I? No I couldn’t! What if I was going to be eaten?

Again put her thoughts in italics.

Good Start! It seems like an interesting story! Keep writing! =]

-Narniafreak!





The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically. Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education.
— Martin Luther King, Jr.