Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.
"What a waste of time." Midgar spoke to himself, as he tore a huge chunk out of his piece of chicken. "I thought being a God of death would be much more fun than this."
A shadow appeared by his side and scanned the tavern around them. "Oh myyyyy, you've done a number on this town. Asutha will be pleased. How many souls would you say you took for him? 500?"
Midgar took a long swig of his ale and slammed the mug back onto the table. He rose to his feet and hefted his huge battleaxe over his back. The man stood a towering six foot five, with black hair flowing down to his waist. His face gaunt, and his eyes blood red. His skin as pale as a ghost. Truly a menacing sight to behold.
Midgar spat at the shadow and it simply fell through it and hit the ground. "643 by my count, not enough to earn my life back, eh?"
The shadow cackled menacingly. "You have about 5 million more souls to go, that is if a hero does not find you and kill you first. Although I do hope you put on a better show than you did in your last life."
Midgar stepped over a pile of bodies to exit the tavern out into the cold night. He pushed the door open and took a big breath of fresh air. It did not feel the same as when he was living. He could not complain though, his power was multiplied greatly as compared to when he was just a man.
Midgar heard marching in the distance. The nearby castle must have sent a battalion to take him down. What an unfortunate situation those men were about to find themselves in. Midgar started walking towards the general area where he heard the marching coming from. He twirled his huge battleaxe in one hand and whistled a happy little tune as he walked.
The shadow had disappeared but he knew it was nearby. What an annoying little thing. It was of no use whatsoever, he suspected it was only there to pester him. It appeared when he got his undead body. It seemed to be keeping a tally of the souls he had taken for Asutha but he did not see the point of that since Asutha was suppose to be an all knowing God of the underworld.
After a bit more walking Midgar saw the battalion of troops marching into sight. About two dozen in all by his count. Midgar picked up his pace and started into a sprint, the faster he ran the faster he twirled is battleaxe in his hand. He let out a roar of pure rage as he approached the men in a vicous gallop. He let his battle axe go, sending it right through one of the soldiers iron helms and directly into his skull. The man fell to the ground with a loud thud and reached him and tore the battleaxe out of his skull. The other soldiers surrounded him, their swords striking him from all angles. He shouted once more and twirled around with his battle axe, easily cutting into the men around him, splitting their stomachs open. Five of the men fell to the ground writhing in agony.
Midgar laughed and taunted them "You face a God of death now mortals, I hope you like the taste of blood and death."
The men came in more cautiously this time, from the front and the back, attempting to time their strikes perfectly. Each one fell one after the other from single precise blows from Midgar's battleaxe. Midgar was a big man but he proved to fast for these foot soldiers. "Hahahahaha, I love some good bloodshed." Midgar laughed maniacally.
Midgar's blood lust had started to lighten, he realized he had killed mostly everyone besides for a few men crawling and writhing on the ground. He sensed something odd though. He turned around to see a men unlike the soldiers he just fought. This man stood just about as tall as Midgar, a golden glowing long sword in hand, and shining plate armor. His eyes pierced into Midgar like a sharp blade and Midgar could sense the fury in this man.
The man spoke to him, and his voice boomed deeply in the wind. "I am Estalas, son of Edulus. I am the hero of the Blacklands and keeper of the Lightsword. I am here to kill you demon."
Midgar smiled and licked the blood from his lips. A hero. How fortunate he was. This man was worth at least 10,000 souls...
To be continued
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Ah, a good fantasy. This one smells to me of death metal and 80s pulp fiction. Let's hop to it.
The premise of this work is interesting from the first line, and the interest holds. Success.
Antiheroes this heavy used to be pretty standard, for a while, but are still far from being 'The Standard', so such moves as openly contrasting your protagonist with the hero at the end work, especially given the description-heavy, fantasy-style writing.
I shall justify my opening statement - Midgar 'smells like death metal', as I said above, because it is easy to picture him in a band of leather and chain clad barbarians screaming hoarsely into a mosh pit with a guitar shaped like a battleaxe. (Also, Norse mythology influenced names are the norm there.)
Your main character has a unique voice and is fun to watch do his stuff. He begins with a measure of audience approval from the get-go because readers expect to emphathise with the protagonist, and manages to hold it by being antagonized by a somewhat dickish shadow and then by being fun to watch.
I'd be careful with this if I were you, though! It's easy for an antihero of this caliber to crash and burn in the eyes of the audience.
At the end of the piece, there's a quip about '10,000 souls'. What is the exchange rate on souls? Why are some people worth more than others, and what determines that? It raises many questions, and so long as this is where it ends, this is what the audience is left thinking about it.
In all, as long as Midgar is fun to watch, people will watch him do his Midgar things. Or, at least, I will.
I appreciate you review and your words of praise! This is my first time writing about a character like this and it will definitely be a unique undertaking. Thanks for reading friend!
You did deserve it, after all! Be careful not to focus solely on the praise - pride cometh before a fall - but do take it, if it comes. Good luck!
Hey MysticWorss! Thanks again for the review of my story. I figured since you helped me out it was only right to check out what you've got. And I have to say... I'm quite impressed. I absolutely love the the story so far with an anti-hero type protagonist and interesting plot.
I also see what you meant by adding an interesting hook at the beginning. Also there's just enough exposition to understand the setting and the characters and leave you wanting to know more. I thought your choice of names was very unique as well. I especially like the hero's name 'Estalas, son of Edulus'. It's got a certain ring too it and it just rolls off the tongue well. I'm a novice writer, so I don't know if I can tell you much about grammar and all, but your writing came off as professional. Although, I'd like to point out in the fourth sentence, third paragraph the bottom, you put 'men' when I believe you meant to put 'man'.
Other than that, I absolutely loved it. Consider me a fan and let me know when you post more to this story. Thanks
- HobbitMan222
I appreciate the feedback Hobbitman! I thought I would try something a little different with an anti-hero. I am glad you liked it though! I am excited to continue reading your story as well!