She Wonders Sometimes.

by MysteriousMagic

Published January 24, 2011

Pain is velvet soft
words
whispered into
her ears.
Happiness is hard
bruises; cuts that
make her whirl.

Does she know anything
anymore?

She wonders sometimes.

Comments & reviews · 7
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SirenCymbaline
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SirenCymbaline commented Comment · Jan 26, 2011

You speak my hearts contents out loud. Wow.

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originalhobbit
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originalhobbit commented Comment · Jan 24, 2011

I agree with everyone else, this is short, but sweet (cliche, I know, but there's no other expression I could use). I really like the format and the whole idea behind this, it's great.

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Wondergirl59
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Wondergirl59 wrote a review Review · Jan 24, 2011

It's short, but pretty meaningful and powerful. It makes you wonder what really did happen to her, and what is to come for her. I like the last line, because to me it's a bit mysterious. Very good. :D

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MysteriousMagic
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MysteriousMagic commented Comment · Jan 24, 2011

Thanks guys. :) I think I'll change it again; it could do with some rewriting. :P

writtenacrossmysoul wrote a review Review · Jan 24, 2011

I like the simplicity of this poem. It's short, sweet, and to the point. And I really like the title.
That said, this poem was hard for me to understand. I had to read it again to figure out what was going on.
Obviously the person is very wounded.

Pain is velvet
soft words whispered
into her ears.

Is that one thought? If so then it should definitely be left like it is, but that seems like two separate thoughts, two separate sentences. Pain is velvet. Soft words whispered into her ears. Same thing with the next stanza
Happiness is hard
bruises and
cuts that swirl.

'Happiness is hard' should have a period. And I'm not quite sure what bruises and cuts 'that swirl' means.
Is anything the same
anymore?

Not totally sure why but that sounds off to me. I think it's the anymore. I think you should have stopped at 'the same'. Anymore doesn't really go with the rest of the sentence.
Keep practising, you can make for a great poet by channelling your wounds like you did.

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CardDragon
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CardDragon commented Comment · Jan 24, 2011

This poem is short ans simple, but you get it. This person has been beat up or some UN-honorable crime happened to her and she wonders if she is the same person as she was before the attack. There should be a comma after velet.



The best and most beautiful things in the world can not be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.
— Helen Keller