Young Writers Society

It's a very good, simple poem. It managed to evoke imagery of a school fight without ever mentioning such a fight.

I'm pretty much echoing what everyone else has said, but you need to cut the length of the first line in half, and I think some lines should be cut out. For instance, "a lot" adds nothing, "grotesque really" is redundant, and "for You" doesn't make sense.

All in all, I liked this. The description is simple, but powerful.

I personally didn't like this poem, maybe it was the general theme of the poem, or the language used, I don't know, but it never grasped my attention enough. I think for a poem on this topic should have been longer and perhaps more detailed, but that's just my opinion.

woah...no critique.

Great poem, though, (I know it's been said but still...) loved the whole thing about blood. I'm seriously strange, but still, past the blood, you did really do a great job with description...

Rather... unique. Good read, nonetheless.

Simple, but with nice description. Possibly alittle too simple...

Nice job.

pausing as they drip into oblivion
for You

Well, I am very squeamish around the very mention of blood. This didn't freak me out, so right away, well done.

The jab cross to your nose makes something give way

a lot
Your nose
Your face
is smeared with the stuff
grotesque really

Is smeared with the stuff
grotesque really

no crimson droplets
glistening like rubies
or scarlet teardrops
pausing as they drip into oblivion
for You

its just plain old
Blood
mixed with mucus
leaking from
your nose
dripping down
your chin

i agree with galatea's comments and strongly suggest you consider at least most of them. other than that it didn't really grab me. i got to the end and i'm like ok painted a rather nasty picture in my head but i didn't feel liek there was really much of a point to it.

The jab cross to your nose makes something give way
it bleeds
a lot
Your nose
Your face
is smeared with the stuff
grotesque really

I agree with Galatea about those little bits, but otherwise its an awesome poem. I particularly like the way that you didnt overdramatize the blood- I should say you deliberately underdramatized hehe - that was very effective. A great poem - kudos!!!

Ick. Blood. Uhm, it's not a bad picture you paint here.

Specifics:
The jab cross to your nose makes something give way--> (Too long, can you inset a line break somehow?)
it bleeds
a lot---> (uhm, not very vivid. I'd like to see something stronger here.)
Your nose
Your face
is smeared with the stuff--->(eliminate the 'is')
grotesque really---> (maybe add an 'its' before grotesque)

no crimson droplets
glistening like rubies
or scarlet teardrops
pausing as they drip into oblivion
for You --->(I would cut this line)

I like the idea that there is absolutely no significance to the blood. Its just that. Blood from a broken nose. Good job!