Ouroboros
water is Life
mothers’ wombs are liquid havens
giving birth in a world of their own
like the oceans teeming with life
from the white caps of the waves
to the most unfathomable abyss
yet danger lurks always near
for Neptune rules not the seas
a watery monarch reigns over all
from the casual toss of the waves
to the colossal pressures of the deep
Death walks closely with the unwary
gnashing teeth and spinning whirls
are oft the door to the final frontier
an eternal liquid night
water is Death
Written years ago, I still love it. Let me know what you think!
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi Myrr--
I think the biggest issue with this is that there is no punctuation...the second one that there are no capitals (but punctuation is by far more important). Without the punctuation all this has to be said in one breath. Can you read it in one breath? I can't haha.
Consider this revision with punctuation:
Other than that I actually really liked the content! The diction was what pulled me in, I think....great word choice!
Happy Editing!
It doesn't really have a particular purpose. The dichotomous nature of water is a theme that actually comes up rather frequently; it is simultaneously essential to life and the medium for many dangerous and deadly encounters.
Thanks for the comment
I liked this, MDdd. It has a nice, easy rhythm that flows smoothly. As for its purpose, I'm going to take a wild guess on that. Is it about... how water is Life because we are born in our mothers' wombs, which is filled with water, and water is Death because... we drown? Lol I don't know. That's what I got, so please correct me if I'm wrong.
Nice work. ^_^
~*Syd*~