Hiya Moosic!
just look at me through your glass.
I second Jon's opinion. That line is too long, and seems to slow the flow. Not good!
through the rain or the sunshine.
You can get rid of the second "the".
give me just a parting glance.
I think you can add "please" to the beginning of this line, instead of "give" try replacing it with the word "cast", and get rid of the word "just". So it would look like this;
please cast me a parting glance.
Over-all
A cute and funny poem! I loved the rhythmic tone you used- it almost felt like a children's song! Gold star
~April
Points: 5388
Reviews: 196
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