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I dream.

by Muse


I dream of becoming evil
Dangerous
A hazard to insects
Small animals
And children
The sawn step on the evolutionary ladder.
Indulging amidst
Huge purple velvety leaves,
Bulging seed pods,
Slender creepers the texture of human lips
Prickly hairs
Beaklike thorns
A fortress of botanical nastiness
I would be a blot upon the landscape
A visual tactile
An indelible vulgarity
I would be complete


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Wed Aug 12, 2020 3:25 am
VioletFantasy wrote a review...



Hello!

VioletFantasy here to review this cool little poem you wrote. I really enjoyed it! I think we all wonder at some point in our lives what it would be like if we didn’t behave and acted rude all of the time. This poem really grasps that concept. I feel like it would be a lot easier to forget about all of the niceties and just say whatever we want. But alas, we must have manners.

“ I dream of becoming evil
Dangerous
A hazard to insects
Small animals
And children”

This is definitely my favorite part of the poem. It almost made me laugh out loud(which makes me sound horrible)! The ultimate form of evil is being a danger to children, due to their associations with innocence and hope. You worded this perfectly!

The rest of the poem was amazing as well as slightly eerie. You did a wonderful job of using imagery to describe what evilness is like, especially in this line: “ A fortress of botanical nastiness”. I imagine everything that is bad in the world all in that fortress.

Overall, this was an awesome poem. I couldn’t find any grammar or spelling mistakes in it, so congrats on that! I hope that I will get to read more of your work!!




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Tue May 06, 2008 12:54 am
zoeybird13024 says...



Beautiful and wicked! I was just singing "Wicked" songs a minute ago and this poem reminded me of Elphaba. (But enough about me!) I don't have any nitpicks whatsoever with this poem! It was wonderfully put together! I loved it!




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Tue May 06, 2008 12:46 am
thewritingdoc wrote a review...



You don't really have much puncuationg here...


you may want to work on that.
Personally, I suck at that myself but you may want to contact Jabberhut.

She'll set you right up.
She's great.


I feel like from the beginning I need more description.

Your beginning is weak to me because it's very short and choppy and my mind begins to wonder because your not specific enough in your descriptions.

I dream of becoming evil
Dangerous
A hazard to insects
Small animals (what kind of small animals?)
And children ( there are so many words to describe beautiful childrennn... dont be scared..)



Anways, overall very sweet good piece I really enjoyed it

Just work on the things I told you.
If you need any help please dont hesitate to PM me!



Bye,,


TP!!


:)
☻☻♥

8/10




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Sun Feb 03, 2008 5:57 pm
Muse says...



Its not inedible lol, its indelible. Meaning "cannot be removed". Thanks for the comment though after all this time. x




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Fri Feb 01, 2008 3:14 pm
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LoveableLittleSock wrote a review...



I dream of becoming evil
Dangerous
A hazard to insects - ... "to insects"?
Small animals
And children
The sawn step on the evolutionary ladder.
Indulging amidst
Huge purple velvety leaves,
Bulging seed pods,
Slender creepers the texture of human lips
Prickly hairs
Beaklike thorns
A fortress of botanical nastiness
I would be a blot upon the landscape
A visual tactile
An indelible vulgarity - vulgarity isn't edible in the first place...
I would be complete

Fast paced... but I don't believe most of the descriptive words you used, you are aware of the meaning. Inedible vulgarity? And isn't everybody a hazard to insects? But whatever :) I enjoyed it nevertheless, and you're a pretty good poet. KEEP WRITING!!!




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Sat Jan 22, 2005 10:40 am
Wulie says...



I'm sorry but this poem doesn't grab me either its just too fast but good job for trying
Wu x




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Sat Jan 22, 2005 4:38 am
Incandescence wrote a review...



Well, here comes Mr. Cynical.

This poem was stupid. Fast-paced? Yes. Moving? Yes. Gripping? Yes. Purposeful? Not by any means. It doesn't chill me like the ending tells me it should, which in turn says that you didn't do your job. I think you were attempting to purvey the "evil" side of humanity in this poem, but you just presented your evil side.

And saying evilness makes you complete is absurd. You sound like one of those gothic-wannabe's who writes screeds of poetry that in the end will fall in a garbage can when you turn 16 and realize how silly it was. It's a good start, but then, what could I expect from someone whose nickname is Muse?




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Sat Jan 22, 2005 4:26 am
Sam says...



very witty...prickly. :D I'm frantically going through to try and find something to nag you about but there's nothing...cool poem, anyway.




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Sat Jan 22, 2005 4:22 am
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nickelpickle says...



*evil laugh* i loved it...fascinatingly evil...lol




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Thu Jan 20, 2005 1:01 pm
Chevy says...



Oh, and I do have a suggestion...you should probably change the title...it seems to me, a little out of place.




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Fri Dec 10, 2004 10:18 pm
Elelel says...



I like it too! THe pace is good, and I just like it how it talks about being evil. Everyone has that dream sometime...




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Fri Dec 10, 2004 9:46 pm
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Myriadne says...



I really liked this, you have some fantastic lines in here like: "A visual tactile", I prefer the second half of the poem. To me the first half seems a bit stilted and just doesn't flow as nicely. Overall however I think this is a brilliant piece.




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Thu Dec 09, 2004 7:53 pm
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Chevy says...



very creative and fast-paced and ultra wicked (wicked is good).
way beyond awesome, muse! luvvit!
"The sawn step on the evolutionary ladder. " hmm...sounds familiar, lol





It takes as much imagination to create debt as to create income.
— Leandro Orr