Mei's Escape 2

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Chapter 2: The Strange Day

It was the day after Da Quian’s friends had come over for the evening meal, and Da Quian was still asleep. But I wasn’t. I was lying down in my bed, thinking about what I could do with my life rather than waste it with Da Quian. I was afraid that I would never get out of this place.

“Mei!” Obviously, Lord Da Quian had awaken.

I ran downstairs to him and his extremely thunderous mouth.

But he was still in his bedroom, and he told me I was not allowed in his quarters.

“Yes, my Lord?” I inquired, careful not to step in.

“Ah, Da Mei, come in!” he said; had he lost his mind?

“Yes, my Lord?”

“I want you to paint me a picture,” he said. “A picture of a cherry tree.”

“But Lord Da Quian!” I objected. “I do not paint very well.”

“I didn’t say it had to be a good picture.” He smiled. He was never as carefree and easy on me as this.

“Yes, my Lord,” I said, bowing my head. “I will do as you command.”

“Call me Da Quian,” he said. “Mei, I am sorry for my behavior yesterday. It was wrong.” His mood had changed from what seemed like he had lost his mind to a very solemn and serious mood.

“You are forgiven.”

He smiled, then laid his head back and closed his eyes. I walked out of his room, surprised and confused. He had never apologized before.

I went upstairs to the room where he kept the paint, brushes, and scrolls to paint on.

I took hold of five colors: green for grass, brown for the trunk, red and white to mix for the cherry blossoms, and blue for the sky.

I then grasped a scroll and two brushes, one thick and one thinner to do details.

I went to my quarters and sat down on one of the seats he had gotten me. And then I began painting.

The grass had begun to look more like grass than a multitude of green lines. I dipped the brush in water to get rid of the green. And then I painted the trunk of the tree. I cleaned the brown off of the brush. I mixed red and white to make the soft pink color of a cherry blossom next. The sky, with clouds, finishes the painting Lord Da Quian asked for.

It took two long hours, but as I look at the painting, it makes me feel a sense of pride and accomplishment. It has made me feel as if I am worth something.

“Mistress Da Mei?” asked one of my Lord’s servants.

“Yes, Shu Lan, it is I,” I respond. “What is the matter?”

“Nothing, Mistress, but Lord Da Quian has instructed you to get ready,” he replied. “And then he wants you to show him the painting if it is ready.”

“Is that all?”

“Yes, Mistress.”

“Well, then, thank you,” I said, and he bowed humbly. “I will be down in a moment.”

I washed myself and then put on my kimono. It was grass green and was decorated with cherry blossoms that were sewn into the silk.

“Mei!” called Da Quian. “Are you dressed yet, my dear?”

My dear? He was treating me like a queen. But I didn’t understand it at all.

I walked to the dining area, with the painting in my hand.

“Lord Da Quian,” I said, bowing humbly. “I have brought you the painting you requested.”

He took it from my hand and observed it closely. “Did you forget to tell me that you did not know how to paint?” he asked angrily.

“But my Lord! You said it did not have to be good.”

“Ha! Do you think you could fool me with your lies?”

“I am not lying, Lord Da Quian,” I insisted. “I would not lie to you.”

“Perhaps you would!”

“No, my Lord, I would not! Especially about a simple painting such as this!”

At this, Da Quian’s hand raised high, and before I could think, it struck my cheek. Hard.

“Insolence is not accepted!”

“My Lord, why did you strike me?” I choked and coughed and sputtered, and tears came streaming down the cheek that he had struck so

hard.

“Shut up!” he demanded. “I will have no more talk!”

“I will have no more mistreatment!” I said, not being able to think before I spoke. And again, his hand met my other cheek with great force.

I could not take it anymore. I ran to my quarters and locked the door with speed that I never thought I possessed.

“Mei, you get back here this instant!” he yelled, but I was not going to turn around. It was like being a pig led to slaughter willingly.

I sat down on my bed, thinking about what I could do. Escape from here was not an option. How could I make a living? How could I get enough money to put anything on the table? An unmarried woman was practically worthless.

How I longed to go back to my home! No rule of the Wu dynasty, and a peaceful living.

“What am I going to do?” I said, crying and burying my face in the sheet that was on the bed. “I cannot get out of this place! This…this…horrible, wretched place!”

And there I sat, sad and confused, hoping that some idea would just come into my brain, but I knew that the chances of that happening were slim.

“Mei!” thundered my Lord angrily. “Open the door this instant!”

I mustered up the courage to stand up to him. “No.” I fought back my tears. “You will only hurt me further!”

After a while, I finally heard footsteps. He had left. I opened the door slightly, peaking out. He was gone.

I let out a sigh of relief and closed the door back up.

All over a ridiculous painting, my pale cheeks had taken on a dark purplish blue color.

Comments & reviews · 6
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Munchkinzizzles
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I'll edit this one soon. Sorry it's taken me this long. :(

User avatar
MiaParamore
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Can't wait to read the next post.Complete it quickly!!!!!!

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MiaParamore
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hi
As I said earlier i like your way of writing and now youv'e become my favourite.Keep on going.Only one mistake:
"Mei!” Obviously, Lord Da Quian had awaken." I found this sentence forced and mis constructed.Pm me for next post.Keep going!!!!!!

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Apple
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As good as the last. You truly have talent, I found no mistakes so there is no need me to do a full checky thingy! Can't wait for the next one, tell me when its up again please...I am hooked! I hope she leaves him, he is an ass!

“Mei!” #0040FF ">Obviously, Lord Da Quian had awaken.


I found this sentence quite odd, and putting "obviously after the quotation marks is strange, making the whole sentence hard to read.

“Ah, Da Mei, come in!” he said; #0040FF ">had he lost his mind?

That should be brought down a line, since it is the protagonists thoughts and has nothing to do with the character that is speaking actions.


“I didn’t say it had to be a good picture.” He smiled. #0040FF ">He was never as carefree and easy on me as this.


Again, a new characters actions should be on a new line.

“Call me Da Quian,” he said. “Mei, I am sorry for my behavior yesterday. It was wrong.” #0040FF ">His mood had changed from what seemed like he had lost his mind to a very solemn and serious mood.


How does our protagonist know? And why is this connected with the paragraph where the character that isn't the protagonist spoke?

“You are forgiven.” He smiled, then laid his head back and closed his eyes.

I walked out of his room, surprised and confused. He had never apologized before.


Edited. :D

I went upstairs to the room where he kept the paint, brushes, and scrolls to #0040FF ">paint on.


You mentioned paint twice in this sentence, perhaps changing the second to another word that would imply that the girl is going to make art would fix this minor gripe, no? :P

I took hold of five colors: green for grass, brown for the trunk, red and#FF0000 ">, white to mix for the cherry blossoms, and blue for the sky.


Took out an "and" and added a comma in red. :)
The grass had begun to look more like grass than a multitude of green lines. I dipped the brush in water to get rid of the green. And then I painted the trunk of the tree. I cleaned the brown off of the brush. I mixed red and white to make the soft pink color of a cherry blossom next. The sky, with clouds#0040FF ">, #0040FF ">finishes the painting Lord Da Quian asked for.


For a second I thought that was a mistake, how about another word like, "completed" or "completes" :?: And, I don't think that second coma is needed.

It took two long hours, but as I look at the painting, it makes me feel a sense of pride and accomplishment. #0040FF ">It has made me feel as if I am worth something.


Awkwardly worded, how about: "It made me feel like I was worth something." :?:

I washed myself and then put on my kimono. It was grass green and was#FF0000 ">, decorated with cherry blossoms that were sewn into the silk.

Suggested edit. :D

My dear? He was treating me like a queen. #0040FF ">But I didn’t understand it at all.


Confused me a bit, please clarify.
:(

“Ha! Do you think you could fool me with your lies?”


Um, maybe you mentioned somewhere before that the "Lord" was forgetful, but I forgot. If you didn't then I hope you mention it later. If not, then I advice you add it earlier. This does create an element of suspense by the way. :twisted:

At this, Da Quian’s hand raised high, and before I could think, it struck my cheek. #0040FF ">Hard.


My gosh! This is supposed to be a climatic moment and you describe the slap simply as being "hard" how about something like, "She felt like she had been struck by a hammer" "The force made her head snap back" "Her cheeks throbbed painfully" or anything! There is no wrong description, except just "hard" :D :(

“Insolence is not accepted!”

“My Lord, why did you strike me?” I #008040 ">choked#FF0000 ">, and #008040 ">coughed#FF0000 ">, and #008040 ">sputtered, and tears came streaming down the cheek that he had struck so hard.


You have too many "and" and you have one too many things that the character did. Omit one please.
:)

I could not take it anymore. I ran to my quarters and locked the door with speed that I never thought #FF0000 ">did not know I possessed.


Suggested edit.


“Mei, you get back here this instant!” he yelled, but I was not going to turn around. It was like being a pig#FF0000 ">, willingly led to #FF0000 ">the slaughter willingly.


For some reason I'm starting to feel that your original version of this paragraph was better. You be the judge.

I sat down on my bed, thinking about what I could do. Escape from here was not an option. How could I make a living? How could I get enough money to put anything on the table? An unmarried woman was practically worthless.
#0040FF ">
How I longed to go back to my home!
No rule of the Wu dynasty, and a peaceful living.


So, she has a home? That kind of contradicts what she said in the previous sentence about not having anywhere to go. Maybe she didn't say exactly that, but it could be inferred from her thoughts, so she might as well have said it. :D

I mustered up the courage to stand up to him. “No.” I fought back my tears. “You will only hurt me further!”

All #0040FF ">over a ridiculous painting, my pale cheeks had taken on a dark purplish blue color.


Did you mean, "because of" :?: That would make more sense here if it replaced "over"


- :smt059



sometimes you just have to cry over spilled milk, and that is okay
— Youbeaucupid