The horizon a perfect red-orange
The ocean a deep blue
Under the arising moon and stars
I hear the crash of a wave behind me
I lay on my board and stare at the starry abyss
The gentle rock of the sea
As I stay afloat the wooden plank
Relaxed as ever
The sense of calm and pure bliss
On the shore I hear a light melody
I find a man sitting in the sand
In his hands is a guitar which he strums with grace
His milky brown hair brushing his cheeks
A light smile crawls to his lips as he waves me in
I meet him in the shallow depths of the shore
He embraces me gently sweeping strands of wet hair out of my eyes
His bright blue orbs gaze deep into brown ones
We stay magnetically held together
Enjoying the silence the scent the joy surrounding us
Nothing could dare to destroy this moment of my perfection
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hey there! Welcome to YWS!
This has good potential. but it needs a bit of revision.
I'm gonna do some suggestions. You don't have to change it. Or maybe use them in your one way. My thoguhts are in bold. They're mostly about punctuation.
This isn't bad. It's a good start.
The last stanzas lack of punctuation and are too long; it ruins the flow.
Those are my advices.
Keep writing!