Faces Show Different Emotions

Hi! I'll be reviewing for you today and I hope I can help out a bit.

First, this poem is rather short. It's always hard to review a meaningful poem when there's not that much to read. To go along with that, maybe choose a different title. The title doesn't really support your text and vise versa so consider descriptions that can help support your title. To go with Ryan, this also needs more information on the main character. It's hard to tell it as a third person, no? To help with also more emotion, try writing this again in first person and read it out loud. First person might be easier because this is based on "different emotions" and it's hard to get all the emotions through third person view.

Another thing just to be aware of is getting out the purpose for writing a poem. Most poems, it's easy to figure out what the author is trying to say. This one, is a challenge to get out the true meaning. Personally, I believe you should re-write the two last sentences because to me, it's hard to say.

Other than that, I think this poem also has a lot of potential and you should post another version! That way, all of us on YWS can see how much you've improved. I hope I helped!

I can't describe this poem in one word. Let me just say this. There are a TON of poems out there that are about suicide, or suicidal thoughts. If you write a poem about it, it has to be totally HOT to even be considered a good poem, only because there are so many other good ones out there on the same subject.

I think this poem has potential. It needs more details, though. Right now it's lacking in emotion a bit, and if you added more specific thoughts, (or details,) it wouldn't seem so distant or unattached.

Keep going. It's a good start.

--Clue.

P.S....


"Her face showed a different girl

A different girl than who she was inside.

Inside she was a girl sitting in the corner

Surrounded by a croud of people.--Croud should be crowd.

They keep telling her no

But she keeps threatening

To pull the trigger

To the gun pressed to her head--"To" sounds extremely repetitive. Try, "Of."

Knowing someday she'd truly do it."

Hmm.

This is a sad poem

The girl appears happy on the outside but really shes struggling within herself contemplating suicide? The people are her and her inner mind?

That is what I understood.

I can't give very much feedback on the technical aspects of the poem, but its possible a little more intro is needed, a little more about why she is contemplating suicide, a little more about the mask she hides behind.

Ryan