They say "girl toughen up".
Even though I've been roughed up.
I'm still going to cry and I don't know why.
I go to fight,My body freezes and I sigh.
I begin to gain more and more fright.
They made me once lose my sight.
So now I wear a disguise.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,005 Literary Works • 672,794 Reviews
Salutations, curious mind!
Rinisha is back here and ready to review 📚!
Buckle up, 'cause this is going to be a bumpy ride. I’m going to keep it short alright!✨
All in all
This party rocked, let's take a quick look!
I love the moral that this poem brings, it’s dark but it’s the harsh and brutal reality of humans and life. I can’t help but notice the little rhymes at the end, nice. This poem is an example of one of those caged girls who want to take risks, but are slammed so hard back that they are just afraid to set foot outside again.
I think you’ve chosen a very bold title: They say
The title only says a lot already.
I think it’s sad that the girl actually has to hide herself in order to be her true self. It’s kind of sad that this is the world of today. The world actually has to be a place where every child can play without worry, where mothers can be happy without thinking about what they are going to cook tomorrow, where fathers are actually around and spend time with their families.
This was very brave of you to share this poem on YWS. I hope everything turns out well in the end!
Have a nice day or night further! Keep writing! You are amazing!
Amazingly yours,
Rinisha – Be yourself and keep writing! 📖🎉
This piece is short but well-written. It portrays an engaging description of the girl's feelings in the situation. The use of the statement
"girl toughen up".
adds a layer of realism to the piece because it's a phrase I feel is very common nowadays. The following story of her reactions and subsequent need to
"Wear a disguise"
shows how many girls end up feeling like they need to hide themselves because of their innate sensitivity. It's a very engaging and well-written piece by the author and I greatly enjoyed reading it.
I like the introductory. It gives us a clue of what's to come.
I find it quite satisfying, the rhyme. We're introduced to the narrator, "I", in this poetry. It gives information of how "I" have been roughed up, and what she thinks when people tell her to toughen up.
This shows the desperation of the narrator.
I like these two sentences, as it shows how others words effected the girl. How the girl begins to get scared, and how *once* you lost your sight.
At the end, "I" starts to wear a disguise to cover up who she is because of others. I believe this poetry is to show how unnecessary it is for others to direct you and command you to do things that you aren't.
Overall, this is an amazing poetry. Keep writing!
Okay, so this leaves me wanting more! I really love the rhyme scheme and as another "girl", I understand the emotion and message relayed here. Women are expected to not be too sensitive, but not be too tough either. It's a horrible push and pull that is impossible to find the balance of to please others while maintaining truth for yourself. A lot of us "wear a disguise", male or female, because of this very tug-of-war. I say if you're still going to cry, let it out and wear it proud. Emotions are a part of who we are as human-beings and we are each allowed to feel whatever it is in that moment. It's nice to see other YSW users also struggling internally but not necessarily letting others know that. Writing is such a great way to release those feelings so that the load is a little lighter. My only critique is that I wish this elaborated a little more. I enjoyed the read though!
Hello! Here to leave a review.
Well, personally I can relate to this (to an extent- though may not necessarily be similar things), and I do hope you will feel okay soon; I don't really know how console people, so I will just refer to the other user's comment, sorry. Well, I like that it is short, since it is easier to read and digest the meaning of the poem more intricately for the reader, but at the same time it could potentially be a bit longer. I feel like more clarification is needed- unless you're not comfortable, of course- or if this is fictional, then maybe some more detail/imagery is required- how has the character been "roughed up"? Maybe not exact details, necessarily, but in general some imagery would add to its already decent emotional intensity. Furthermore, I like the rhyme scheme; it was consistent throughout.
Welcome to YWS, and keep writing!
Emilia
Hey there! This is loveissourgrapes and I am here to review/comment your poem. It's short and sweet yet has a great message. The lines also rhyme well together. Welcome to YWS too<3
You wear a mask and a disguise now because of the bad things they say to you. People tell people like you to fight and be strong. Even if you cry and are weak, they tell you over and over again. But then, I hope you grow out of this because things will definitely get better. Don't hide and be afraid. No mater how weak you are, you will be stronger in the future too. And prove this people right, don't prove them wrong.
I hope you are okay. And this poem is really short but I find it great for a first time YWSer. Keep it up! Have a nice day/night!