Published December 3, 2014
Beneath the Autumn,
lies a man, to cherish life,
destroyed by them.
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Canary word: Present
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141,264 Literary Works • 674,331 Reviews
Hey you,
Well, reviewing this is kind of hard. Not really sure how could someone dare to write a review about 3 verses.
Still, the message is clear enough and the fact you didn't care about the length on it shows this "rebel" side which you could use a little often to take structure out of poems and write the world as you see it, by your own rules.
It actually speaks a lot about yourself.
Good luck and keep on writing!
Haha well thanks
got to keep practicing in order to express myself to the fullest.
I actually really like this poem. It's short, simple (but complex also?), and rhymes. Not many poems need centered really, it's not necessary, but it really works for this poem, and every poet has their own style! I feel centering works for short poems, rather then long ones!
I do see errors though, the b I think was meant to say by. Also, you capitalized destroyed, which should be in lowercase.
If you ever want to look a little further into poetry styles and such, check out viewforum.php?f=152 .
Keep writing!
- Phoenix
Yeah I noticed them afterwords the mistakes, not exactly use to using a laptop specially since it's not mine to begin with but thanks comments are always nice to look at and improve upon yourself.
Hey there!
I'm here to review, even though I'm not sure how much of a review I can give on a piece so short. First off, if you want to edit your piece, on the right hand column beside your work, there's a button that says "Edit work" And you can fix that tiny problem of no y after the b.
Second of all, I'm not sure why you chose to center your poem. It doesn't add anything, and honestly, here on YWS we really don't like stuff like that. It's frowned upon in an actual workplace if you ever go to submit somewhere, and we like to prepare you for the real world as much as possible. So if I were you, I would un-center it.
Third of all, I have a problem with your wording in the first and third like. "Beneath the Autumn" makes me think of something singular, while "Destroyed by them" is plural. Aesthetically, it doesn't do much for me. If it was "destroyed by me" or "himself" or something, it would work much better for this tiny poem. The "to cherish life" makes no sense grammatically or in general. You switch tenses and it just doesn't make sense even if you switch the tense to 'cherishing' not 'cherish'. What does him cherishing life have to do with being destroyed? Or Autumn, for that matter? Your poem is so short your ideas have to be concise and make sense. These are neither. If you're going to do a poem like this, it has to make sense, or there's no point to it.
That's all I got for you, see ya around, and welcome again to YWS!
Sparks
It is so so tiny!!!!!
Why don't you make it big enough? yes, it can be mystery or suspense, call it anything, but make it big, add few more lines!
it's surely a suspense. add few more lines, please.
by*