Chapter One- Traust
Einarr was sitting beside the fire. The wind of the eastern world like a tide; washing up the debris of leaves and rustling the water of the nearby stream. The various salmon skimming the water's surface as they made their way to the fimilar valley where the bears and the eagles roamed free as they should. Bjorn came into Einaar field of vision.
"How many did you catch then brother, hmm?" Said Einaar as he saw Bjorn emptying his bags that produced a number of the slamon which just hours ago had been, like their brothers, skimming the waters surface.
"Eight or more." Said Bjorn as he put four of the creatures into another wooden box which sat comfortably in the corner of the room.
"Where is Leifr?" Said Einaar who was looking quite cautiously at the entrance of the Tepee.
"I think he went upstream, to find richer pickings." Said Bjorn as he pulled off his heavy bear skin coat and placed in its place a small wooden necklace with a carved wooden bear which showed the spirit of the bear.
Eira looked around herself, turning carefully on one foot. The forest fall crackling under her feet.
She ran from the big oak tree down towards the little stream, a small off "pool" from the titanic salmon stream that ran about three hundred metres left of the "pool".
"M???ðir..." she yelled as she ran, "Mother!" she yelled again.
As she ran she heard her mother’s voice, comforting and warm like a summer’s day.
“Dóttir…” She called across the forest, “Daughter…” she called again.
After another three moments of running the two wanderers met just on the edge of the forest and about five hundred metres from their settlement.
“Where have you been?!” said Kelda as she held her daughter to her chest.
Eira looked upwards towards her mother’s confused place, “I cannot tell you mother.”
Kelda’s body moved into a more angry structure, her hand on her hip and her other pointing towards Eira.
“Now young one, tell me where have you been!”
Eira looked at her mother for about twenty seconds and then whispered, “Near the spirit wall…”
As she spoke she moved into a more sorrow tone.
Kelda at hearing this gasped and immediately said in an angry tone of voice “NEVER, ever go to that wall Kelda! Okay.” As she spoke she saw her daughter’s face drop to the ground.
“I’m sorry mother, really I am.” Whispered Eira. Kelda looked at her daughter and bent down until her face was level to Eira’s.
“I know you are, I know you are.”
The two walked down to the “collection” of tepee’s and continued their daily chores.
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125,012 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Okay this is nice, but I did find a few places where is was a little confusing.
Let's take a look at the first paragraph,
"The wind of the eastern world like a tide; washing up the debris of leaves and rustling the water of the nearby stream. The various salmon skimming the water's surface as they made their way to the familiar valley where the bears and the eagles roamed free as they should. Bjorn came into Einaar field of vision."
The part first sentence seemed a bit unclear, what did you exactly mean by that sentence?
I think is should be 'Swirled' not 'world'.
Next you can cut off 'various' when you were describing Salmon. and it should be skimmed not skimming.
And I think that the dialogue seemed a bit flat. you could add a few more sentences and improve it.
And the repetition here, made me a little uncomfortable, just change it a bit
“I know you are, I know you are.”
Anyway this is an interesting piece,
Never stop writing!!!