It was strange sneaking into his house with the mindset I had, as I have never killed before. I could smell the scent of rotting wood and see only the light of which my lamp illuminated. But other than that, there was nothing. I heard nothing, but the crickets in the distance and an occasional creak of the floorboards below me. I felt nothing even though I was about to seek revenge on the one who stole my parents and to find answers about where they are. I had been on this search for over a year, traveling over vast jungles and large deserts, such as the Silk Road where I hid in caravans stealing only as much food as was needed to survive. But now I am here, finally able to see my parents, at last.
I remember going down the hall and opening a door and seeing a room that distinguished a bedroom, and there he was after all this time. I have finally found him. I remember getting ready to kill him. There I was, sword in hand. My plan was to kill him and look for the room where my parents were being held. After I lifted my hands, sword clenched between them, a weird feeling came over me and something in my gut told me to make sure they were there first. So, that is exactly what I did. I remember looking in every nook and cranny noticing nothing but the smell of gunpowder? My parents were nowhere to been seen so I went back into the room where he laid there unaware of what was about to happen.
I put the blade up to his throat being careful not to cut him. If he were to wake up, he could not get away and immediately his eyes shot open. I could see in his eyes he was scared, he said, “please don’t hurt me, take whatever you want” and then he looked at me a little harder and I thought he looked scared before. This was a whole new level of fear and I could tell he remembered who I was. After he realized who I was, he said something that shocked me and it was not what he said that shocked me, it was how he said it. He said, “I’m sorry” but the way he said it, I could tell he was not talking about taking my parents. So, I asked a question he already knew was coming, “where are they” and he replied saying, “I used them as slaves for a while but they refused to work, so I killed them”. In that moment I felt something deep inside of me. Something I couldn’t control and it stills scares me. An anger I have never felt before, and like that, with one swing of the sword, he was dead. I still did not feel any better. It all started to become a bit of a blur after that. All I remember is a lot of destruction. I broke everything in sight but as my sword was slashing through everything I could break, there is one thing I remember, the scent of gunpowder. As I swung at one of many barrels he had in a room at the opposite side of the hallway creating a huge cloud of smoke, I noticed that he had all these barrels filled with gunpowder. In that moment, something hit my leg and I discovered it was a small book that had made its way out of the barrel. In that book were journal entries and I was able to determine who had kidnapped my parents. His name was Lee Langang and he was in the trade industry. So, why did he steal my parents? That was the question I kept asking myself.
I went through the entire book and by the time I was finished, it was nearly morning and that is when I saw something that caught my eye. I saw my parents names at the end of the book which were listed under his recently traded items! So many thoughts were going through my head but one of the biggest ones is why would someone want my parents specifically? I found a log and a map of where the trade went down. It took place at a harbour and they were sold to someone who works at sea. So like any good son would do, I followed the map. I followed it all the way up to this moment and finally I am here after four treacherous long years. I am finally here.
Those two years were most definitely not easy as I had to deal with extremely cold temperatures and I am wanted for the murder of Lee Hong and have had to steal more than ever. But the thing that kept me going on this journey, was that I found something in the journal while on this trip. It was the name of the person who bought my parents. His name was Ying. So what I have to go off of is this man’s name. Ying works as a sea captain, so maybe I should start by asking if anybody knows him? This harbor is small and the town has many distinctive aromas. It smells of oceans sea water and the stench of 2 week old fish is overwhelming, but it is a nice little town and harbor. Maybe after this is all over, I can live here. I asked over 100 people today and nobody seemed to know who I was talking about. Turning around I see something rather odd; a man probably around the age of thirty was looking at me strangely and then waved his hand signaling me to come to him, so I did. “Are you looking for a captain named Ying?” asked the man. His voice was very raspy like when you scream and it causes hoarseness, but something tells me that is just how his voice is. I replied to him saying, “Yes, do you know him?” He replied to me and said, “not any more, I used to work on his ship but I know how you can find him because I still have a map of his route.” He gave me the map and I responded by saying, “thank you, but why are you helping me?” He replied by saying, “because I know what he took,” then he pushed me into to the crowd and when I turned around, he was gone. I examine the map carefully. It is definitely a map of the seas. The question is, how will I get a ship to follow his route? That is it! I will steal one, just like everything else I have had to steal. I will wait until night. Think about it, me, Chang Hong, captain of a ship! Well, a stolen ship, but at least I will be able to find my parents! I wonder if they will even be alive still? Well, standing here is not helping, I will need to plan. I will need a lot of food and who knows how long this will take? I will need a way to get food on the water so I will sleep now and wait until night to steal a boat and food for my journey,
I sleep on the ground in an alleyway and wake up around midnight. The crowd has left and the streets are empty. This is probably a good time to go steal the supplies I need. While walking alongside the harbour, I see a ship that will be perfect for me. It is more of a large boat, but it will be perfect. So, I go to a nearby bakery and find a way in, but before I go in, I scope the perimeter to make sure no one was outside. I don’t see anyone when I get in and I steal a lot of bread, rice and fresh water. I have it in a big pile and I go into the back room and there was a man who looked very old. He must be the shop owner and he looked like he was not in a very deep sleep and on the other side of the room there were extra blankets. So, I start to move as quietly as I could but these floor boards seem older and creaked more. He started to wake, so I grabbed the blankets and went back to the front of the store and I left a note that read, “Dear owner of this fine shop: Please do not be alarmed by the stolen goods. I promise to restore the same amount of goods I stole and a little extra for the inconvenience.” I left the store by the time I gathered up all the goods and put them on the boat. It was nearing five in the morning and so I set off, following the map. It might take weeks it might take months,maybe even years, but I will find them.
I will find my parents.
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Greetings,
I have to say that I very much enjoyed your story. Your descriptions are very well rounded. Giving enough for a wonderful picture but not so much so that it weighs down the story. There is a good balance to it. It is something that I am still working on myself.
I do have a concern in that the first half of your story, I realized that it was the main character talking about something that he has already done, and yet it is all spoken in present tense. It was a little confusing when I got to the part that said, "I am finally here." I thought that the tale started with entering the man's house but it really is a flashback. It may have just been me.
There is a good flow to this story, it doesn't really hold up anywhere or get bogged down. Keeping the ball rolling was very good in this story. I would be careful of your run-on sentences. There weren't many and it is something that would be easily overlooked.
It is a great story, almost like it is the beginning of novel or series of short stories. I look forward to what you write next. Thanks for sharing this with us.
Happy Writing!
Wow, lot of emotions in the story. Good writing and the ending sentence was just begging for a sequel. Just little problems. There were some run-on sentences and a few capitalization errors...but I should be one to talk. Anyways, nice story and I hope there's more!
Still Rowing Mah Boat,
RowMahBoat
I like a type of story that is adventures and when they are tring to look for his parents and then they meet people dearing the journy
It might take weeks it might take months,maybe even years, but I will find them.I will find my parents.
I don't think that the perosn in the story should have killed the guy, I think he should have let him go and see what he does
I put the blade up to his throat being careful not to cut him. If he were to wake up, he could not get away and immediately his eyes shot open. I could see in his eyes he was scared, he said, “please don’t hurt me, take whatever you want” and then he looked at me a little harder and I thought he looked scared before. This was a whole new level of fear and I could tell he remembered who I was. After he realized who I was, he said something that shocked me and it was not what he said that shocked me, it was how he said it. He said, “I’m sorry” but the way he said it, I could tell he was not talking about taking my parents. So, I asked a question he already knew was coming, “where are they” and he replied saying, “I used them as slaves for a while but they refused to work, so I killed them”. In that moment I felt something deep inside of me. Something I couldn’t control and it stills scares me. An anger I have never felt before, and like that, with one swing of the sword, he was dead.
I wonder if he could have not stolen from the orwers food
“Dear owner of this fine shop: Please do not be alarmed by the stolen goods. I promise to restore the same amount of goods I stole and a little extra for the inconvenience.” I left the store by the time I gathered up all the goods and put them on the boat. It was nearing five in the morning and so I set off, following the map.
I thing if he could not have destroyed some thing
All I remember is a lot of destruction. I broke everything in sight but as my sword was slashing through everything I could break, there is one thing I remember, the scent of gunpowder. As I swung at one of many barrels he had in a room at the opposite side of the hallway creating a huge cloud of smoke, I noticed that he had all these barrels filled with gunpowder.
I like a type of story that is adventures and when they are tring to look for his parents and then they meet people dearing the journy
It might take weeks it might take months,maybe even years, but I will find them.I will find my parents.
I don't think that the perosn in the story should have killed the guy, I think he should have let him go and see what he does
I put the blade up to his throat being careful not to cut him. If he were to wake up, he could not get away and immediately his eyes shot open. I could see in his eyes he was scared, he said, “please don’t hurt me, take whatever you want” and then he looked at me a little harder and I thought he looked scared before. This was a whole new level of fear and I could tell he remembered who I was. After he realized who I was, he said something that shocked me and it was not what he said that shocked me, it was how he said it. He said, “I’m sorry” but the way he said it, I could tell he was not talking about taking my parents. So, I asked a question he already knew was coming, “where are they” and he replied saying, “I used them as slaves for a while but they refused to work, so I killed them”. In that moment I felt something deep inside of me. Something I couldn’t control and it stills scares me. An anger I have never felt before, and like that, with one swing of the sword, he was dead.
I wonder if he could have not stolen from the orwers food
“Dear owner of this fine shop: Please do not be alarmed by the stolen goods. I promise to restore the same amount of goods I stole and a little extra for the inconvenience.” I left the store by the time I gathered up all the goods and put them on the boat. It was nearing five in the morning and so I set off, following the map.
I thing if he could not have destroyed some thing
All I remember is a lot of destruction. I broke everything in sight but as my sword was slashing through everything I could break, there is one thing I remember, the scent of gunpowder. As I swung at one of many barrels he had in a room at the opposite side of the hallway creating a huge cloud of smoke, I noticed that he had all these barrels filled with gunpowder.