Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Drip.Drip.Drip.I lie there. A thick substance grasping at my arm.A pungent smell viciously attacks the senses in my nose.I blink. Disorientated.Where am I? I stand,spinning around frantically like a mad lunitic trying to get my bearings.I soon realise I'm in the sewers.My feet sink deep into the grasping hands of the sewage.I cry out for help.No one can hear me.My shaking legs steadily pace forward as I make way down the tunnel. A eeriness fills the air.I stumble.I expect a arm to penetrate the surface and grab me by the ankle and pull me into the murky sludge below.I notice up ahead the tunnel splits into a crossroad.As I stumble forward I hear the sounds of the bustling city above.My mind swirls as I process all the ideas of "How I got into this place" and "Why am I here".I reach the crossroads.I turn left.My gut screams at me "Wrong choice."

Although my gut screams at me I am content with my choice as there is a narrow path running down the side of the rotten sludge. The path is relatively clean to say it is in a sewer. I carefully edge myself forward, the path slimy and slippy.I look ahead.The tunnel seems to go on for ever but at the very end I can see a glimpse of what looks like an...opening! I steadily start sprint but in a split second I realise its too slippy. I lose my footing and fall face first into the sewage . I think to myself "Whats the rush?If I'm not careful I'm going to end up breaking my neck and dyeing here."

Suddenly, I hear multiple screams of pure terror from the city above. I can barely make out the words but the word I can make out was vital."Tsunami!!!".Damn.I have to run now. Its a matter of life or death.I hear the man holes being ripped up and the rush of water pummel towards me.I run.

Running as fast as I can see the opening coming ever closer.I don't know what the opening is or what I hope it is but I have no choice.I run.My feat beat the ground,squelching in the sewage.I reach the opening.Its a twenty foot drop.Ive ran out of options. I turn to see the water rush towards me like a predator attacks its prey.It's inevitable! It hits me.I fall.The world goes black.

Hello,

So this piece was... something.

I'm honestly not 100% sure what it was. First, character wakes up in the sewer (??), then gets the hell out of there (cuz obviously), then there's a tsunami? I'm befuddled. You know what this reminded me of? A dream. You know, because dreams always happen like this: one weird event leads into another, and the two are rarely connected and almost never make sense. That is exactly how one could describe this piece.

Now, don't get me wrong: That's not exactly a bad thing. I happen to enjoy short stories—or any type of story—that leaves me with questions. I like mystery, vagueness; I like when writers don't spell everything out and leave their work open to interpretation. It's stylistic and it's stylish, so I'm not going to criticize that choice.

All that said... this was maybe a little more random and vague than necessary. I would've liked Rhyme and/or Reason to at least make one cursory appearance. But that's just me. I'm sure many others found the nonsensical weirdness of it to be charming. I mean, the previous, glowingly positive reviews seem to suggest that.

I'll also say that I think you pull off this style of writing—strange, offbeat, confusing writing—pretty well. It was presented in a way that felt deliberate and quirky, and that's great. But this piece was also very rough, and I think I ought to address that.

As Aleta mentioned, the spacing was weird. Here's the rule: When you write a complete sentence (e.g., "I ate a blackberry."), you have to have a space following the period and before the next sentence begins. So rather than write, "I ate a blackberry.It rained today," you should write: "I ate a blackberry. It rained today." See how much nicer that looks with a space in between those two sentences?

You also have several misspellings, an assortment of missing apostrophes, and just general grammatical screwiness. I'll get to that in a minute. For now, let's focus on the meat of this story.

One big issue you have is your habit to tell rather than show. If you don't know what telling vs showing means, a quick Google search will clear it up for you, and your writing will be much, much better with that knowledge. Another issue—which goes hand in hand with telling-rather-than-showing—is your pacing. It's rushed. This piece was very, very short, and it's not because nothing happens but rather because you speed through everything that does happen. This is written in a way that's teetering quite close to summarizing territory, more an overview of a story than an actual story. I want details! I want imagery! I want to see what's happening, not just hear about it secondhand. You know?

Even if you intentionally chose to have this piece be a dreamlike mess of unconnected events and craziness, that doesn't mean you should have these sequences feel totally removed from one another. You've got to work on your flow, which means getting these events to flow into each other in a way that reads well and feels natural.

Now let's get to some nitpicks:

like a mad lunitic

I soon realise I'm in the sewers.

A eeriness fills the air.

My mind swirls as I process all the ideas of "How I got into this place" and "Why am I here".

The path is relatively clean to say it is in a sewer. I carefully edge myself forward, the path slimy and slippy.

The tunnel seems to go on for ever

I steadily start sprint

I realise its too slippy.

Whats the rush?

and dyeing here.

Suddenly, I hear multiple screams of pure terror from the city above.

I can barely make out the words but the word I can make out was vital.

"Tsunami!!!".

rush of water pummel

Ive ran out of options.

Hey,here for a review. I notice you have a problem with periods here/and or spacing apparently? Also, why did you indent on the last few paragraphs? Just wondering. Here, I'll fix it for:

Drip, drip, drip. I lie there. A thick substance grasped at my arm. A pungent smell viciously attacks the senses in my nose. I blink, disoriented. Where am I? I stand, spinning around frantically like a madman trying to get my bearings together. I soon realise I am in the sewers. My feet sink deep into the grasping hands of the sewage. I cry out for help but nobody hears me. My shaking legs steadily pace forward as I make way down the tunnel. An eeriness fills the air. I stumble. I expect an arm to penetrate the surface and grab me by the ankle and pull me into the murky sludge below. I notice up ahead the tunnel into a crossroad. I process all the ideas of, how did I get into this place? Why am I here? I reach the crossroads. I turn left. Wrong choice.

Basically the same difficulties throughout the entire thing. Otherwise the piece is fine.

Hey, Aleta here for a review. I notice you have a problem with periods here/and or spacing apparently? Also, why did you indent on the last few paragraphs? Just wondering. Here, I'll fix it for you:

Drip, drip, drip. I lie there. A thick substance grasped at my arm. A pungent smell viciously attacks the senses in my nose. I blink, disoriented. Where am I? I stand, spinning around frantically like a madman trying to get my bearings together. I soon realise I am in the sewers. My feet sink deep into the grasping hands of the sewage. I cry out for help but nobody hears me. My shaking legs steadily pace forward as I make way down the tunnel. An eeriness fills the air. I stumble. I expect an arm to penetrate the surface and grab me by the ankle and pull me into the murky sludge below. I notice up ahead the tunnel splits into a crossroad. I process all the ideas of, how did I get into this place? Why am I here? I reach the crossroads. I turn left. Wrong choice.

Basically the same difficulties throughout the entire thing. Otherwise the piece is fine.

Hello MrBarcher!

Your story is excellent! It is very well written and the use of language is intriguing yet modern enough not to overwhelm the readers. Your use of punctuation is also very good as it adds to the 'hit' the action scenes deliver and the use of short sentences brings the readers into the story and keeps it fast paced.
I have noticed that there are, however, a few grammatical errors and confusing sentences, but they do not seem to disrupt the story overall as I only noticed them when reading it over for a second time. I would recomend you continue to edit your stories more and focus purely on the spelling and sentence structure, but I understand how easy it is to look over these things when writing such a fast paced text.
I would also love to read a more original story from you. The twist of being stuck in a sewer in the middle of a tsunami was excellent but I felt it rang all too familiar with short stories of running from monsters which eventually win, which are done to death at this point (and which I must admit I've written a fair amount of myself).
Overall I found your story a very easy and entertaining read and would love to read more from you in the future!

Cody L. Pearce

Here's some review for you.

Okay, it's a great story. There were a few errors, though.

"I lie there a thick substance grasping at my arm"
I feel like this sentence could have been structured better.

Throughout there were a few spelling errors that I think you could fix after a proofread or two.

Overall, I like how you presented being trapped in the sewers with an unavoidable way to get out.

AnnMath

Here's some review for you.

Okay, it's a great story. There were a few errors, though.

"I lie there a thick substance grasping at my arm"
I feel like this sentence could have been structured better.

Throughout there were a few spelling errors that I think you could fix after a proofread or two.

Overall, I like how you presented being trapped in the sewers with an unavoidable way to get out.

AnnMath