A Haiku

by Mr.Knightley

Published February 18, 2010

In Edgar Allen Poetry

Here's the haiku I did for the Writing Olympics! Tell me what you think. :D

Water turns to flame
As the sun begins to bleed;
Silver moonlight reigns.

Comments & reviews · 5
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antimelrose
Review
antimelrose wrote a review Review · Feb 20, 2010

Oh, I guessed right about the sun "over the ocean"! I think Monet did a picture that brings this exact image to mind. As for the final line, a word other than "silver" would be nice, only because moonlight is so commonly associated with that particular word for the color.

Overall, decent.

See you around.

–antimelrose

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Mr.Knightley
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Mr.Knightley commented Comment · Feb 19, 2010

Thanks for the feedback, you guys. I'm glad you liked it. :D

Rakun: It's describing the sunset over the ocean, and how the light changes its color. :wink:

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MattJF
Review
MattJF wrote a review Review · Feb 19, 2010

I love Haiku's but I can never write them. You clearly can. I loved every single word. The vision was fantastic. In Haiku's you have to use every word to its full potential. I think you have achieved this. But I'm curious to know what inspired you to write this? Anyways please pm me if you need help with anything. Well done!! :elephant:

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Rakun
Review
Rakun wrote a review Review · Feb 19, 2010

I really loved it, but my question remains on the first sentence "Water ... flame..."
I mean, I can relate the sun with red color so it bleed.
Then, the silver is also related to the moon on some way.
How about the water? You want to tell that the water turn into it parallel version, right?.
I really love haikus, but I did not have write one yet.



I do all of the training for Walgreen’s cashiers.
— The Devil