Published August 3, 2005
Here's a short poem. I titled it "Hope and Despair," and it's sort of about feeling defeated and alone. Let me know what you think.
Hope, so evasive and fleeting
In a world so cruel and callous
With only pieces of broken heroes
Somewhere deep inside
Flames fighting to burn a little
Despair, so broodingly imminent
It comes all too easily
When there is no comfort to be found
For those aching bruises on our hearts
Except what can be found within ourselves
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It was elegant and, overall, was nice. I agree with Writersdomain about the second line, though I thought the rest was fine.
I enjoyed this poem for the most part, but had a few suggestions
Hope, so evasive and fleeting (beautiful beginning)
In a world so cruel and callous (Okay, cruel and callous are good words but they don't seem alive in this line. They seem like they are just describing world and don't seem to paint a picture. Perhaps 'In a world abounding in cruelty, callousing the good around it' or something like that. Anything to make it seem more alive)
With only pieces of broken heroes (I love this line)
Somewhere deep inside (Good, but I suggest not making it so vague. Perhaps you could describe it as being beneath something rather than just 'deep inside')
Flames fighting to burn a little (Good thought, but the 'a little' ruined it for me)
Despair, so broodingly imminent (nice words)
It comes all too easily (very nice)
When there is no comfort to be found
For those aching bruises on our hearts (I think you should use a more extreme word than bruises because they sound just like ordinary bruises. Perhaps 'wounds' or 'gashes' or someting sounding more painful)
Except what can be found within ourselves (I wasn't too fond of your ending, but it wasn't bad)
Overall, I liked this poem, but there were parts that bugged me as I have said above. Good job! Keep writing.