Published May 7, 2012
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,282 Literary Works • 672,096 Reviews
Nice. This one actually makes me smile, which is what I was going for when I clicked humor. I don't always get that when I click humor so it's a nice change of pace. Now, I'm going to give you the 'normal' review I give other poets so they have something to think about.
Meter: It helps the poem flow
Rhyme: It helps the poem ring
Now that's basically it. But this isn't that kind of poem. For YOU I'd suggest looking for new places to break lines, because the seem rather long to me. But I love short lines, so it's just a 'me' thing. It's a great poem. ^^ Thanks for the lol.
I really loved reading this poem. It is really lighthearted and... your avatar is very distracting and awesome by the way. Anyways, your poem was a very lighthearted and fun read. I love how it is not really written in normal poetic style. It does not rhyme and flow like normal poems do, but it still fits together really well and sounds really nice. It kind of is making fun of just about everyone who rights poems, and I love it. Poems are very serious things and are very confusing at times, it is hilarious how you wrote this poem about writing poems and making fun of those very serious ones. Personally, all I write is poetry, so I find this extremely funny and I think that just about anyone who writes poetry or not would really enjoy reading it.
Well, since I'm reviewing this, I should probably tell you some things that you could do in order to make it better. Well, I don't really have much to say for that. You need to put a space after "Changing autumn into spring?". Also, the fourth and fifth lines of the last stanza are a little bit confusing. They are not bad though and it might just be me having issues with comprehension because I'm tired right now. Anyways, great job and keep up the awesome writing!
By the way, I am definitely reading more of your work from now on.
sorry, I don't know why that posted twice. I think my internet service is just insanely messed up. Sorry about that!
Don't click submit more than once! Just click the button once. It'll usually go through on its own. Just in case, copy your entire review so that if you lose it, you can just come back to this page and paste it before submitting it.
But don't go click-happy! Don't click submit twice, or it'll post twice.
yah, I've clicked twice before and it did that, but this time I promise i only hit it once! thanks for the advice though
I really loved reading this poem. It is really lighthearted and... your avatar is very distracting and awesome by the way. Anyways, your poem was a very lighthearted and fun read. I love how it is not really written in normal poetic style. It does not rhyme and flow like normal poems do, but it still fits together really well and sounds really nice. It kind of is making fun of just about everyone who rights poems, and I love it. Poems are very serious things and are very confusing at times, it is hilarious how you wrote this poem about writing poems and making fun of those very serious ones. Personally, all I write is poetry, so I find this extremely funny and I think that just about anyone who writes poetry or not would really enjoy reading it.
Well, since I'm reviewing this, I should probably tell you some things that you could do in order to make it better. Well, I don't really have much to say for that. You need to put a space after "Changing autumn into spring?". Also, the fourth and fifth lines of the last stanza are a little bit confusing. They are not bad though and it might just be me having issues with comprehension because I'm tired right now. Anyways, great job and keep up the awesome writing!
By the way, I am definitely reading more of your work from now on.
Hi Moriko!
Here I am as I promised, after your wiley ways of tricking me (no, seriously, it was funny).
I think what you've got here is a pretty good basis/starting point/frame, call it what you will! I like these sort of "light" poems, they're very amusing.
One thing I could suggest to you to make this an even more enjoyable read is tweaking the poem so that the lines would be somewhat the same length. You don't have to do it religiously or anything, but I find it much easier to concentrate on a poem when there's more consistency. It's most easily noticed by the mentioned similar line lengths, but of course there are other ways to do it as well.
I also felt like this is the sort of poem that would do well with rhymes! So maybe, if you feel like it, you could try adding some rhymes. I think that would do wonders for the whole humourous setting that this has.
Also, just a little nitpick:
"Autumn" is missing "u".
I hope this helped! Do keep writing, this was fun to read. And welcome to YWS, if I didn't say already!
Demeter
x
Yay! I thought it's some sort of love letter (kidding!). But really, I did not intend to trick you or something else *grins.
Yay!
I guess I really have to work in making poems with consistent lines (I actually got the same comment in my other poem). I actually finds it hard to lengthen some of my lines to make my poems consistent, but I'll try to 'tweak' next time.
I actually tried rhyming it but I ran out of words so I decided to leave it this way. Haha laziness. Maybe I just love free-verse so I usually do my stuff this way, but I will give rhyming a try.
Nice, I did not notice that 'u' is missing
And thanks Dem, it sure helped a lot and I'll try to remember your suggestions next time.
Now it fells homely
Ha, it's hilarious! Kind of like making fun of all those peoples who write dreary, serious poems and everything. (Like me, but I don't mind)
Haha thanks. I also noticed that. So I decided to write a poem this way to sway a bit.
Does it sucks?
lol, that's hilarious...