These Stories With No End (Day 1)

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

I wanted nothing more than to be with him. I wanted his love, his kisses that sent lines of fire crawling along my skin. I wanted his hugs and his warmth. I wanted him, and only him.

But this story is just like any other love story, our love is forbidden. It's like the forbidden, succulent, fruit that i so desperatly need.

I'll be his eve if he'll be my adam and we'll ignore god's warning.

I'll be his Juliet if he'll be my Romeo and we'll down the posion together.

but that's all a fantasy. A dream in my own little world, a dream i would love to see lived out.

but it's nothing more than a dream.

Okayy well this is an interesting start. I don't know whether to let out a bit of Awww moment there to see this dream of a strong love or be concerned there at the possibility that clearly things are going in a direction that could result in a couple of deaths here. Well at any rate it definitely does the job of getting our attention quite nicely here. Let's see where this takes us.

It is, with great pain, that i shield my porcleain heart from him. The heart-breaking pain that showed in his deep, blue eyes, eyes that could see me at my darkest and still find beauty, still haunt my dreams.

I'll never be able to forgive myself because of that.

Seeing him with another girl would shatter my tender heart. There are some days, i wish i could take it all back and be his forever.

Alright well that took a tiny turn. The ambiguity of that start is clouding a little bit of the emotion on display I have to say because we're now viewing this whole thing through the lens of what that could have entailed, at any rate, that does almost make this more mysterious so let's see how you've ended this here.

but no. Father would be ever so disapointed in me. No. We can't have that. I'd be shunned if i went back to him. If i went back to my love. But oh, how badly i wish to bw in his loving, warm, embrace. With his musky natural scent that i love. But no. father would not allow that.

It is with great distaste that i have decided to push away my true love. At all costs. I can take the pain because in my heart i know that this is the best thing.

In this story, i cannot be the hero who gets everything. I have to, i must, follow my father.

It appears we're then twisting into an entirely different scenario there. Well I suppose perhaps the initial thing was meant to do the old AWW treatment after and if perhaps you don't want that ambiguity be a bit more careful how that is presented. At any rate, I'd say that's a decent ending it sort of lets you know something big is about to happen and you do find yourself wanting to find out more.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

Hi Morgan! My name is Diane!

This piece is very mesmerizing. The similes and metaphors you used really captured my attention. There are a few things I noticed, though.

First, you didn't capitalize most of the proper nouns.

It's like the forbidden, succulent, fruit that i so desperatly need.

You don't need a comma after 'forbidden', but desperatly should be desperately and 'i' should be capitalized.

I'll be his eve if he'll be my adam and we'll ignore god's warning.

Both Adam and Eve should be capitalized as well as God.

I'll be his Juliet if he'll be my Romeo and we'll down the posion together.

You misspelled a word. It should be spelled 'poison'.

Father would be ever so disapointed in me.

It's 'disappointed'.

Other than the conventions, it's a pretty good piece. I love the way you wrote, like as if you really are in the 1900's. It's very convincing. If you continue to write I'll keep reading. Good luck!
diaNe