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E - Everyone

A Little Saving

by Morgan


[ verse 1]

I hold my breath, and fall to my knees. 

I can feel the  walls  closing in on me. 

If I could have another wish, 

It’ll have to be free from this anguish. 

[pre-chorus]

‘Cause I’m scared and I’m frightened

Of the monster inside of me.

Oh, tell me if I will ever be free. 

I’m holding it in, keeping it down.

Not telling no body.

[chorus]

Oh, but I know that you can hear me. 

I know that you can feel me. 

I know that you can feel my heart breaking in two,

So that’s why I’m looking up at the Heavens at you. 

Oh, So can awnser my prayers?

Can you send me some angles?

I don’t ask for much, and you know that. 

All I’m asking is for is a little help. 

Just to help me stop the bleeding. 

All I’m asking for. . .is a little saving. 

[verse 2]

Hiding in the dark corners. 

Still lost and I’m searching for the answers. 

It only digs in the knife deeper 

When I’m trying to pretend I’m happier. 

[pre-chorus 2]

‘Cause I’m scared and I’m frightened

Of the monster inside of me.

Oh, tell me if I will ever be free.

I’m holding it in, keeping it down.

Not telling no body.

[chorus 2]

Oh, but I know that you can hear me.

I know that you can feel me.

I know that you can feel my heart breaking in two,

So that’s why I’m looking at the Heavens at you.

Oh, So can awnser my prayers?

Can you send me some angles?

I don’t ask for much, and you know that.

All I’m asking is for is a little help.

Just to help me stop the bleeding.

All I’m asking for. . .is a little saving. 

[Bridge]

The world decides to break my soul,

And I find myself out of control. 

Holding on by a thread.

and watching all my dreams go dead. 

[chorus 3] 

Oh, but I know that you can hear me.

I know that you can feel me.

I know that you can feel my heart breaking in two,

So that’s why I look up at the Heavens at you.

Oh, So can awnser my prayers?

Can you send me some angles?

I don’t ask for much, and you know that.

All I’m asking is for is a little help.

Just to help me stop the bleeding.

All I’m asking for. . .is a little saving. 

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122 Reviews

Points: 264
Reviews: 122

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Sun Mar 31, 2019 11:45 pm
Anma wrote a review...



Hello Morgan!!

I really love this song you made!!

Its really touchy and it has a lot of feeling.

I can tell you worked hard on this and i really love that.

I feel that a lot of people could compare and use this song for a few reasons.

This really got me thinking a lot too, questions we asked but are not answered..

I really enjoyed this and this really made me think.

I hope you have a great rest of your day!!

Keep up the good work!!

Sincerely Anma




Morgan says...


Thank you so much. I always look forward to your reviews



Anma says...


awe, no problem Morgan!!



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1054 Reviews

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Reviews: 1054

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Thu Mar 28, 2019 4:06 am
JabberHut wrote a review...



Hello!

I really enjoyed what you have here. And by enjoy, I mean it hit me pretty hard. It hit close to home for me. You did a brilliant job expressing the feeling of anxiety or depression just taking over a fragile human heart. It's such a painful experience in more ways than one, and you clearly understand that kind of torture. You did extremely well.

I'm going to trust that the lyrics are asking for some angels, not angles. :D

When it comes to reading lyrics, I have to go solely on content. I trust that it fits the music, assuming you have some. If not, then phrasing could use a fine-tooth comb through the piece. The best part about lyrics though is that the rhythm of the music can make these phrases work anyway. So I'm going to just skip over this part and go straight to the content.

Like I said before, I just really love how well you captured this feeling. It's all too familiar to me.

[chorus]

Oh, but I know that you can hear me.

I know that you can feel me.

I know that you can feel my heart breaking in two,


Simply reading this, my brain really wanted that second line to use the sensory of sight (i.e., I know that you can see me). I don't know if repeating the "feel" sensory makes sense with the music you have, but reading it, it makes more sense to use a third sense for extra emphasis.

All I’m asking is for is a little help.

Just to help me stop the bleeding.

All I’m asking for. . .is a little saving.


I've read this part of the chorus about 293847 times. I still don't know if I like it or not, so let me explain! I really like the first line. I really like the last line. It's that middle line there, the transition from the first to the third, that is tripping me up. I like the word "bleeding," the imagery that's expressed using that word emphasizes the need for saving. If there's a way to just rephrase this line so it doesn't sound like it's just repeating the first line? I'm not really sure if that makes sense at all. Figured it's worth pointing out and you can chew on it a bit. :D

I do generally like what you have here. It's really just so sad and heartbreaking, especially when you understand exactly what the lyricist is describing. It's too bad that it doesn't really show any sort of hope or point in the direction of such that could bring a sort of... peace. It's just simply sad. :(

But you did an extremely good job projecting that emotion through this whole piece. Well done!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!




Morgan says...


Thank you so much for the review...im glad that you liked it, and thank you for the correction.



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92 Reviews

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Reviews: 92

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Wed Mar 27, 2019 7:13 pm
kostia wrote a review...



Hello there Morgan!

I am Kostia and I will give you a brief review and a constructive criticism on your work.

Disclaimer:

1. Lyrics are not really my strong suit.

2. I will not get into spelling or grammar since I am not a native speaker.

Taking under account your young age this is very good. You have a lot of emotion in it which is crucially important when writing lyrics. I liked your phrasing for the most part. I think some words are too strong and could be replaced. Your content was satisfactory over all. It was emotional and touching so you did a great work there.

However I believe you have to narrow it down a bit. Try to say more and write less. What I am suggesting is for you to find a way to capture the meaning in fewer words. Lyrics are very different from poems. I believe you have to make it easier to relate to and work on your chorus a bit.

Moreover, I would like it to have more repetition in it. I think it came to be too informative in some parts.

The overall idea is very good and it looks like it is based in real feelings. I enjoyed that element but I believe it needs some editing.

Other than that it was a great effort, and a pleasent read. I believe there is some potential in it. Keep writing and always remember that practice makes perfect.

Best regards

Kostia




Morgan says...


Thank you so much for the review. I am glad that you enjoyed it and I am pleased to have some corrections. :)




I tell the neophyte: Write a million words–the absolute best you can write, then throw it all away and bravely turn your back on what you have written. At that point, you’re ready to begin.
— David Eddings